“Out now” Zayn snapped, and came over to me, pushing Ricky out the way. “Your not going to touch her” Zayn snarled.
“Fine, but you know the consequences” he smirked, and flickered his eyes back to me.
“Look at me not her-..” Zayn was cut off by James.
“Where’s Hope, Brook?” he asked me, and I looked over to Harry who stared at me with wide eyes, and looked back to James.
“She went home, she wasn’t feeling well” I spoke.
“Your sure she went home?” he asked me, and I nodded.
“We should leave” James spoke, and I nodded softly walking down following him.
“Brook?” Harry spoke, I turned to look at him. So did Zayn. He nodded for me to walk over to him, but the intimidating eyes that watched me forbade me.
“Look, Brook, I am a reasonable guy…” Ricky began walking over to me.
“I told you not to touch her” Zayn snapped.
“Why don’t we go and have a chat, I mean Harry and Brook clearly have some catching up to do” Ricky spoke.
“Liam, watch her, Louis you too” Zayn told him, “Niall go and get the car” he spoke.
“They don’t need to watch her, I’m not going to hurt her” Harry spoke.
“You’ve said that before” I whispered, “But I won’t let me touch me… you guys go” I say reluctantly.
“Boys you can all leave too… and you Carly” Ricky spoke, and she scowled at me before taking Harry’s face giving him a harsh kiss.
“Outside?” Harry asked me, and I nod following.
“Brook” I heard, and see Zayn quickly walk over to me. He played his hand on the base of my back, and kissed me, “Be safe” he whispered.
Hope’s Pov - Flash Forward.
I woke up in the arms off Harry, he tightly held me like he did every other night, but right now he felt more desperate.
“Morning” I whispered, and he stirred letting go of me as I sat up, he rested his head back down on my lap.
“Don't leave yet” he mumbled kissing my thigh, I smiled and ran my fingers through he soft messy hair.
“I am not going anywhere yet” I told him, he mumbled something I didn't quiet catch.
“What time is your flight?” he asked me.
Brook had ruined it, by not obeying his rules, by not sicking to what he said, by loving Harry. I was going to live in Italy for three months with my grandmother. - She said it was for the best, and I struggled to believe that.
“3:30” I sighed.
“I have to be there for two” I added, he nodded and opened his eyes looking at me softly.
“You finished packing?” he asked me, I nodded slowly.
“Hey, we still have a few more hours” he spoke, I nodded and tried to smile, but the sad reality was in less that 24 hours I was going to be thousands of miles away from Harry, and that broke my heart.
“Harry” I whispered his name, he pulled back and looked me in the eyes, “I love you” I told him caressing his face, “I love you” he smiled, and kissed me softly once more.
I pulled the white sheets so I was covered, and he lay there next to me a vision of pure perfection. His shiny torso shone, and his hair was was messy which meant soon it would be soft.
“I don't know how we are going to do this” I spoke, he moved closer to me so I was pressed up against him.
Harry was always a man of few words, he didn't like to speak about his feelings, he said everything he needed to say with his eyes or his hands. Which was amazing, but so terrifying.
“Your so beautiful” he whispered to me. Then his phone rang, and I moved so he could answer it. “Hey” he sighed into the phone, frustrated by the interruption. “Now, no man... I am busy tonight” he shook his head, I rolled over and started to put my clothes back on.
Harry shook his head, at me telling me not to even think about getting dressed.
Instead he threw a shirt of his at me. “Catch you later man” he hung up the phone, and moved over to me.
Making sure his arms were firmly around me, he kissed my neck moving my hair so he could cover every inch of me.
“Harry!” someone shouted from down stairs, he groaned in annoyance.
“Riley’s home” he rolled his eyes.
Harry stood up and threw a pair of low jogging bottoms on, and opened the door walking down the stairs.
Soon he returned.
“Harry” I began looking over to him, “Will you promise not to find someone new… I don't want to loose what we have” I told him, he looked up at me. “I don't want to loose you” I whispered, and felt tears.
“Your not going to loose me” he spoke walking over to me wrapping his arms around me. “I am not going to let you go” he told me.
“Good, because I don't want to loose you either” I spoke and sniffled.
“What about Brook” I spoke.
“What about her?” he whispered.
“What if while I am gone, she realises she was wrong… she wants to marry you again” I whispered.
He didn’t answer. The silence drove a wedge between us.
“She won’t” he spoke softly, sadly.
That was her, she might not want to be with him, but I sure as hell know given half the chance, he would drop me for her in a heart beat.
“Okay” was all I said.
End of flash back
Me and harry stood outside in the cold.
“Do you want my jacket?” he asked me, and I shook my head at him.
“Please, don’t hurt Hope” I whispered.
