Before I could leave the kitchen, James had stopped me and told me he was leaving for the night.
Letting everyone rest for tomorrow, for tomorrow he was bringing two new people that were going to be helping us.
We had also been told we couldn’t leave the house, security purposes or something like that. So for now, I left everyone to what they wanted to do.
Louis went to Niall’s room with him, to discuss and bitch about James, and Liam went to shower here, he didn’t want to drive as it got later.
It took me a good while to get the courage to go and see Zayn, instead I took it upon myself to show Liam where his room for the night would be, and in ver precise detail telling him where, towels, bed sheets, and everything else in this house was.
“For fuck sake Brook, just stop stalling and go and see him!” Liam snapped at me.
“I am going, okay?” I rolled my eyes, as he pushed me out of his room, into the hall way.
I stood in front of my bedroom door, which Zayn would be sat in now.
I know the room wouldn’t be a mess like it use to be, he wouldn’t shatter anything, he took his anger out on walls, and cushions now. I reached for the cold bronze door handle, and pushed the door open gently.
Zayn was sat at the bottom of the bed, his hands clasped together, his jawline tight. I take in a breath.
“Zayn? Are you okay?” I whispered softly walking further into mine and Zayn’s room.
“No, Brook, I am really far from fucking okay” he seethed at me.
“I’m so sorry, about Steve” I told him, walking a little closer. “I’m sorry for saying I blamed you too” I whispered.
“You know, that isn’t what I am actually mad about!” he shouted at me, standing up walking closer to me. “I am mad at the fact you got so jealous over Harry’s “Slut” as you put it, that you let that come in the way of doing what needed to be done! We could of got them of our back if you hadn’t of spoken to him, Then that fucking James!” he boomed, and I looked to the floor, not being able to face looking him in the eye.
“You let him give you a fucking pat down, with no signs of pushing him off, what the fuck was that?!” he yelled at me.
“Zayn…” I whispered.
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear, any fucking sorry’s, or I wasn’t thinking, I am not in the mood!” he yelled at me.
“Okay” I whispered, and let a tear roll down my face.
“I love you Brook, but sometimes you make it so difficult!” he yelled again, sitting back down on the bed.
“I will leave you alone” I told him, turning around to leave.
“That’s it?” he asked me, and I turned back to look at him.
“Well I don’t want to fight, and if I stay, that is all we are going to do” I tell him, and he stood up.
“What happened to the girl I fell in love with, huh?” he asked me, and I looked to the girl, in the mirror. Zayn walked up behind me, “What happened to the girl that always found a reason to smile, the girl that wore shorts in fucking January, the girl that made me a better man?! … The girl that wouldn’t just walk away from me?” he spoke, with a tear in his eyes and a lump in his throat.
“She grew up, she realised that everyone gets hurt, she isn’t strong enough to fight all the time… she’s gone” I spoke to him, and he sighed and frowned at the girl in the mirror.
“I wish I was her Zayn, I really wish I was her… but too much has happened, and I don’t think I will ever be her again” I spoke, and he sighed turning away.
“Why didn’t you stop James from touching you before?” he changed the subject. “Because, I couldn’t think, everything was happening so fast” I spoke.
“Bullshit” he muttered.
“Look, your mad and I am… I am really tired of all this shit today, why don’t you stay here and I will sleep on the couch, that way, you can calm down, and I can think of ways to grovel in apology” I say.
“I don’t want an apology, I want a fucking explanation” I told him.
“Well I can’t give you one Zayn” I turn to him, having no strength left to speak.
It was quiet for a moment.
“I had seen Harry after months, and he isn’t even our friend anymore, I had just been beaten by his new girlfriend, Dominic held a knife to my throat, James kept hitting on me, and things are just going to get worse from here, so please… I know I have fucked up beyond compare, but please cut me a little bit of slack” I tell him, and take in a breath in.
“Fucked up? No… But you have ruined everything we were working on in these past few months” he told me, and I nodded.
“I know” I whispered.
“Are we ever going to catch a break, Brook?” he asked me.
“No” I tell him.
I sit on the edge of the bed with him. “You need to call Becca, make sure she is staying away from the house, keeping Luke safe” I spoke, and Zayn hummed a yes.
I stood up, “I will see you in the morning” I told Zayn, and walked to the door, but quickly he moved, grabbing waist and turning me to face him, and one hand reached up to my face.
“I may be mad, but I hope your okay” he whispered, and pressed his lips, against my tender and bruised ones.
“I will be, as long as I have you” I tell him.
“You’re always going to have me, whether you want me or not” he smiled at me, and I nodded.
I left the room then, knowing Zayn would only argue with me if I stayed. Though he cared, he could rip my throat out.
I showered taking my time, washing away everything that had happened, Harry skin on mine, James hand on me, the knife against my face, and most importantly, the feeling of letting Zayn down, Again.
I walked down the stairs in one of Zayn shirts and some leggings. Niall stood in the kitchen, and I smiled softly walking in.
