It wasn’t until three days later that I was discharged, I got told no alcohol consumption for three weeks, I had to allow for ‘healing time’.
“Do you have everything?” Harry asked me, as he was the one who had chosen to drive me back to the house. “I think so,” I smiled at him, he watched me as I moved around the room collecting the last of my things, he grinned and looked down to the floor, “What?” I asked, throwing a smirk back at him, he walked over to me slowly with his a playful look in his eyes.
“I’m just thinking of when I first met you, you were in this room.” he told me, and I look to the floor, touched that he remembers, “We barley spoke when we met, I’d just had a miscarriage.” I remind him, “Even when you lay there,” he pointed to the bed, “in that bed, I still thought you were beautiful, and right now, as I am here with you, again.” he smiled at me.
We laughed lightly, only for a moment or two, when he spoke again. “Do you really have to go?” he whispered, and I turned to look at him slowly, “Harry, don’t do this…” I stand up, and walk to grab my jacket.
“Do what? I’m just saying, everything is fine now. You and Zayn are getting on, he’s happy, you are happy, I’m happy. Everything is good.” he tried to convince me.
“What makes you think I am happy? I have nothing here, no family, friends that lives keep moving forward, whilst mine is turning over and over the same way, you’re happy with Hope, you don’t need me here to ruin what you have,” I say, and turn to look out of the window, I heard the heavy sound of his boots creep up behind me, and he brushed my hair from my neck, and let his finger tips linger for a while, before lowering his head, “I’d rather have you, than any other woman.” he whispered.
I closed my eyes, pained by his words. I wanted to turn around, and tell him that I loved him, and I would try again, because though he had hurt me, and I had broken him, we had something that wouldn’t leave, but I was leaving here, with Liam.
“But you can’t have me,” I whispered and turned to face him, my hands on his chest, and he touched my cheek, my head falling into his warm familiar touch.
“You were always happy when you were with me, even when you missed home, or him. You were happy with me.” he tenderly stroked his thumb across my cheek, and I looked down, and he chuckled a breathless laugh, “See, you can’t deny it, he told me, “So stay.”.
“I can’t, I want to stay with you. I do. But, you sit here and say you want me to stay, but you have Hope, and you say you want me, but you can’t have me if you have her. You can’t become that kind of person.” I told him.
“You were that kind of person. You were with Zayn, and you had me.” he spoke, and I nodded, “And look what happened to me, I’m sorry, I can’t stay.” I whispered.
“I love you.” he whispered, I knew this was a cycle that we would keep repeated, but I to break it.
“I don’t love you, haven’t I made that clear enough.” I turn from him, harshly. I grab my bag, and he stopped me.
“You don’t mean that, you’re trying to deter me, and it’s not working.” he told me, and I shook my head, and he cupped my face, and lowered his face to mine.
“Don’t kiss me, please.” I beg, putting gym hand on his chest, and he straightens up, and finds his own feet. “I don’t know why I think each time it will be different,” he paused, and turned away from me.
“What do you mean?” I had to ask, “I think, maybe each time I say I love you, you’ll turn around and realise that you love me too.” he spoke.
I sighed, and walked over to him, throwing my arms around his neck, and he flung his own arms around me, holding me tighter than he ever had before. “I’m not your first choice, I know that. But, I was always your second, and now he has Perrie, can’t I have you?” he told me.
“You shouldn’t settle for being my second, you should be Hope’s first.” I whisper into his neck, as we embrace, he pulled back and held my face in his hands.
“I know it was along time ago, but when were in Cali, you promised me forever.” he told me, and I smiled. “You’ll be waiting awhile for that,” I spoke, and he smiled, brushing a loose strand of hair away.
“I will wait forever, for the forever you promised me.” he spoke.
I drove home with Harry, in silence. Neither of spoke, I wasn’t sure we had anything more to say to each other, he had no more energy to convince me to stay, and I was glad, because if he tried again, I would cave in.
More so than if Zayn begged, for one unutterable fact, he was plain, pure and simple. He’d never hurt me, intentionally. And, things had always been good with him, whenever we were alone, I felt a tender bliss was upon my soul, and everything would momentary pause when I heard his laugh.
