After a long, long day of shopping and coffee, the time had come to do the first of many jobs I had been sent here to do. I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I would be, as Olive did my hair, and wrapped it tightly into ringlets.
“Your dress?” she asked, and I point over to the door of the wardrobe as it hangs in a bag, it’s a deep blue dress, that clings to my skin, so tight, I am pretty sure I won’t be able to breath. I worry as it is long, it reached the floor, with a pair of large diamond filled heels. - We were no longer going to a bar to flirt.
Me and Naomi, were going to a banquet, we would stand around, and drink champagne, with the drug lords associates, and laugh and joke, until they were certain of who we were, he had been set targets, that we would lean about when we got there, and all we had to do was charm them enough to take us home.
The rest of the group would follow closely behind, learning the spot of the gang’s hide out, and would find a way inside, to the basement where the money and drugs were being stored.
It seemed like quiet a straight forward plan, and once got the all clear we would go, leave, and tell them to call us, give a fake number and go.
It was that simple.
But when did a plan like this ever go smoothly? - Never.
“I will zip you up” she smiled, and I looked at her then me, her hair was pulled back from her face, with little make up and plump pink lips, and a heavy leather jacket, with skinny black jeans, she radiated perfection, and I had my hair curled, so much more makeup, and had slipped into the blue dress with heels, and looked no where near as beautiful as she did.
For a moment, I hated her, but it subsided as she smiled and told me I looked ‘hot’.
I walk into the hall, and stood in a tighter, more conservative dress was Naomi, it was cream, and is clung to her wonderfully, it came down to her knees, and she had cream shoes onto match with a fur over throw, and I smile at her, her brown hair was softly curled, not like mine, which had fallen into huge locks.
“You ready?” she smiles, and I nod, walking down the stairs scooping up the dress as I walk, I reach the bottom of the stairs, and everyone is waiting.
They all stand in casual clothing, whilst the two of us stand out immensely.
“Looking wonderful” Ashton grinned my wait, and I flush, flashing a smile his way, “Come on” he says, offering his hand, to relive me of the banister, to tackle the last three stairs.
“Let’s get a move on” the driver says, his name was Wayne, if I remembered rightly, we all stumble out of the door, Douglas holds it open for me, and I nod him a thank you as we all walk out.
I trail behind, focusing on my feet, as it feel like forever since i’ve wore heels this high. “You look nice” I heard a low voice, I turn and see Douglas lowering his eyes over me, and I smile what best I kind, “Here” he spoke, and handed me a small ear piece, “I will talk to you through this, tell you all you need to know, what you should say” he places it in my fragile hand, leaving his fingertips lingering far too long.
“Don’t turn it off, or I won’t be able to hear you” he warns me, straightening himself up, and I nod quickly.
“Come on, we haven’t got all day” Wayne calls.
“Shut up” Douglas yells, and then adverts his eyes back to me, “You understand, right?” he asked, and I nod as he pours his eyes into mine once again, and I gulp away the lump in my throat. “Good” he mutters, looking over me once more, “Blue really is your colour, Brook” he says, before passing me, once again making me trail behind.
We sit in the car for about thirty minutes, and I haven’t look at my phone since last night when I got tired of waiting for Zayn to call. I wanted him here now, to touch my hand and tell me no matter what we were going to get out of this, but I had made this choice, and I had to follow through.
“Try not to be sick” Alfie smirked, and I laughed softly at him, as I was sure the makeup was hiding how pale and green I was.
I tried to focus on the passing lights outside, the sights of New York, the buildings that touched the sky, and towered town making me feel so insignificant, that it slowed down my breathing and my heart rate.
It soon picked up again as we pulled up outside a rather extravagant hall. “It’s there?” I ask anyone who will answer.
“Yeah, now you know the plan, you both you’re ear pieces, you go in, mingle, we will tell you where your targets are through these glasses that Naomi has on, there is a camera so we can monitor you, you will go over and so on, you know the plan right?” he asked, and we both nod quickly, and nervously I step out of the car.
“Good luck” Ashton tells me, “Ricky will be meeting us in about ten minutes, but don’t worry” he says, and I nod slowly.
“Ashton, try not worry the poor girl more, come on Brook” Naomi told me, and we walked away from the car that drove off.
As we walk inside the lights an sparkling much like the champagne in people’s hands, I wander forwards, and adore the glamorous people around us, and Naomi smirked at me, “You can say what you like about gangs, but we sure know how to be classy” she sashed over to the bar.
