I left the phone box I was in, and walked out drying my eyes, that was bitter, and harsh, all things I didn’t expect him to be. I waited for a moment, I had no choice, Ashton was bringing around a car with some of my new ‘friends’ in.
I was left alone with my thoughts, and I wept for the boy who I had hurt so much that he had given up on the only thing he had ever fought for. I guess now it was okay to fall in to a trusting gang, because I wouldn’t be able to return the same girl.
I would lock my heart in an iron cage, and keep the key for myself. I wasn’t letting anyone in, I was letting Zayn out, but surely no one was going to come in.
My mind raced with what I wondered could possibly be the worst case scenario, that Perrie had really been at that fight, and when they left together, he had finally given up fighting the attraction between them which I had spotted months ago.
“I take it you are our new piece” I heard a low voice, and looked to a black car in front of me, and I nodded, seeing Ashton in the passenger seat. “Well, put your bags in the back and lets go” he told me, and I nodded at the mysterious man.
I got into the car, and inside was three boys, and two girls. Not including myself, Ashton, and the driver.
“Nice too meet you, I’m Olive, like the food” I pretty girl spoke, she had tattooed covering her body, but a pretty face with a single piercing.
“Brook” I nod, and smile at her, pulling off what I could as my heart was beat furiously in the cage I was suffocating it in.
“I’m Naomi” the other girl spoke, she was slightly larger, but still very beautiful, and she had little tattoos, but a lot of exposed skin. “If you are as tough as Ricky claims you are, then we are in for a real treat” she smirked.
In the never ending car, where no one wore seat belts, and were in everyones space, the boy opposite me smiled. “I’m Alfie” he told me, and he had an innocent quality about him, and I offer him a warm smile.
“Douglas” the final boy spoke, behind long waves on blonde hair, that cascaded down his face but stopped as they reached his ear lobes. “I’m looking forward to getting to work with you” he told me, with a light smirk on his lips.
There was something erie about him, something I didn’t trust, something that screamed oblivion, but his hazel eyes, enticed me, and made me curious as to who he was. He had little facial expression, which made him harder to read, but pulled me in further.
“Me too” I replied to him, tenderly, but not letting my guard down for the handsome stranger, as my heart still ached over Zayn, who was probably lay beside Perrie right now, not wasting a moment he could treasure with him, unlike me who was now giving him my infinite amount of tears.
“Brook, this is Wayne, he drives us everywhere” Ashton told me, and I turned to look, and smile he nodded at me. Ashton then, tapped me on the shoulder, instructing me to turn around again. “Have you been crying?” he whispered, looking at my red eyes, and I nodded, but no one was listening, as they all talked about their own conversations.
“Zayn, he… he broke up with me” I tell him.
“The distance?” he asked, sadly for me, and I shook my head, giving him a small smile, and watery eyes.
“No, we were too close” I say, and he furrowed his brow, but smiled at me, and tried to knock me to cheer up.
“Well, I don’t want to spoil it, but we are all getting drunk tonight so we can celebrate you turning up here, just don’t let them see you cry” he spoke, and I turned to everyone, and glance back at him. “Head up, princess” he grinned.
It felt odd. Like this was a little family. A bad kind of good. The way Ashton called me princess, reminded me of Niall, and how sweet he was, and how his words, though no matter how often they may hurt, are the right ones that I needed to hear.
The two girls were like Louis and Liam, they seemed to be friends, but were bickering over the little things, it reminded me of then they both like Tiff.
I smiled at the faded memory. I looked over to the boy called Alfie, he was Harry. The sweet innocence of when I had first met him struck my memory, and also the way he had something about him that I instantly liked.
Then Douglas. He was Zayn, he was the monstrous beautiful creature, that only had to look me and it was like electric. The familiar feeling of danger, and recklessness, filled me when he smirked at me, and I worried for my own sake then.
Because if he was like Zayn, the my heart was about to be realised back into the wild, and this time it would get caught, and I wasn’t sure it could put up much of a fight to survive, I would and falter at his feet.
The people I sat with could never replace the boys, but they could fix what damage I had inflicted upon myself with reckless and dangerous actions. I could never love Douglas, like I had adored Zayn, or Alfie like I had Harry, but I knew they would be there, and I had trust that maybe I would discover, with the same but different people, who I was, and who I had to be, for Zayn to want me again.
We pulled up outside a large house, and inside was every larger. The walls were bright grey, and the floor was red, and then stoned in the kitchen. The living room and a couple of couches and chair, and a large TV mounted on the wall.
“Brook, Wayne has took your bags upstairs, you are the first door on the right” Ashton told me, and I nodded, as Olive pulled me through to the stoned kitchen and grinned, presenting the drinks on the sideboard, and the food that was lay out.
