I'm glad I can say that last night's sleep was one of the best I've had since I became completely dedicated to dancing. I had to sleep in Michael's bunk, however, since Michael still wanted to bunk with Arabelle and Ashton refused to get up. I will now also mention that I have some respect for Luke. We held an actual conversation last night; something about him was just trustworthy. I guess I should try to be nicer to him, as well as the others.
It seems that Ashton has pulled a reverse switch and is now ignoring me. I'm upset that I upset him, but I had every right to. Yeah, sure I like Ashton. I like Harry and Luke and Liam too. Not in the same way as Ashton I guess, but there's a reason why I'm not close to people. People are distractions. They take you away from what you have in mind.
I'm currently sitting in the break room of the stadium where the One Direction boys were rehearsing dance moves one last time before tonight. I'm tying my shoe for what seems-like the hundredth time because I can't be bothered to double-knot the knot. 5SOS were currently on stage doing their sound check.
"You all set there, Camilla?" Niall asks as Amena spun in his hands.
"We should just get you velcros," Harry adds.
"Oh please. I'd rather dance in lava than wear velcros. What am I, a child?" I laugh.
"I'm just glad you're not threatening to throw me in lava." Harry chuckles at me, pulling me up.
"Oh my god, she seems so fake." I hear a girl whisper.
"Who's she?" I grimace, asking Harry.
"Oh, that's Lila. She's been here since the first day watching. She's partners with Zayn now who was previously partners with Leah who knew she had to leave because of family issues." Liam answers instead.
"There was another girl? Where are all these people coming from?" I continue dancing, although it's correct to say I feel like everyone is purposely trying to screw with me before the big show. I shook it off. "Ok, whatever. Forget it."
Just as I try scratching it off, Liam is pulling Lila over to me. "Lila, this is Camilla. Camilla, this is Lila."
"Nice to meet you," I try to say genuinely.
"And you as well, big fan of your work I must say." She shakes my hand and I shake it back. I admire Fran Drescher very much and all her work, so no offense to her when I say Lila's voice was just as annoying. You could also say that she is as fake as my step-mother's nose, but that would be rude, wouldn't it? I mean, all she did was call me fake and then tried to slide it off. How rude of me to say the same about her? I laugh to myself before telling Lila thank you.
"Harry!" I shout after the encounter, forgetting he was behind me.
"Behind you. Don't have to be so loud."
"Sorry. Now let's get to work." I clap my hands, hustling up the group just as another group of untamed boys burst in cheering and hollering.
"I can't wait for the show tonight!" Michael states excitedly. Calum says something along the lines of Michael's statement and they continue to cheer out of the room.
"Hey Ashton," I greet as Mike and Cal move out of my view of him. He gives me a blank expression with empty looking eyes. The emotions this kid has put me through within the limited amount of days I've known him is excruciating.
"You should tell him." Luke whispers to me as he walks. Harry and I continue dancing.
"Tell him what?" I pretend I don't know.
"You know, about the thing."
"I know what you're talking about ya dork," I give him a smile so 'dork' seems less harsh, "I just don't think now is the right time. I told you. It would just be too hard to maintain a relationship with him after the tour. I know you guys already have dates for your next tour out already."
"Forget that! At least give him a chance on this tour."
I stop my feet. "Harry, can you give me a second to talk to Luke here?"
He smiles and nods, leaving me with Luke who I pulled to the corner farthest from Ash. "Luke, listen. I know I told you that I didn't want to give him any hope and all. If I were a different person, living off of a different dream, then I'd go out with him in an instant. That's not the case and if we end up dating, I'm going to be full of so much hope and you guys will leave and I will be the one with broken hope. It's just not gonna work."