If I were to tell you that there is something more awkward than my date with Ashton, would you believe me? Well, there is. It just happens to be his band-mates around him and I. We are not a kissy-affectionate-PDA-type of couple. We actually barely hold hands and have kissed twice in the last three days, if you count the kiss he planted on my forehead on our date. His bandmates are always howling and woo-ing when we walk in a room together like animals, mainly Calum and Michael, and even though we seem to be together all the time, Luke manages to save me and give me a break from Ashton.
The relationship is nice, it really is. Ash and I connect. He dances with me when Harry isn't free and sometimes he just sits there watching me. I screw up a lot lately and it feels like I've lost myself in the part I've given to him. My heart is divided between Ashton and dancing when really, my heart and soul need to be poured into dancing so I can work on getting onto the big stage.
"How does it feel to be in a relationship with a 5Sos boy, Cam?" Arabelle sits beside me on the tour bus, roughly two weeks after mine and Ashton's date.
I groan, "Don't use that word."
She laughs lightly, her eyes crinkling in the way they always do when she laughs. "You two are adorable together, truly. If only I could get Mikey to ask me out!"
I sigh, relieved that she switches the topic just as quickly as she started it. "Well, it's crazy that he hasn't yet, Ari."
She gasps with fake excitement, "You just nicknamed me! You like me enough to nickname me!" She flips her red hair to the opposite side that it belongs on, making the top a huge bump, which causes me to laugh.
"Calm down there, Arabelle," I say still laughing. "I do like you. In fact, I'd say that you're my friend. If nothing more, my closest friend."
Her smile becomes wide and she squeals, "Oh! I always told you that you were a good person! I've hardly heard you say a mean thing since you and Ashton started dating!" Her flamboyant behavior makes me smile, as she heads back toward the bunks where Mikey is still sleeping.
Ashton takes a seat beside me. "Are you nervous?" I ask as he grabs my hand.
He places a kiss on my lips before responding, "Not really. I mean, this is our second tour." He leans in closer to me and whispers, "My nerves don't start until about an hour before the show. I can't wait to see the stadium, though. This is a new tour stop."
I nod before he continues, "What about you? Are you nervous?"
This literally makes me laugh aloud. Is he forgetting who I am? I've won over six hundred dance competitions and competed in nearly seven hundred. "Of course I'm not nervous. I've done this so many times before. It's really not a big deal to me anymore."
"Do you love dancing?" he asks, his voice low.
I nod, and laugh, trying to get rid of the seriousness of the moment, "Do you love drumming?" I ask to prove my point.
Ha laughs, "Point made, Cam. But sometimes, it seems weird, ya know?" I shake my head, because I truly did not know. "It's rather hard to explain, darling, but I dropped out of school for this. You know? Like, when you go to college or university you get a degree and have something to do the rest of your life. What if the band breaks up? They're all singers, they can make it. But, no one goes to see a drummer play live."
I nod, sympathetically. I had never thought of those fears myself, but it is true that I won't be able to be a dancer forever. Someday I'll be too old and not flexible enough to be a dancer. Instead of pitying myself, however, I know that I must focus on the present. "I'd come watch you, Ash."
Once I say this, I know I completely mean it.
"Harry! Harry? Harry Styles!" I call throughout the large backstage of the hall where the concert is being held. "Have you seen Harry?" I ask one of the stylists, who shrugs her arms. "Harry!" I call again.
"Hey, Camilla!" I stop when I hear my name and turn to see Liam, who stops himself right in front of me.
"Hello," I say while still looking around. "Do you know where Harry is?"
"No, but I wanted to congratulate you on your new boyfriend," he wiggles his eyebrows.
"Thanks, Liam," I say, slightly annoyed, as I just want to find Harry. I step to the side of him, "But I really must be finding Harry."
"Wait," he says stepping in front of me once again. "Would you like to come on our bus tomorrow? You can hang out with us lads."
"Sure, Liam. I really have to go." I quickly walk off and continue searching for Harry. I'd really like to practice our dance one last time before the first show. But he is nowhere to be found.