“We like to welcome people rightly, here” she grinned, and I nod thankfully.
“Some more of the people are going to be coming over soon, friends of ours who we work with, and who you are going to be working with, so go and get changed, and ready, and then come down and grab a drink” Ashton told me, for someone who was new to all of this, he seemed very relaxed around this people.
“I can help you do your hair if you want?” Olive suggested, grinning, toying with the ends of my hair. I smile thinking of how cutesy Louis used to act to make me feel comfortable.
“Would you give her a minute to catch up with herself, the poor girl probably wants to settle in herself” Douglas walked passed with a cigarette in his mouth.
“No, it’s fine. I’d love your help” I say, I should start making friends here, rather than enemies.
We go upstairs, unpack my clothing, and she curls my hair for me. “So you like your room?” she asked, and I nod. “I know what its like, to be you” she told me, “I’m not from this gang either, I got here four months ago, but they are all really nice people, and they argue and bicker, but who doesn’t right?” she asked.
“You aren’t from here either, well that makes me feel better” I say.
“Your from Zayn’s gang right?” I hum a yes for her to continue, “Ricky said you are one of the best girls he knows, and that you wouldn’t be her before the year is out, because of the boys you live with, and how much you loved them, and they loved you” she explained.
“Yeah, well. I thought it was about time to sort out my own mistakes, Zayn broke up with me anyway, it’s kind of an old life, I want to go back it, but I need to change first, so I thought I might as well try and change here” I say.
“You really are tough” she giggled, and she was so sweet. It radiated from her, and that’s what reminded me of Louis. “There, done” she smiled, and tossed my curls playfully.
“Thanks” I say, “Would you help me choose an outfit, I don’t party much, I tend to get drunk on my own” I say.
“Of course, you can wear something of mine if you’d like?” she offered, and I nod. Ten outfits later, and I am stood in a pair of ripped skinny jeans, and practically a bra. But she claims its not, and that it makes me look tough.
It was a black bra, with metal spikes around it. She gave me a pari of white heels to break up the black. Purple and black eye shadow, and different shades of lipstick. “You’re quiet good at this” I say, and look at myself, and then notice the scars that show on my stomach, and I cover them with my hand.
“Don’t hide them, they are cool, people here love scars, just another battle wound” she told me, and I nodded unsure.
“Throw this on” she told me too, handing me a leather jacket from my own wardrobe, “And hurry, because people are starting to arrive” she threw a smile my way before walking out of the room I was in.
Though as fantastic as all of this was, and how magnificent it felt to be trying to move on. I stopped before opening the door, remember Zayn. And I hurt again. All of these scars were his for me, and I loved everyone of them, they were a personal remember of us. But now there wasn’t an us, it was like they had all reopened.
I missed him.
“Brook” I heard a voice, and it sounded like Ashton's, but I couldn’t be too sure as music had begun, and heavy laughter was met with pretty ones.
I didn’t want to go out there, I wanted to be with Zayn, huddled away in our own imagination. “I am doing this for us, you bastard” I whisper, hoping Zayn would hear, but knowing that he wouldn’t.
Three light knocks came on my door, and I looked up to see Harry’s shadow towering into my room. “I thought we could be miserable together” he muttered, not bothering to turn on the light switch.
Harry sat down beside me on the bed, and handed me a bottle of whatever, and I sat up wiping my eyes, and sniffling. “Thanks” I croak.
“You been crying?”
“She just called” and it earned no reaction from him, but to mouthfuls of what tasted like tequila. “She told me she wasn’t sorry she did any of the shit she did, that she wasn’t sorry I hurt her in equal measure, but that she loved me, and would only ever love me” I speak.
This must of killed him to hear, but he looked across, with puffy red eyes of his own. “Then why are you crying?”
“Because I had to let her go” I spoke, and take down a mouthful of the burning liquid, that runs like hot iron down my throat.
“You broke up with her?” he said a hint of sadness in his voice, as he probably thought about her tears, which I had thought about countlessly over the passing hours.
“I had too. She isn’t doing all of this to save us, she is trying to find something about her self that we couldn’t give her, so I let her go and find out what she needs to, and then maybe she will come back and love me more than ever, or she will find something better than what we had” I explain.
“You’re a braver man than me” Harry shook his head in disbelief. “I couldn’t of let her go like that”
“Believe me it wasn’t exactly the easiest thing I have ever done” I stand and cross the room, to open the window, letting in more of the moonlight.
“Did she cry?”
“Probably, but not as much as I have” I told him, honestly, thought Harry had been a major cause in the dilemma's me and Brook have had, he is my best friend, and he is the only person I knew wouldn’t judge me for crying.
