I sat outside this morning, it had been a week since Liam, I hadn’t really spoke to him, and I think Zayn had noticed. I had found someway of wondering down the stair case, and then taking myself outside with a blanket and a mug of hot coffee. Looking out to the fields around us, it wasn’t often I got a minute alone to think.
Zayn had clung to me most of the night, like a child with bad dreams. I lay awake, numb to everything but his heart beat, every so often he would move and knock me but it was a reminder that I was still living.
I sipped the coffee in the early hour of six, and sat looking at the sky and the fading clouds of night.
“You’re up early” I heard, and turned around to see Zayn leaning against the open door, “Couldn’t sleep?” he asked me, and I nodded turning to face forward.
“I was awake all night” I state.
“Well, that isn’t good for you” he told me, and to sit in the deck chair that was beside me. “Are you okay?” he asked me, and I turned to lookout him slowly, now the guilt had begun to eat away at me.
“I’m fine” I whispered, and give a weak smile averting my eyes from him.
“Are you sure? You’ve told you’ve been fine for so long, and when you say something so much Brook, it gets a little hard to believe” he told me, andI letting, pushing out the air I did not deserve to breath.
“I am, really, I’m just fed up” I tell him.
“What of?” he asked me.
“It not being me and you against everything, it’s… it’s so difficult for us to work when everyone around us wants a piece of you, or me… when we are alone, we work, when we are surrounded, we fall apart” I tell him.
He reached for my head, and gripped it so tightly, like he was so frightened of loosing me, “We are going to get through this” he told me, and I took a deep shaky breath and nodded, “I promise” he whispered.
“When did a promise ever mean anything to us?” I ask, half serious- half playful.
“We might not always fulfil what we set out to do, but in our own round about kind of way, we make it out alive, don’t we?” he smirks softly. Then for a moment everything is okay, the wind is soft, and his hand is against my skin, I smile at him.
“Yeah, we do” I spoke, “Even when we get a little bit broken along the way” I smile.
“I promise, I am never going to break your heart again, i’m never going to look at any other girl, I'm never going to run away, if you’ll have me forever, I am yours, though there is no saying forever will be a long enough time” he says.
I look away from the boy who adored me, and had given his heart to me one to many times, and I wept, i wept because he really did love me, he had hated himself for the things he had done to me. I had judged him for them, and had falsely done so, because I had had hurt him so much more, I was a reckless slut, who went around a broke hearts.
“I love you Zayn, and I am so sorry” I tell him.
“What are you sorry for?” he asked me
“For hurting you, for ruining your life, you had everything sorted out before I came into your life, when I came in your world got flipped, because you fell in love with me, and I am so sorry you had to fall in love with me” I tell him.
“Please, don’t apologise for me loving you” he frowns.
“I wish I didn’t have to” I sigh, “But you can’t say that everything has gone wrong has always been your fault, because its been more mine, I mean think about it, I faked my death-..| he cut me off.
“Only so you could live!” he spoke, getting mad at me.
“I should of told you, and then the whole thing with Harry, and being tempted by Louis, and…” I paused, to think off all the horrible things I had done, and as I thought and looked at him, I could see the scars of his battle wounds that I had inflicted. “I just wish I had been more carful with my own heart, instead of just throwing it around” I say with a slight laugh, that was just extra wasted air.
“You didn’t throw your heart around, you gave to the person who made you feel the safest, and that was never me” he told me.
“Don’t, Zayn, you’ve always looked after me, and I made you feel like shit, it was so bad of me, I’m glad you hurt me, because I deserved it, maybe you… you should of hurt me more” I tell him.
“Why are you saying all of this, your bad decisions, were only ever made, when I screwed up, whenever I wasn’t there, you went to Harry when I wasn’t there” he tried to defend me, against myself.
“And what Louis? Weren’t you loving me enough then?” I croak.
“Brook-..” I cut him off again.
“And what about Liam, Josh and Joe, and Caleb, and every other person I have ever considered loving… I’m a slut, and for the rest of my life Zayn I want to make up for the countless ways I hurt you” I spoke.
“Stop, I don’t want to hear you say their names” he shuddered, standing up. “I don’t want to think, of them touching you” he spoke louder, pacing the floor. “Their hands all over you, their lips kissing where I should of kissed!” he growled, and I turned my face away in sadness. “I don’t want to think, of you loving any other man but me” he lowered his voice as he stood behind me, he sounded so threatening, and it was something I hadn’t heard in a long time.