I walk forward, and after one step, I already hear a voice in my ear, and I knew the smooth voice was Douglas. “You see him over there, the one in the black suit, his back to you, brown hair, with a girl and two boys, near the white table?” was all I heard, and I hummed a yes, as the microphone vibrated in my ear. “That’s him” he mumbled.
I took in a breath, picked up a glass and walked over, pulling together everything I had learnt in the last two years.
“Hello” I say, and the boy turns around, an my heart falls to the fall, and all the air leaves my body as I am stood face to face with him, the boy I hadn’t seen in so long, the boy who was there a the start, and seemed like he was going to be there at the end.
“Brook?” his face lit up, but looked confused in a beautiful kind of way.
“Josh, hey” I let out an uneasy sigh, and wrapped my arms around him, and he engulfed me in his chest, and I smile at his familiar sent, and it reminds me of home, I pull back, and tugging his lapels straightening him up, “Look at you, in a place so nice” I say.
“I almost didn’t recognise you” he smirked, and enchanted me with his eyes, “Where Zayn?” he looked over my shoulder, trying got see through the 60 people in the room, and I put my hand on his arm and pulled him down
“I’m not here with him, in fact, I’m not with him at all” I correct myself, and soon enough before I can hear Josh’s answer, I heard a voice.
“You know this prick? Don’t be enticed, you need to stay focused, you know that… in fact, now that you know him, you know how easy it will be to get him to show you” he spoke.
I thought of Zayn for a moment, and how he would of told me to do the same thing, ignore the right and wrong and just do it, I go along with it, because at the end of the day, it’s Zayn’s life, and Harry’s contract, against a friendship that barely existed anymore. - Though it was a nice one when I had it, it was lost like that part of my life was.
“Why don’t we go and get another drink?” I say and finish my drink quickly so we can head over to the bar.
“You aren’t with Zayn?” he asked as we walked, realising he hadn’t answered from my previous statement, and I shook my head.
“Difference spilt us up” I lie, and he nodded softly.
“You should of called me” he spoke, “We could of hung out again” he told me, and I rolled my eyes laughing at him, and he nudged me, “You look amazing by the way” he smirked and flushed at his own words.
“Well thank you” I place my glass down, and he grins at me, a simple smile that makes my heart flutter a little. “Why are you here?” I say, remembering this was for opposing gangs, and I wondered if I would ever have to hurt him, or him hurt me.
“Tell him you’ve got a new gang” I heard, and I roll my eyes slowly, but look over at Josh and smile.
“I have a new gang, they are around here somewhere” I pretend to look around.
“So the gang life is really for you, isn’t it?” he smirked at me, and I nod. “You look healthy” he says, and I cock my head, “I mean, you have a glow about you, something is different” he sipped his drink.
“Well, thank you” I tell him, “I am glad it’s a good different” I giggle a little.
“Oh could you please compose yourself, you’re on a drug mission, not a fucking speed date” I heard a harsh mutter in my ear.
“So, why are you hear?” I ask him.
“You know, doing this and that, I got a few jobs and my boss transported me here, it’s weird isn’t it? That we both ended up here” he smirked, and tucked his hands into his pockets, giving me the boyish smile I knew far too well.
“Well, it’s good too see you doing well for yourself, even if it does mean hanging around with thugs” I smirk.
“You’re one to talk” he winked.
“Well, there is one huge difference, there is hope for you, not for me, this is all I can do, I didn’t finish collage, didn’t even go to uni” I smirk.
“What makes you think I did?” he chuckled.
“Nothing, not at all” he laughs at me, and for a moment, it feels like two years ago, and I envision Zayn just walking through the door, and pulling Josh away from me, telling me that I am his, and Josh needs to back off.
I smile at a time when that would happen, but wince as I know it’s unlikely to happen again.
“Why don’t we keep drinking?” he suggests, and I gulp as he picks up two different glasses, and I lick my lips the temptation being to great to resist, I mean, I had a drank in the passed few days, but not for myself, not enjoying enough, so I willingly, with little persuasion, take the glass.
I am aching all over still, and I wish I could say I wasn’t.
I was sat in the kitchen at the moment, rolling a cigarette between my fingertips, Niall watched from the table as I stood near the back door. “You roll that any more, you going to have nothing left of it” Niall came over with a lighter.
I didn’t say anything, I just took the lighter from, handing it him back. Not once looking in his eyes, because they reminded me of an innocence I was trying to forget.