After a beat of silence, Harry stood up, and took a cigarette from my box beside my bed, and he spoke, “It’s funny, how day by day nothing really changes, its just a lot of shit, but then when you look back at it all, everything is different” and took a lighter from me. “Do you still love her, completely?” he asked me.
“She is my entire universe, packing into one perfect mess” I say.
“Just make sure you don’t keep her pushed away for too long, and that when she has found whatever it is she is missing, that you are the first person to look at what she found” he told me.
“I find it funny how you still give me advice about her, how you still want her to be happy with me, after all the shit we have pulled on each other, you still help”
“I’ve have loved her, I know how hard it is, I know it’s never simple, but you have been in love with her, and I can only imagine how much harder your fight was then mine” he told me, and offered me a weak smile.
“She still thinks about you though, I mean, she made Ricky promise not to hurt me, or the other, but she got you out of your deal with him” I remind him.
“I know” was all he could muster up, “How is your face anyway, Ricky demolished you I heard?” he looked over smiling.
“Yeah, he didn’t nearly kill me like you did, but he had a pretty good go” I joke with him, and he chuckles in the moonlit room, and it is a bittersweet reminder of out early days in which we grew together.
And we sat there for a couple of hours, exchanging stories of Brook. It was painful to know she had said such words to him, had such good times with him, and he had touched her milky silk skin, but it was fine because I had known her longer, lover her harder, wanted her more, and I laughed at his stories, and envisioned her doing all the things he did with her, with me.
I imagined him to be doing the same. For all the times she had called her self mine, and I had told her she was mine, she wasn’t. She was ours.
I had met many people this evening, and even been introduced to a few new cocktails.
I had met gangs from across NYC, and some of them showed great interest in me, as Ricky and told them stories, a few of them even apologised for what I had had to do James.
I felt eyes on me all night thought, and they were Douglas’s deep hazel eyes, that watched me, as if checking I was okay. Making sure I was doing what was deemed acceptable. But the irresistible pulchritude if him, was much like Zayn’s.
I had seen him take a few of my drinks away from me, and I only went to get another one instead, but as the night drew onwards, I finally felt like I had been missing something, and it was Ashton, he had disappeared.
As everyone sat down, “Brook, would you go and get Ashton, we are all going to sit and have a drink together” Namoi spoke, and I nodded.
There was only one room with a light on upstairs, and I followed it.
I walked into the room, stumbling a little from the amount of alcohol I let slip effortlessly down my throat. “Ashton” I smile, as he sits a desk, with a lamp on, and I smile at him and walk over, “Everyone is leaving now” I tell him.
“Okay, I will come down with you all in a moment” he spoke and turned back around and scribbled away.
After a moment os silence, I peer over at him, “Can I ask what you are writing?” I walk over, my curls bouncing behind me.
“I’m writing a poem… It is about you, actually” he smiled at me, “You’ve inspired me” he grinned, and tucked his pen behind his ear.
“In a day?” I smirk, and walk over, and sit on his bed.
“Yeah, would you like to hear what I have wrote?” he asks, turning to face me, on his chair, and like a child, I cross my legs, and nod for him to speak.
From a crumpled piece of white paper, he began to read.
“As sweet as sugar,
and as cold as ice,
hurt her once,
she will hurt you twice.
She’s a lot like the tied,
beautiful and dear,
so hard to resist,
but is often never here.
Her scars are her armour,
and her tears are her swords,
the wounds shan't heal,
but her heart beat is sore.
Now she can not sleep,
because her thoughts are far too deep,
her mind has left her sprit whole,
and you can not tame her beautiful, broken soul.
She’s forget herself, her skin, her face,
even the feel of her own embrace,
So stupid for thinking she couldn’t possibly loved,
and, stupid her, for thinking she wasn’t good enough.
She's a sweet as sugar,
and as cold as ice,
she’s been hurt once,
she will hurt you twice”
“I inspired that?” I ask, the drink suddenly left me system, and he nodded. “It;s beautiful” I tell him.
“I’m surprised, you don’t think it is a little harsh on you?” he asked, and I shook my head.
“I think it’s beautiful, besides, its all very true” I spoke, “You have a magical understanding of people, Ashton, and its absolutely amazing, that after a day you can write such beautiful things about me, that are accurate, and it just makes me even more excited for when I have known you longer” I tell him.
“I like writing about you” he told me, “I like writing about exquisite pieces of work” he told me.
“Really?” I say, he stood up, tucking away his papers.
“It is, now come one, before they all think the worst of us” he smiled at me, my new friend, who I wished to hold early like I had done Niall for years previous.