Me and Zayn had lay in bed for the remainder of the day, I had showered and lay in his arms naked, and it felt incredibly revealing but he made me feel so much better. When no one was around, it was better.
Me and Zayn being alone, it just worked.
Maybe we had reached the point where no other person, was going to replace each other, and I liked that. I had never felt more secure with Zayn, then I felt in that moment.
Five o’clock came around far to quickly, and I sat on the couch a little bit moody, because Zayn was getting ready to drive me, something about a change of plan where we were meeting him.
“Come on” he spoke, picking his car keys up from the coffee table.
“Can I not just do it on my own?” I asked him, and he cocked his head with raised eyebrows and walked over to me.
“No” he whispered, and kissed my forehead.
I pulled myself of the couch and looked to Zayn who stood like perfection in the door way.
“See when we are alone, we don’t want to kill each other” I say walking over to him.
“Should we just leave?” he asked me.
“What, leave everyone else to clean up my mess?” I asked him.
“Yeah” he smirked at me, and I shook my head.
“As much as I want to run off into the sunset with you, I care to much about them all” I say.
“I wish you were a bitch sometimes” he whispered against my lips, and pressed them against mine.
“Your going to behave, right?” he asked me then as we walked out to his car.
“When don’t I?” I smirk to him, and he rolled his eyes with a delicate little smirk placed on them.
“I will, don’t worry” I say.
We drive with the radio playing low, and we sit quite content in the silence of each others company.
“So who is it I am going to see?” I ask.
“Dani” he spoke.
“She is going to be a bitch” I say.
“She sounded okay on the phone” he spoke.
“Yeah, well you would say that” I tells him and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Why?” he asked me, a teasing smirk danced on his lips.
“Because girls are always nice to you, and if they are nice to you, your going to think the same thing back” I say to him.
“What to you take me for, she was nice!” he defends.
“Bull shit” I laugh.
It was little bickering like this that I missed the most, how we could laugh at situations like this, maybe if I talk to him instead of this Dani girl, things would just get better.
“Can I make a suggestion?” I asked him, and he hummed a bright yes.
“I want you to give me one hour a week, where we sit and talk about everything that pissed the other person off, we don’t argue, we talk about it, and we do this… we laugh at it” I say.
“Your still going to see Dani” he told me.
“Find okay, what ever” I say to him, and he smirked.
“One hour a week, to bitch to each other, I think I can do that” he smirked over at me, and I smile at him, crinkles rising by our eyes.
“I love you” I remind him.
“You better had” he grins, and I smile as his reached across and lay his hand on my thigh.
We pull up outside a tall building, and walk inside, Zayn holding my hand so I can retreat or runaway.
We get in side and all the walls are white, and shining, it is far to bright in here to what I am use to. We reach the front desk and perky girl with dazzling blue eyes and long black hair smiled warmly at us, “Hi, how may I help you?” she asked me.
“We have a meeting with, Dani?” Zayn says.
“Oh, Dr. Carter?” she asked, and Zayn nodded.
“Take a seat” she whispered, and Zayn nodded and pulled me to the black leather couch, I cross my legs, and Zayn puts and arm around my shoulder, and a hand on my thigh.
“Your nervous” he told me.
“No, I am okay” I lie.
“Don’t lie, you tap your foot when your nervous” he says, and I look at my foot and sighed stopping.
“I’m fine” I say, and he laughed at me.
“You don’t have to tell her your whole life story, just how your feeling” he whispered in my ear.
“I’m feeling like, you could take me home, do what you want with me?” I suggest, trying to persuade him to take me away from here, not wanting to sit with a woman for an hour or two, explaining my problems.
“As tempting as that is… your staying here” he spoke, I huff a little.
“Must be serious if I can’t tempt you with sex” I smirk, and he doesn’t smirk back.
“I just want you to be okay, doll” he whispered, his face dropping a little.
“I know” I reply.
We sit there for a few more minutes, and then the door opens. “Malik?” a voice spoke, it was low and dominating. Zayn glanced up, and I stood up with Zayn, as he kept hold of my hand. “I’m dr. Carter” the man spoke, and Zayn frowned, and looked back over to me.
“Your Dani?” Zayn snarled, at the good looking man.
“Yes, well Daniel” he smiled warmly, and looked back to me.
“I was under the impression you’d be a chick” Zayn spoke.
“Did my secretary call me Dani on the phone? Well I see the confusion, you thought she was me” Daniel spoke, and I sighed.
Zayn was suddenly not a big of “Dani”.
“Well, your Brook I take?” he asked me, and I nodded smiling, stepping forward to shake his hand as Zayn kept hold of my other one.
“Nice to meet you” he spoke, and I smile back at him.
“Shall we get started?” he asked and I looked to Zayn, who groaned a little, I kissed his cheek softly, and he looked a little ease.