“Whoa, have you looked in the mirror?” Niall stopped what he was doing and reached for my face, and I smiled.
“So charming, I really don’t know how your single” I tell him, and he smiled softly laughing a little at me.
My right eye was black, and I had a cut on my let eyebrow that was deep, my nose was swollen, and my lip of split. “You want to see the other guy” I mock, knowing the other guy looked just fine.
“Your joking, but your sad” he told me, and I nod with half a smile and sigh, he opened his arms, and I walked into them and he held me for a minute or two.
“Please don’t squeeze” I whispered, and he pulled back tucking one of my now long curls behind my ear.
“Why?” he asked me, and I step back little, lifting the shirt to show him my ribs, “Fuck” he uttered. Purple, Brown, and Blue bruises covered them, scratches from the floor when I fell lay on my skin. “No offence, your pretty fucked up” he told me.
“Yeah, I know” I smile weakly.
“Here, take these” he spoke, and reached into the first aid kit handing me, pain killers.
“With something stronger please?” I suggest, and he handed me his own whiskey glass, and I take down the ridiculous mixture, knowing both will momentary numb two different kinds of pain.
“Want me to sit with you for a while?” Niall asked me, and I smiled softly at him, and nodded taking another whiskey glass and the bottle.
We sat outside, in two chairs with the furnace blazing in the cold summer evening.
“You think it will ever all just stop?” I asked him, lay back in the patio chair, and he looked over to me.
“I wish I knew, I think I need a vacation or something” Niall smirked over at me.
“I’m serious, I don’t know how much more of this we can all take” I tell him, and he sighed to me, and reached his hand to touch mine.
“We can get through anything” he told me, and I smiled back wishing that was true.
“How are things with you and Zayn?” he spoke changing the subject, and I rewarded that with a larger glass of whiskey.
“We talked, we argued, I cried, he kissed me, I left… and so the cycle goes” I spoke, waving the glass lightly in the air.
“Well that isn’t healthy” Niall spoke, looking at the glass then at me.
“The Whiskey or Zayn?” I asked with a a tired sigh.
“Both” he uttered pressing the glass to his lips.
We sat there for a good hour or two, seconds mixed with minutes, which mixed with hours, which then dropped back to seconds, so I don’t know how long we were there. All I know it we had both drowned in a bottle of whiskey.
“Everything feels better this way” I spoke laying back and smiling.
“What, drunk?” he told me, glancing over.
“I prefer the word ‘intoxicated happiness’” I smirk.
“That’s two words” he smiled.
“Okay, then the phrase” I spoke, and he chuckled deeply.
“I should go to sleep, so should you, the best thing for wounds like yours, is sleep” he stood up, and I shrugged.
“I like them, it’s a reminder that it was all real” I say, and he sighed for me.
“Don’t stay out here too long” he told me, and I nodded softly to him, and he bent down to kiss my forehead. “It will get better princess” he told me, and I smile up at him.
“Will it, or is that it? Does it all down hill from here” I chuckled sadly, and he sighed for the girl with all spirit gone.
“Niall…” I spoke, and he crouched down beside me, and I looked to him, “Can I tell you what hurt the most about today?” I asked him, and he nodded softly.
“It wasn’t how many times I got hit, or the fact it was Harry’s fault… it was the fact that he didn’t even try to stop himself, and he didn’t say sorry, and he… he brought her, you know? I mean I know I have no right to him, no right to say who he can be with and who he can’t… but her? He let his new girlfriend almost kill me… so it got me thinking…” I paused, “Did he ever love me at all, or was it to get back at Zayn in some kind of sick way? Was he playing me?” I asked him.
“That’s what hurt? Not knowing if he really loved you?” he asked me, and I nod.
“Regardless of every other fact, I did love him Niall, in some way, at some point, I was in love with him… so what if he wasn’t in love with me” I say softly, with tears spilling down my cheeks, “Would it change anything?” I asked him, “I mean, would we be sat here right now having this conversation, if he really loved me?” I asked him.
“Brook what are you saying?” Niall asked.
“What if he didn’t love me, and somehow I knew? You know like at the wedding, the reason I left with Zayn was because I knew Harry didn’t love me! Maybe… maybe if he really did I would of-..” I was cut of.
“Okay, so you’ve had too much to drink, and now your saying crazy shit, so I am going to stop you, you are in love with Zayn and that is how it is always going to be, stop thinking about Harry, your just tired, and stressed, and need to chill out… Harry loved you, but you always loved Zayn” he told me.
“Remember when Zayn was the one I called Dark?” I asked Niall, and he sighed agin for me.
“Who would of though we’d live to see the day that the dark one wasn’t Zayn … it was Harry” I told him.
“You know there is a book Niall.. and it talks about how you can be like a bomb and one day your just going to blow up? Well that’s me, “I’m a grenade and at some point, I’m going to blow up” - Thats the line, that’s me too though Niall, one day I’m going to explode and hurt… kill… the people around me” I tell him.