We all sat down stairs for the night, drinking, eating, and laughing. For a moment everything was okay. Every so often, I would see Niall nudge Zayn in the side, making him grin ear-to-ear. Harry and Louis were daring each other to drink different amounts, throwing their arms around each other, Liam often changed the music around, and had Ashton and Douglas in conversation with them. Perrie sat close beside Zayn, I dare to say she offered me a smile.
It was hard to sad with all of the light around me, but I still found myself, though only a little, forcing a smile.
“Let’s take it back, shall we? Truth or dare.” Louis spoke, rubbing his hands together, “Haven’t we matured since then?” I asked, he turned to me, and pulled me next to him, wrapping his arms around me, “It’s only a little bit of fun, Brook. Come on, for your last night?” he spoke, and I nodded reluctantly.
The dares were simple, jokes. Drink this, Do that. It was going so, until she was back, the girl that had stolen Zayn. The front she had put on, was no longer up. The alcohol weakened her walls and she was ruthless.
“Brook, truth or dare?” she spoke, “Dare it is!” she finished, before I could even answer, but I played along with it. “Make out with Harry, we can all see you’ve been wanting to do it for a while.” she shrugged, and drowned another glass of wine. It was like living a memory, because this had happened before.
“Are you okay with that, man?” Harry turned to Zayn before I had the chance, and he looked over at me, that whiskey sadness in his eyes. “Sure, we aren’t dating, she can kiss who she wants too.” he offered Harry a strong smile, but his voice was flat and then he looked away. Raising his glass to his lips.
“How long for?” I asked quietly, “What?” she smirked, luring over me. “You heard me, how long?” I snap, and she smirked, raising her eyebrows, “2 Minutes. Go.” She sat with a sinister grin on her lips.
I moved over to Harry and before any of us could register what was going on, I crashed my lips onto his. Though his lips were smooth, and soft. They weren’t Zayn’s, there was no point in pretending they were.
I wanted to feel something in this kiss, that would reignite any emotion I had left, I wanted to have all my emotions physically dragged out of me, and thrust into power, but that did not happen. It was a normal kiss. The tingling I got wasn’t love, it was nerves, or disappointment.
I pulled away when time was up, and excused myself. I went outside, with a bottle of cheap vodka, and expensive cigarettes.
I heard the door open and close behind me, “I’m fine, Harry.” I said before he could talk, “It’s me.” Zayn spoke, and I turned around to face him. “Oh, Hey.”
“Have you been crying?” he asked me. Had I? I had barely noticed my now stained cheeks. “No, I-.. Yeah.” I knew there was no point in lying to Zayn.
“Why?” He asked me, and I sniffled and looked down as he sat next to me, for what felt like the thousandth time. “I’m just not use to this.” I shook my head, and he looked puzzled, waiting for me to continue.
“All that I could think when I was kissing Harry then was, ‘When is Zayn going to rip me from him’ or ‘When is is he going to punch him?’. And you didn’t, you didn’t fight for me, and it was weird, kissing him, in front of you.” I explained.
He let my comment rest for a moment, then spoke. “I wanted to get up and punch him, I wanted it to my lips, I wanted to do so many things, but I didn’t have the right too.” he shrugged, and took the vodka I had in my hand, and rolled it in his.
“Weren’t you meant to be stopping?” he then asked, I nodded, “I’m going to, after tonight-..” he cut me off, “Or after it stops hurting.” he finished, and drowned two mouthfuls himself.
“Then I’m going to need a life time supply.” I tell him, and he chuckles lightly to himself, “Make that two.” he finished for me.
“We are here again. Ending it, about to leave each other, go our separate ways, how long do you think we will last this time?” he asked me, and I turned to see a familiar smirk on his lips, “I think about 4 months, and then I will turn up, in the rain most likely, and be banging on your door, begging for you too take me back.” he told me.
“Four months? That’s pushing it.” I smirk, he looses a bit of his smile and speaks, “But, if either of us have any sense, then I won’t run to you, and you won’t take me back. I won’t kiss you, and you’ll slam the door in my face. Though we’ll want to take it back to how it was before, we know better now, cause this time around, you won’t be so dark, I will of given you back your light.” he spoke like a poet, no, he didn’t. He spoke like Zayn.