“It’s alright, you want me to get better, I am going to, even if it isn’t with the Dani you expected” I spoke, and he sighed a little, and I turned his face to mine and kiss his lips.
“Be here in an hour?” I ask him, and he hummed a yes against my lips.
“Oh Dr. Carter, no funny business with her, she’s mine, and the last man that crossed me… he isn’t a good place now” he spoke, the last man was Harry, so I suppose Zayn was right.
Harry wasn’t in a good place.
I dropped Zayn’s hand and followed Daniel.
I wasn’t calling him a doctor, not until I was better. “Take a seat” he smiled widely at me and opened the door for me to walk in.
“Are you always this positive?” I stop before walking in, and he smiled.
“It’s part of the job”.
I worm my way into the room, and looked around, my feet carefully stepping on the shining floor. I sit as he gestures me to.
“So Brook Green?” he asked me, and I nod.
“Your boyfriend is quiet something, isn’t he?” he smiled at me, and I nodded softly at him.
“So you should know now Brook, everything you say to me in this room is confidential I won’t tell anyone, you can tell me anything you would like to, even your deepest darkest secret, or nothing at all… but it is strictly professional” he says, and I gulp nodding.
Now realising how attractive he was. Dark blonde hair, and enticing eyes.
“Okay” I whispered.
“Okay, so is there anything you would like to talk about” he asked me.
“Not really, I don’t like talking about my issues with strangers, this was Zayn’s idea” I say.
“Your boyfriend?” he asked me, and I nod.
He walks over to me, and sits beside me on the leather couch.
“Drink?” he asked me.
“He’s says I have a drinking problem, yes” I sigh.
“I meant would you like a drink” he points to the table where a tea pot is lay.
“Oh” I say.
“So, is that why he wants you to be here?” he asked me, and I nod again.
“Would you say you have a drinking problem?” he asked me, and I gulp shaking my head.
“Sorry, how about we get to know each other first?” he suggests, and I nod.
“Okay, I am a scorpio, I like long walks, I have three younger sisters, and two older brothers, I am from Washington but I moved to London two years ago after I went travelling with my brother Paul” he says.
Zayn said I wouldn’t have to tell him the story of my life.
“What about you?” he smiled warmly at me.
Confidential, everything I said would stay in this room.
“I’m a leo, I like whiskey-..” I pause and smirk down at my life at my own ironic comment, and then look back up, “I have a brother who tried to kill me, and I moved out when I met Zayn, because my parents faked their death” I finish.
“That’s a little different from my story” he told me, and I nodded.
“What was your childhood like?” he asked me, and I laughed a little.
“Not all problems are because of a bad childhood you know, my parents were great, I had an amazing childhood, you want to know the truth, the minute I met Zayn Malik my life was turned upside down” I say without thinking.
“Is he the cause?” he asked me.
“Probably” I whispered.
“So, would you change things, if you could back somehow, would you?” he asked me, and I smiled softly, and shook my head.
“No, Zayn … Zayn maybe the best thing in my life” I spoke.
“He may of taken a large part of it with out knowing, but he now is my life” I say to him, and he nodded noting something down on his clipboard.
“That’s nice” was all he said, and I found that a little rude.
We sat there for a while then, and he asked me question after question.
“Are we just going to small talk every time” I say.
“What else would you like me to talk about?” he asked me, and I shrug.
“Your the councillor, you figure it out” I snap at him, and he cocks his head to me.
“I’m sensing some anger?” he asked me, and I rolled my eyes.
“Okay, you seem more comfortable talking about Zayn, am I correct?” he asked and I nodded reluctantly.
“So, what made you fall in love with him?” he looked up from his clipboard.
“It wasn’t exactly a choice” I say, and he nodded for me to continue.
“Ever heard that phrase, the course of true love never did run smooth?” I asked him, and he nodded.
“Well, that’s what it is like for us, we fell in love and since that moment, nothing has been easy for us, but you get use to it, the fights, the constant disappointment, it’s all part of the cycle” I say to him.
“Tell me about the fights” he demanded in a light tone.
“I mess up, he messes up” was all I could give.
“Tell me more” he raises his eyebrows. “No matter how strong everyone thinks they are, we all have a breaking point Brook, I am just here to learn yours, so I can help” he continues. “So, what would you say was the biggest challenge, you and Zayn had to face?” he persists.
I sighed, and realise, Daniel wasn’t going to let me go until he knew the in’s and out’s of my life, but it hurt to talk about all the bad things that had happened, because it was just a painfully brutal reminder that it was in-fact, all real.
“Harry” I whispered, lowering my voice, as if Zayn was creeping outside the door, and would shudder if heard that name from my lips.
“Who?” he asked me.“
Looking up at him, “Harry, he was our biggest challenge” I say.