It felt like we were back in the early days, when if anyone looked at me, he would put a stop to it. That was the Zayn I fell in love with, the Zayn that wouldn’t let any man touch me, the Zayn that suffocated me in his four walls and wouldn’t let me out of his sight, the Zayn that somehow I missed, I loved that he was more sensitive now, but where had his dangerous streak gone, the dangerous streak that kept hold of me.
“I won’t let anyone touch me again, not if they aren’t you” I whispered, and he walked across the decking.
“I’ve let you go before, I’m not going to let you walk away again” he spoke.
“I wouldn’t walk away, who else would want me” I ask him, and he turns slowly, I don’t look at him.
“That shouldn’t be your reason to stay” he told me.
“It’s not, you are” I spoke.
“No one else?” he asked, suspiciously, I gulped. Liam. He wasn’t a reason to stay, if anything, right now, he was a big reason to leave.
“Just you” I spoke, and he came behind me, and put his arms on my shoulder and kissed my forehead.
“Please, don’t forget that your mine” he whispered in my ear.
“I don’t you’d let me” I say, and turn to look up at his as he kisses my lips softly and tenderly like he always does, and the spark is still there, it never left, and I was foolish to think it would ever leave, because I loved him and he loved me.
I just had to tell him about Liam, but not now, not yet, I wanted this moment, I wanted this lifetime. I just wanted him.
We all sat in the kitchen around the table, Niall sat beside me, and Hope the other side, she wanted to carry on doing what her brother was, and though we tried to talk her out of it, she wouldn't take our advice, she was strong.
“So, where do we go from here?” I asked, leaning forward on the table.
“Well, Ricky wants your head of a silver plate” Harry pointed to Zayn, “And Steve wants yours” he then pointed to me.
“Well they are going have a hard job getting them” Liam snapped, folding his large arms across his chest.
“What’s going to stop them?” Hope asked.
“Nothing, nothing ever does” I spoke quietly, and I felt Zayn out his hand on my shoulder.
“I can get back in, they don’t know I am here…” Harry began, and I nodded up at him, “If I can find out a way to break them from the inside, then everything would work out fine” he spoke.
Three heavy knocks came from the door, and everyone looked around at each other, we dared to see who would answer it, I stood up with my crutches, and hobbled to the door. “Let me go” Zayn stepped forward, I raised my eyebrows, “Or come with you” he told me.
“Come with me” I tell him.
We walked to the door, and opening the door, I saw Drake. Zayn stepped in front of me, and pushed me back, putting his arm out so I could not fight.
“What do you think you’re doing here?” Zayn asked, and Drake looked rough. He had bags of black under eyes, and stubble growing, he ran his hand over his beard, and his thin dry lips.
“I have to warn you about something” he spoke, “Can I come in?” he asked, and Zayn glanced back at me, and I touched his arm.
“Come on in, Drake” I say and move backwards, to let him in.
“Zayn let me talk to you alone, Brook run along” Drake spoke.
“Don’t dismiss me like a child” I snapped at him, and he rolled his eyes and looked to Zayn for help.
“I have a feeling this may be important, just go and tell the guys” he spoke.
“Don’t keep any of it from us” I warn him, and he nods closing his eyes kissing my forehead, and pushing me along.
She hobbled off. I turned to look at him, and nodded for him to go into the living room. “This better be worth it” I snarled as he walked into the room.
“Look, I am hear to help you so listen up, Ricky is coming here Next Wednesday night to take Brook, and he is getting Steve to take you out” he spoke.
“How the fuck do yo-..”
“There’s more, They are setting fire to house so they can get in, then taking her to New York, they have a mafia type thing there, and they are going to sell her to the gang over their if she won’t go easily they are going to her” he told me.
“Is that all?” I ask him sarcastically.
“No” he shook his head. “Zayn, the people they are selling her to, they involved with Human trafficking” he spoke.
“They want her to be a… fucking sex slave” I shout but lower my voice, remember Brook is only in the room next door. “Wait, how do you even know all this, huh?” he asked me.
“Look, I know I have let you down so much in the past, and I am trying to make up with it Zayn, I left you for years, and I want to try and make up for it, so I followed Ricky, bugged his office… you don’t think you get the skills you have from your mum, do you?” he smirked at me.
“You want to make up for it, bullshit, what do you get out of it?” I snarl.
“Nothing, nothing at all” he spoke.
“I thought I should warn you, because needless to say you know me and Brook have a history, and at some point I really did care about her” he tells me.
“You don’t anymore though?” I tell him, but it comes out as an insecure question.