“You can’t do this again Zayn… she isn’t dead this time” Niall sat down beside me on the porch, as I ventured outside, I barely glance over at him as he speaks.
“You don’t have any idea of what I am feeling, Niall” I tell him.
“I know that you are hurt, because she lied. She fucked Liam, she’s let you with barely anything, and I know you miss her… but she isn’t dead this time” he tried to reassure me, pull me from the dark cloud that was consuming me.
“She might as well be dead” I snap, a little bit harshly.
“You don’t mean that” he shook his head, seemingly hurt by my words.
“I do” I seethe, and stand up, letting rain drops cover me falling from the light sky, which was turning grey. “I mean it, I wish she was dead… then none of us would be feeling like this, I would of drank myself to death by now, and I wouldn’t of had to do deal with any of this, her loving someone else, loosing her time and time again, and her fucking Liam, and all the shit she put us all through… you know she might as well be, because she has practically just handed herself in” I sigh, and turn away from him.
“You wouldn’t be able to cope if you were in the right state of mind, with what you have just said” Niall shook his head in disbelief.
“I know exactly what I am saying, you can’t deny things would be so much easier… if I knew all of this was going to happen, us all nearly dying, us all loving her, and loosing her, and us ruining her to the person she is now, taking away the young naive girl, I would of never of gone over to her in the bar, I would never of kissed her, or put in so much effort to keep her, when inevitably, all of this was going to happen… I wish I had known, so I could never have fallen for her” I say, my sober words being the first I had spoken to Niall, since we had got drunk together, and few nights before.
“You mean that, don’t you?” he dares to ask, anticipation, high in his voice.
“Every word” I mutter, and finally turn to look at him.
“You know, when I first met her she wasn’t that much different” Niall spoke, and it still pained me to know he loved her first, and had touched her first, loved her the longest, but I let him carry on speaking. “She was sweet, but she has always had that fire in her, I just think you brought it out in her, you were like some kind of chemical, that sparked her fire, and it made something toxic, but even toxic things are beautiful” he told me.
“I don’t need your bullshit now, Niall” I turn from him, “Just because you can say something a little bit poetic, doesn’t mean I am going to miraculously change my mind about everything I just said… no matter how right you might be, I still meant every word” I stand back under the cover, so the rain in no longer touching me.
“You know I am right?” he asked me softly, and I nod.
“We we’re beautiful, but the toxic spilled” I say, and turn away from him, and he grabbed my arm stopping me from moving, but my reaction was to turn around and grab him by his collar, as my anger rose, and I tightly grip him. “I told you to leave it” I seethe, and he doesn’t feel threatened under my grip, just concerned, “So leave it” I push him back, and he stumbles a little, and straightens himself up, as I walk into the house again.
“You can’t keep running away” he tells me bravely.
“I’m not running away, I am just fed up of waiting for something that is never going to happen. We aren’t every going to work, she will love someone else, or someone else will love her, I will screw up, and everything will just keep getting worse, so don’t tell me what to do! You told me to leave her, and let her go, that is what I have done and it is absolutely killing me!” I turn and tears threaten to fall.
“We feel pain, to remind us that we are alive, she is all you need to know that, don’t you see that? You really don’t see that the more you are apart the more you want her, and that just makes it better when do you get back together like you always do!” he exclaimed.
“Yeah, and so the cycle goes, things are good, then bad… its a vicious circle”
“And that’s never going to change, but you love her” he reminded me like I had forgotten.
I sigh, and turn away from my, and clench my first, closing my eyes. I missed her again. Like she had been gone for months, not less than a week. I know we are bad for each other, but I always look back as I walk away, and I know she does the same. It breaks my heart into a million pieces, knowing that I can’t love her as much as she wants to be loved, but that doesn’t mean I am ever going to stop trying. Our love would forever be like the changing seasons, warm like the summer, and bitter like many winters, fallen like autumn, and extremely sweet for the short spring. The only thing that won’t change is my heart, beating for her, and my soul colliding with hers in a beautiful, toxic kind of way.
“What do you expect me to do?” defeated and hurt I turn to him.
“I expect you do love her like you’ve never been hurt, and for her to love you like she’ll never love another” he tucked his hands into his pockets, and went to leave.
“How do I do that?” I asked him.
“You’ll know” he simple smiled, and left.
Sorry for late update, been a very busy week in collage, had mock exams, and it’s been so stressful, but hope you enjoyed the update. Josh is back?! and ZAYN IS STILL BREAKING MY HEART.
Comment and like please :D LYSM