“Elaborate” he tells me.
I cock my head, how could I?
“Tell me how it started” he says, and looks up at me with soft eyes and I feel a little more relaxed.
“When we first met, I honestly didn’t think he would end up being so important to me” I sighed, and ran my fingers through my hair. I drag myself through the story, from the day we met in hospital, and the day I kissed him for the first time, and the look on Zayn’s face, the dagger I feel myself being stung with ached in every part of my memory, and I feel my eyes sting with tears, but no wetness leaves my eyes, I leave my cheeks bone dry. “Even now-..” I stop myself, considering the words before the tumble out, “… I am not ready to say goodbye to him… not yet” I hush myself, and sink into myself.
“You really have been through it all, haven’t you?” Daniel spoke, no longer with his clipboard in hand, but with a sympathetic glow on his face, and furrowed eyebrows that led to his eyes gazed for the girl that thought she could handle the world.
“Any advice, doc?” I smirk up through blurred eyes, and he smiled softly at me, moving closer to me.
“Someday, we’ll forget the hurt, the reasons that we cried, and who caused us all that pain. Your going to realise that the secret to being free, isn’t revenge like you all think you need to get, its letting things go at there own pace” he says to me.
“But that means waiting for something, something that might never even happen” I say to him, and he nods in agreement. I sit there for a moment, in silence, realising time was almost up, and Zayn would be waiting for me.
“Did you say goodbye, maybe that is what you need to do” he speaks standing up, and shook my head.
“It won’t be that, that hurts me, it will be all the flashbacks that follow when he is gone” I spoke.
“Same time next week?” he stops my mind from thinking of Harry, and I nod standing up.
“Thank you, I guess” I whispered.
“I’m sorry to rush you, but if you dwell on the pain, you’ll drown in it” he says, and I nod and walk outside, he follows me out.
“Remember that okay?” he says, and I know.
“If I dwell, I will drown” I repeat back to him, and he smiled, and patted me on the back.
“See you next week, Brook” he left then, and I wait for Zayn to pick me up, I get a text saying he will be five minutes, or so.
So I stand outside, and wrap my arms around myself, and I think about what Daniel said, maybe I did need a real goodbye, my own, not with him hurting me, and me hurting him. I pull out my phone, five minutes. I have five minutes. I dial the last known number I have for Harry.
“Hello…” he whispered into the phone, he had just woke up, his voice was low, and I imagined his face to me soft, and his hair to be a perfect mess.
“It’s Brook” I say.
“Brook?” he asked, more alert and more awake.
“Yeah” I whispered, my words turning to air.
”What… er… What do you want?” he asked me, innocence rang in his voice, though I knew none was there.
“This is my goodbye, regardless of the fact, I really don’t want it to be said, it has to be done, now” I whispered, and that lump came back to my throat. “I’ll miss you, yeah… you were never good for me” I say.
“Brook, what are you talking about?” he asked me, “Are you drunk?” he asked again.
“I wish” I say.
“I had to say goodbye, in a way you couldn’t stop me” I tell him.
“What if I hang up?” he says.
“It’s fine, I have said all I have too” I whispered, and now that his voice sounds so fragile, I let a tear roll away.
“How are you saying goodbye to someone you can’t live without?” Harry whispered.
“I live with out you now, and I am still breathing” I say.
“Barely” he tells me.
“Your sure this is what you want?” I asked him, making sure one last time, I didn’t have to let him go.
Then an awful silence fell, “If I say no, you’ll think me to be lying, if I say yes you know it’s true, so why are you asking?” he questions.
“Because I was giving you one last chance to fix my heart” I sighed into the phone.
“You’ve given me one too many to do that” he whispered back.
Bright headlights pulled me away from Harry’s voice, “Goodbye” I say, and hang up before he can change my mind, and I tuck my phone into my pocket.
I turned back and the car had pulled it’s self up onto the curb, and I smiled softly, and got in. “Hey” I sighed, and turned to look at Zayn who quickly kissed me.
“Missed you” he muttered.
“I see that” I laughed pulling myself back.
“So how did it go, was he okay with you, he didn’t look at your funny did he?” he asked me, and I shook my head quickly.
“No, we just talked” I said.
“What about?” he asked me.
“Just life, I suppose” I shrug.
‘You sure, your very pale” he said, and I shook my head.
“I am okay, I promise, it was just odd, you know? Talking to someone who was trying to understand problems, I didn’t even understand myself” I whispered, and Zayn restarted the car.
“It will be better” he told me.
“I know, I’m not going to Dwell on the pain, I won’t drown in it” I say, and he grips my hand so tight, I feel like I am begin lifted from the water that stole my breath.
So sorry for the wait, I have been so busy, I think the next update will be later on this week! LY ALL THOUGH 91 FAVS, BAE!!