The boy that I hated the minute I met him, the boy that I loved too. The boy that showed me things, and made me feel things, that were physically impossible, but he made every dream a girl could have come true.
The boy that was helplessly in love with me, and promised me his soul. The boy who didn’t ‘date’, the boy nearly married me. The boy that with every word he spoke, it dripped lust, love, passion. He was the kind of person, you would be lucky enough to meet once in three lifetimes. His beautiful soul would have to wander around until the end of time until it found anything worthy.
The man that he had become, was the man he said he’d never be.
The man who was looking at me right now, as we sat with half a bottle of vodka, whiskey in his eyes, and curved smile on his lips. A complexion that was still unutterably perfect. A smile that probably made the stars feel pointless.
The boy that took me on a rollercoaster, and wouldn’t let me off. And for the first time in almost two years, I’m off, the ground is shaking, and my world is falling apart, because with out him in, rocking me back and forth, how do I balance?
“What are you thinking about?” he asked me, and I smile, and kissed his cheek softly, placing his arm around my shoulder, and taking in his smell one last time. “You.” I whispered, and his lips pressed gently on the top of my head.
“What about me?” he pondered, “Does it matter?” I spoke, and he shook his head, “I guess not, not anymore.” he reminded me that this was just a brief moment of happiness we could share, fore tomorrow I would be god knows where, and he’d be doing god knows what.
“Can ask something? Like a request?” he whispered, and I looked up to him, but he kept his arm around me, trying to keep the distance between us to a minimum. “Always.” I whispered.
“Can we do what we did last time?…” he paused, and looked down to my legs, and ran his hand up my thigh, “In the hospital room…” his eyes had gone dark, and his hand rubbed circles on my thigh, his voice was low and husky.
“Are you sure this is,” I gulped, as his hot breath was on my neck, “A good idea? Yes.” He finished for me, and I turned to him, and moaned into his mouth as he kissed me.
And it was like nothing had changed.
The next morning.
I woke up in Zayn’s arms, his body was warm, and his arms cradled me, and as I gazed over at the curtains, that started letting the light seep through, I prayed for a couple more minutes of darkness with him.
So I closed my eyes, wriggled closer to him, but he stirred and woke, I smiled up at him, lovingly? Perhaps, it was something else. “Morning.” he grinned at me, and I said it back. “It;s weird waking up with you,” he smiled, “I’ve missed it.” and slowly but surely, I was wanting stay. Harry’s words had little effect, and I thought Zayn’s were having none, but now, as the early light of 9am crept into the room, I didn’t want to leave.
“I slept better last night, that I have in weeks.” I told him, propping myself up on my elbow. His hand was under the covers running up and down my spine, the realisation that we were both still naked knocked me back, it had been awhile since we woke up naked together.
He pulled me on top of him, and kissed me softly, my legs falling around his waist. “Again?” I smirked, as he bit down on his lip, “I’ve got to make the most of this in-between stage before you leave.” he teased me.
I was more than happy to let myself fall to his desires, he sat himself up, so he could pull his body closer to mine. I moaned as he kissed my neck, biting down on where he had last night.
“I love it when you do that,” he muttered, I felt him getting hard beneath me, but I wasn’t ready for this to be over. I was going savour this, as much as he may want it now, I wanted it always.
I ran my hands down his check, sucking has his neck, he pressed his back against the head board, as I ran my hands to his hip bones, and then grabbed his length. Teasing him, letting soft moans fall helplessly from his lips.
“If you keep doing that, I am not going to last much longer.” he muttered in my ear, wrapping his large hands in my hair, and tugging softly.
“Brook?” I heard a voice calling throughout the house, I stopped touching Zayn for a moment, “Really, right now?” he moaned in frustration, or maybe it was me moving against him.
“What?” I shout, it was Liam. “Can I come in?” he asked, now outside the door. “Now isn’t a good time,” I say, and smirk down at Zayn.
“We agreed to leave at 10, it’s 9:30, how much longer will you be?” he asked, maybe he should of asked Zayn. “Not long, just give me ten minutes.” I say, and with a few sighs, he leaves.
“Now, where were we?” I smirked, and pressed my lips against his, he took my hand and lowered it on himself, “Right there.” he whispered.