“What makes you so sure I will?” he asked.
“Your not exactly seeming very stable right now, Harry” I say to him, and he turned to face me.
“I have to ask, is that the real reason you think I will hurt her” he spoke, and i looked over to him with soft eyes.
“What other reason could there be?” I asked him.
“You know the other reason” he whispered.
“It’s not that reason” I say.
“Are you sure?…You sounded very pissed of on the phone, at the fact that I was with her” he spoke.
“I’m not still in love with you” I tell us.
“Are you sure?” he asked me.
I looked to the floor, and I knew I knew I would still be lying if I said no.
“Exactly” he whispered, and stepped towards me.
Tired, and high on pure emotion, I almost let him catch me from my falling world, but I stopped. I thought of Hope’s smile when she spoke about him, and I thought of Zayn’s lips on my bare skin, and I couldn’t do it, so I stepped back.
“Don’t” I say.
“Is it such a crime that you could possibly still have a little love for me?” he says softly, sighing as he does does so.
“Yes, if I love you, I ruin Zayn, You ruin Hope, and I am not going to let that poor girl feel the way I felt, see the things I saw, she is completely in love with you, after such a short space of time, just like I was with Zayn, and I don’t want you to repeat my past with a different girl, I will not be like Lola was… I refuse to”
“Isn’t it my choice if I want to make the mistake of still loving you” he asked me.
“Yes… but I don’t want you to… if you do, there is a domino effect, others get hurt because of our mistakes Harry, this isn’t about you and me, its about the fact I love someone else… and you could love someone else, but you still choose to love me” I whispered.
“But I don’t know if I could ever love her… like I loved you” he says.
“Harry! Hope loves you, she is the type of girl who tries not to like you but loves you even more and falls even harder” I almost yell, my words turning into air, falling into the sky. “Harry… do you want to know the only reason I am here now?” I ask, and he looks up to me in the dark. “I am here now because I know the real you is still in there” I spoke.
“Look, your going to get hurt, the world isn’t always going to help you, its going to throw shit at you from every direction, and some how we just have to be okay with that, we have to move on, open our lungs to let the air in, and to let it help us breath… and Hope is your air” I say to him.
“Let me guess… Zayn is yours?” he asked me.
“Maybe…” I whispered.
“You can’t be uncertain about it… either he is, or he isn’t” he spoke.
“Harry! Come on” Carly lurched from around the corner.
“Five more minutes” he shouted back, and she rolled her eyes and disappeared again.
“Harry, why are you with her? She is a bitch. Hope? Hope loves you” I say.
“If your trying to make me love Hope, so you don’t feel guilty then i’m sorry but that isn’t how it’s going to work, do you want to know why I like her so much? because she reminds me of you, not now. The you I used to know. How you were so sweet, and you would smile at me like ignorance was bliss, and your innocent eyes are the ones that she still holds, that’s why I like her so much Brook… because she is you… but she won’t ever be you” he spoke.
Tears went to fall, but I stopped them.
“And what if she turns out like me, now? Will you love her then? Will you let her walk away so easily?” I spoke.
“I fought for you, don’t you dare say I let you get away easily” he snapped.
“I know, but you wanted to much” I say.
“What? I wanted you to love me, I wanted to give you the world, I wanted to love you, I did love you… I only wanted you to love me as much as you loved him.. and that was asking for too much?” he asked me, his heart breaking again, he has the same look on his face as the day I left him at our wedding.
“Look, Harry, we were stupid and foolish to think we could move on from everything… I mean for god sake I’m not even 20 and I’ve almost been married twice… and I’m not even sure I want to get married again” I spoke.
“Not even to Zayn?” he asked me, and I sighed shaking my head.
“Not even to Zayn.” I whispered.
“Would you marry me?” he asked.
“Your proposing?” I look up at him with light eyes, and smirk at him.
“Would you say yes?” he asked.
“No” I smirk.
“Is this goodbye going to be as hard as our last one?” he asked me, and I shook my head.
“I hope not” I say, smiling as the Harry I would love endlessly. He stood before me, with his boyish smirk, and his longer than ever before hair. but the second he saw Dominic, Steve, and Carly again, that boy would become invisible, and he would be a man hate with a burning passion.
“I should go” I say, and he nods.
I turn to leave but as I do, I feel his arm on my arm, turning me to face him, and his large tree trunk arms, wrap around me filling me with that natural warmth he always emitted. I hugged him back harder, taking in his sent, smiling with my eyes shut, knowing this was one of the last times I would be this way him, the lies he had told, the things he had done, the darkness that haunted his soul, would soon return, the minute I let him go.
So I stayed.
I stayed in his arms a moment longer, letting him hold me, and letting out breathing become the same, letting him be the air in my lungs, like he had been before. Taking all the bruises back he has beaten upon, letting the guilt we both felt diffuse into the twilight.