“I care, that’s why I am here”
“Who do you care about? Me or Brook?” I snap.
“I care about you both” he frowns, “Would you rather me of kept it to myself, now you can at least try and stop him from doing it, you can get Brook out of here, and keep her safe, I just want to help Zayn… you’re just like your mother, she was stubborn too” he rolled his eyes.
“Well at least I am nothing like you” I snap.
“You are so much like me” he snapped right back, “And I don’t know if I ever told you, but I am proud of you, you know? In a weird sort of way, I am proud that you’ve become a criminal” he spoke.
“I’m not a criminal, I am good man” I say.
“If that’s what helps you sleep at night, sure” he spoke, “Look, I am going to have to get out of here, but I will be here on Wednesday night weather you want my help or not, I am going to be here” he spoke, and he turned to walk out.
“Thanks” I speak, struggling to get my head around it all.
“It’s okay… son” he spoke, and didn’t turn to face me, he just sucked in a breath and walked out, I then sucked in a breath to make sure he had left.
Zayn walked back into the kitchen pale faced, I didn’t know if I should go to him, or simply wait it out.
“What’s happened?” Harry spoke for me, and Zayn looked to Harry, and opened his lips to speak but stopped and shook his head, “Should I take Brook outside?” he asked, and I shook my head.
“Whatever he has just told you, you’re telling me” I stood up.
“We need to get ready, next Wednesday, they are coming” he told us.
“Ricky, he’s coming along, he has a plan, and… look we need to get ready to fight, because he wants me dead, to take Brook, and burn this place down… quiet literally” he adds on.
“Why don’t I just go to him?” I spoke.
“Don’t be stupid” Zayn seethed.
“Not permanently, we just say that I will go to him, and he leaves you alone, I will send you the information, and then you get the police” I spoke.
“It really is cute that you think it could be that easy” Flo stood up, and rolled her eyes at me.
“Well do you have a better idea?” I snap at her.
“Yes, I do” she snarled.
She was going to get guns, and take them out before they could get to us. She wanted to get me out of the way, let Harry take me out of the place so they wouldn’t see him, and we would hide out for a few days, which Zayn didn’t look too pleased about.
“You want me to sit back and hide again?” I snarl.
“I want you to keep your pretty little face out of my way, so I can save your ass” she snapped at me.
“Look, maybe she has point, if we hide you, they haven;t nothing to take” Zayn spoke.
“Nothing to take? Zayn, there are so many of them, they could easily take any one of you, the more people you have here, the better” I spoke.
“With you not being able to walk properly, do you really think you’ll be able to help” Tiff stood up joining in, and I roll my eyes, there was no point in arguing because they all clearly wouldn’t want me there.
“You’ll be away from here with me” Harry spoke, and smiled tenderly.
“What do they even want with me?” I asked.
Zayn looked to the floor, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I…I don't know..” he shuddered.
“Bullshit, Zayn, don’t lie” I shook my head.
“They want to take you, take you to New York, hand you over to a gang… that is why you can’t be here Brook, if they take you out there, we won’t get you back” Zayn spoke.
“Why New York?” I asked.
“They… Look, that isn’t what’s important” I spoke.
“You found us from around the world once before, why couldn’t you find us again?” Niall asked.
“Well to be quiet honest Niall, I don’t want her to fucking go at any rate, I don’t want to have to find her, when we don’t have to loose” Zayn snarled.
“You aren’t going to loose me” I say helplessly.
“He is right, you have to go with Harry, Brook. Get out of here for a few days, we will sort them out, go and have a vacation from us, from it all” Liam spoke.
“I don’t want to sit on the side lines” I snap.
“Just do as your told for once, Brook” Zayn scowled at me, there was more to this than he was letting on, and he wouldn’t say it in front of everyone.
“Should I just pack now?” I ask sarcastically.
“That would be perfect” Flo smirked my way.
“We will be gone by this time tomorrow… again” I say, as I walk out passed Zayn slowly, taking support on the crutches, that ruined the dramatic exit.
“Brook!” I heard, I turned and Zayn was at the bottom of the stairs. “I only want you to be safe” he sighed, and I gulped nodding.
“I know, I just wish you’d tell me everything, and maybe side with me instead of Flo” I snapped at him.
“Is that what you think I was doing?” he asked me, frowning.
“That is what you were doing” I say defeated. “Excuse me, I have to go and pack”
“I will help” he takes a step forward.
“No, it’s okay” I shook my head, and push him back a little, not hard but enough for him to know I want to be left alone, maybe it was better that way.