“Your not a grenade” he told me.
“No, then what am I?” I asked him, and he smirked down at me.
“Your more like an atomic bomb, you’ll cause mass destruction… but you want to know the beautiful thing about that?” he asked me, and I nodded.
“Unlike a grenade, people will just die, and that’s it… it doesn’t serve a bigger purpose… but an atomic bomb - you- will bring a city together, unit a country, make it stronger, it makes everyone put there differences aside, and work for the same team… and that’s you Brook, that’s what’s so beautiful about you” he told me, “You serve a bigger purpose, you save the world by destroying it, you make us all need each other” he told me, and I smile at him softly.
“Your sure that’s a beautiful thing, destroying everything around me?” I asked him, and he nodded smiling.
“Very beautiful” he told me, and bore his blue eyes into mine, pushing a blonde curl behind my ear.
“Goodnight Niall” I tell him, and he smiled kissing my forehead. Finally walking away.
I sat outside for moments, more when movement came from over the low baring fence. “Hello?” I called and looked out, seeing a figure. I peer further forward, and messy swap of long brown hair is coming towards me.
I gulp stepping back.
“I’m not going to hurt you, not yet” he spoke.
“Didn’t anyone tell you? This is private property” I spoke, and he still walked forward, revealing himself in the light, and I look to him.
“What do you want?” I snapped, trying to hold my ground but wanting nothing more than to run to him, and tell him that I would still take him back into the group if he would tell me he was sorry, tell me this was a mistake, I would make the others forgive him.
“Carly got you pretty bad, huh?” he asked, and I reach up and brushed over my lip.
“Yeah, no thanks to you” I snap at him.
“Please, don’t take it personally” he told me, and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Just say you didn’t mean it, and I can move on” I sighed and stepped forward.
“Your so desperate for me to come back, for me to be that weak little boy in love with you! It isn’t going to happen Brook, with them I have respect, okay? They treat me as one of them, not like you ever did, or ever would for that matter… it’s over Brook, I am going to take you away from them and them away from you, your going to see what it’s like to alone” he seethed at me.
“I just need to understand why!” I say sternly.
“Because you broke my fucking heart Brook, and I won’t make that mistake again, I have a new gang, and a new girlfriend to go with it… and Carly, she may be a bitch, and she may not know when enough is enough, but at least she loves me” he told me.
“Is that what she told you?” I snap.
“No, that is what I know” he snaps back.
“They have you fooled Harry, and your going to get hurt… and I can’t help you this time” I spoke.
“I don’t want your help Brook, If I wanted your help? I wouldn’t of been washing your blood of my shirt with a grin on my face” he snapped, and that was it, it all too much for one night.
“Go away, you’ve ruined enough for today” I tell him, not wanting to hear the sound of both our hearts shattering anymore.
“Oh darling, I am just getting started, Is Zayn really looking like the safer choice now?” he smirked at me.
“Yes. Me and Zayn may fight, but he wouldn’t pull all this shit you are just to prove a fucking point” I told him.
“That’s what you think this is, you think that the same old Harry is going to just come to his senses?” he asked me, and I looked him dead in the eyes, and he walked closer to me, “This, is the new and improved Harry, and if you don’t like it… then tough shit, because I won’t stand down again, not even if it means you get hurt” he snarled.
“You don’t mean that” I shook my head.
“I do” he smirked the words, “You should go and sober up” he stepped away talking a little louder.
“I am sober” I told him.
“Are you, or has it just got to the point where you don’t know being sober from being drunk, when it’s all just one big blur” he told me, and I gulped.
There was so much truth in his words, he smirked, laughing a little as he did so.
“See you soon” he smirked and hopped over the low wall in the back garden, just walking into the night.
“What happened to that perfect goodbye?” I call.
“You don’t deserve perfect” he just walked away with out looking back.
I took walk inside, with more tears streaming down my face.
I looked in the liquor cabinet, and got out a bottle of rum. I walked into the living room, and stood there for a minute, placing the glass and bottle on the table.
My head was spinning, or maybe that was the room.
I couldn’t take it, it was all changing, I was loosing people.
Maybe Niall was wrong, because right now I was about to blow up quickly, just like a grenade which the cord had been pulled on, I wasn’t going to slowly burn and fire slowly like the Atomic bomb he thought I was, I was the quick and ear piercing, grenade.
I picked up the bottle of rum that was full, and threw it against the wall, watching the clear liquid run to the floor.
I walked over, to it, kneeling down, and picking up glass in my hands, and I cut my finger by accident and I would of winced in pain, but I didn’t, I couldn’t, I couldn’t feel it. I could feel anything.
The grenade had exploded, and I was the only casualty.
Shout out to @CorkyPorky <--- just because she was the one who wanted me to use trios references, and I hope I did it justice. Please comment and tell me if you are all enjoying it! :D ILY