“Was that so hard” I whispered, “We could of made the first good bye that easy” I say.
“This was the hardest goodbye” he whispered softly against my exposed neck, “Because… now I know it really is over” he says.
“You should of known that from the start” I say, and pull back, letting my hand linger on his chin for gar to long, and letting my fingertip roll down his slightly stubbled jaw line.
He let me go, and I moved my hand from his cheeky slowly.
He turned and walked away tucking his large hands deep into the pockets of a coat, and I couldn’t help but think maybe one day it would all be over, and we could all say we made it.
It was just a matter of waiting for that day.
I turned around slowly and walked to the front of the building, Zayn wasn’t there, it was Niall and Liam that stood there, they spotted me.
“Hey” Liam spoke as I reached them, and I offered them a soft smile.
“You alright, what did he want?” Liam asked snarling at the pure idea of Harry.
“Just to talk” I say.
“Are you not going to tell us what about?” he asked me.
“There is a reason he wanted to talk to me, not to you” I spoke, hating that Liam was mad at Harry.
“It’s because we care that we ask” Niall spoke.
“Well, we just talked, nothing important” I say.
“Well, he hasn’t made you cry this time” Liam spoke.
“It’s normally me making him cry, not the other way around” I speak, “Anyway, forget it… where’s Zayn?” I asked him.
“He left…” Niall told me.
“He didn’t say, he went to find you, came back… left… literally two minutes ago” he spoke, and I sighed and rolled my eyes.
I pulled out my phone, and called him. Zayn would of seen me with Harry, and then got the wrong idea and left.
“Zayn, when you get this will you call me?… Please” I whispered.
“Do you know what’s wrong?” Liam asked me.
“Harry, when isn’t he going to be the problem” I say, hoping he was happy that Harry was the problem.
When Liam held a grudge, he really held it.
“Look, why don’t you guys go to the car with Louis, I kind of want to be alone” I spoke.
“Zayn will kill us, if he finds out we left you” Niall spoke.
“I can handle myself” I say and turn to leave, I don’t want to be around them, it is just a reminder that we aren’t whole at all.
Liam doesn’t speak to anyone, he will try and then the conversation fades. Louis is still guilt ridden, and I hate it, because if anyone was deserving to die, it was her. Niall is like a child going through a divorce, and seeing his family being ripped apart in front of him. Harry isn’t even here. I can’t get through the day without a drink, and I don’t even know where Zayn is at the moment.
I walked through there dark streets with my arms around myself.
I looked up to the glowing neon sign of the old bar that I met Zayn in for the first sign, it had been so long since I had visited here.
I walked through the place that had once been the source of everything in my life, and as I walked in the familiar look of the place hurt me a little more than it should.
I walked over to the bar. Sitting down beside a man with a black coat on, and his head bowed. I didn’t look at him, but it was the only space.
“Double vodka and coke please… hold the coke” I say to the bartender. As she hands it to me, I get out my purse, but the man beside me slides a £20 note along to her. “Thank you” I say softly, and then turn to meet the eyes of the man of who it was. Zayn.
“Nothing to say?” he asked me.
I sighed and picked up the glass, and took it to my lips, and drank the first drop. “There is nothing I can say” I spoke, and placed the glass back down.
“Your drinking, you told me you wouldn’t” he says.
“Yeah” I whispered.
“I saw you with Harry” he told me.
“You were hugging”
“That is all your going to say?”
“What do you want me to say? I am sorry? I’m not. He is my best friend, if you like it or not, it isn’t going to change, he may of hurt me, but being alone with him, it was like he hadn’t changed, so yeah… that is all I am going to say” I whispered.
“Stop being so sad” he touched my hand softly, and I closed my eyes. “Please” he begged me, sorrow dripping from him.
“I kind of like being sad Zayn… I don’t worry about smiling then, or being happy… all I have to do is feel nothing” I say, staring at the glass with his hand on mine.
“Can I buy you another?” he whispered.
I looked over to him, “You will?” I asked him.
“I want you to be happy, and if that means you have to drown yourself in liquor to do so… then fine” he spoke.
“No, I want you to take me home, and just lay with me, stop the voices in my head, and tell me that we are going to be okay, and that even though I have doubts you have doubts, it doesn’t matter because we love each other” I say.
“I can do that” he smiled at me and leant in and kissed me softly, and I smiled at him. “Your not alone in this, doll” he whispered, and that was the name I remembered. The name I now loved.
Walking home in the cold moonlight with Zayn, he once again became the air in my lungs, replacing Harry.
I only wish for one thing. That one day, his sadness will go, and it will be replaced with something beautiful.