I would like to say that I am okay after the whole Ashton kind of professing his feelings for me at the interview, but I'm not. First off, my mind keeps going back to how cute I think Ashton is and that bothers me. Lots of guys are cute, sure. But I don't constantly think about any of them. Secondly, Amena and Sarah are mad at me because the interviewer only asked about me.
"Why does she get asked about and no one else? No one with such a bad attitude should get all of the attention," Sarah whines.
To which Amena replies: "Seriously. Like, I don't care how good she is." With that, she turns to me, "We all hate you. The One D boys talk about how they think you're rude."
This causes me to laugh, "Who did you go to the pre-tour party with?" My question causes them both to stop their petty laughing, "Because as far as I remember, Harry asked me to go, and none of them asked either of you to go. You both went by yourselves."
The two of them abruptly leave and go to their respective bus, and Arabelle laughs, "That was funny. But, you know I didn't go with any of the One D boys, either."
"You went with Mikey. You got asked. Because you're nice and cute," I said while tapping her on the nose.
"You know, you're honestly not that bad of a person. You seem nice," she says.
"You sound like Ashton now," I say while rolling my eyes.
A grin appears on her face, and she starts to giggle. This causes me to ask why she is giggling. The longer she laughs, the angrier I get, and this causes her to laugh more. The cycle continues until all of the boys (One D and 5SoS) exit the building and make their way to us.
"Why is she laughing so hard?" Niall asks.
I roll my eyes, "I don't know! She's been laughing like this for five minutes now. It's making me angry." I recount the story of what happened with Amena and Sarah. By the time I'm done speaking, Arabelle has calmed herself down enough to speak, but when she does, she tells us that she can't say why she was laughing with all of the boys present.
Arabelle and the boys start to walk back towards the buses, but I pull Harry back. "Do you all talk about how you hate me?"
He shakes his head, "Oh no! You're a little bossy, sure. But we all know what it's like to just be doing your job. We understand why you want the dancing to be perfect. We're the same way with our voices."
I nod and thank him, waving to him as I walk toward my bus and he does to his. I turn my head in time to bump into Ashton, whose gaze is locked on Harry. After a moment, he turns to face me. "Sorry," I mumble.
"Can we talk?" he asks, before adding, "Alone?"
I gulp slightly but still nod my head, unsure of where this is going. Truth be told, I've been avoiding Ashton since I nearly kissed him at the party. I can't have a boyfriend. I can't develop feelings. I've tried my hardest to be rotten but he sees through it, and I know he does.
"I like you," he states, simply. "I like you, and I like the way you talk and I like the way you smile. I like the way you're so passionate about dancing. I like you. And I know you like me to. You were going to kiss me."
I shake my head, and as soon as I say the words, I realize that I am lying: "No, I don't like you Ashton."
His face falls, and he sounds as though he is pleading with me, "You were jealous of my date. You were going to kiss me. You were smiling when I said I have a fascination with you! You like me, Camilla. You do."
"I don't know you, Ashton. How could I like you? I know that you play in a band, I know that you think I'm a good person. I don't know anything else. You just have a crush, you'll get over it."
But I silently wish that I am wrong.
When we get back to the bus, Ashton lays in one of the bunks, and Mikey yells that that is Arabelle's bunk. But Ashton doesn't care- he just pulls the curtain in front of his face and does not make a sound. I choose to sit at the table, and Luke sits next to me. "He likes you."
I put my head onto the table and lightly lift it up and place it back down again, loud enough to make it seem like I am banging my head off the table, but soft enough that it doesn't physically hurt me. "I know that!"
Luke places his hand beneath my forehead, and I leave my head to lay on it. "Do you like him?"
I begin to tell Luke my fears. I tell him how I am afraid of commitment, and that I'm so busy- too busy to maintain a relationship once this tour ends. And he listens, and I thank him for listening but beg him not to tell Ashton any of this. "I don't want him to have hope."
"But you do like him?"
I shake my head, and laugh sadly, "Yeah. Yeah, I like him."