Niall laughed and he was in good spirits. We sat in his sports car, on the way to the cottage and his friends would come. I tried to change and I tried to smile. I watched the countryside change outside the car and I saw how we passed small towns and villages. I saw people who lived normal lives, people who was struggling to put food on the table and I was a little jealous of them.
"We're here, Darling!"
The cottage? There was no cabin! It was a big house with everything a rich person needed. Perhaps some fewer bedrooms, against what Maura, Nialls mother, had in her house. Yet I didn't see the house as a holiday home. It was close to the sea and they had their own piece of the ocean as theirs. They had built a wall around the courtyard, which went down the beach and a good distance out in the water, just to show everyone else that they own that part. No one else was allowed to be on their beach and no one else was allowed to bathe in their water. Talk about Maura thought she own the air she breathed.
I changed into cooler clothes. I had the bikini under a summer dress and I went out on the large terrace. There was a large pool, hot tub and tennis court on the estate. The road down to the sea was decorated as if we were in ancient times, and I must admit it was beautiful, but still it was a yard to boast about in front of friends and family.
Eleanor came into the yard and she looked askance at me, as always. Louis showed up after her and he didn't say a word to me. Niall came out with a drinks and he was in good spirits.
"Talk about the wonderful weather?"
Eleanor giggled and she accepted the drink.
"Yeah, it was kind of you to invite us here?"
I sat down on a chair and I sighed. I always felt outside and I quickly picked up a book. I knew that no one would talk to me and I had nothing to do. I heard Liam and Sophia came out and they were just as boring as everyone else. Niall came over to me and kissed me lightly on the cheek.
"It's okay, sweetheart?"
I smiled and I nodded at him.
"I just have a headache!"
I always had headaches, I had it when he least expected it, but the truth was that I was lying. It was just an excuse not to talk to the others. Niall believed in me and he left me alone.
I was calm in the body when all disappeared down to the sea. I took off my dress, put away the book and I lay down to sunbathe. I loved the solitude at times and I felt I could be myself. "You are everything that I want!" Niall said many times to me, but he was so wrong. I wanted him to say, "You're not what I want, but I love you so much." He said more and more rarely that he loved me and our moments in bed became fewer. "I have too much to think about." he excused himself with and then he started to read some boring business magazine. I fell asleep before he had arrived to the half in the magazine.
I showered and I crawled into the big bed. I heard Niall laugh and he was talking with Louis outside our doorstep. Then he came into the room, undressed, showered, dried his bodies and crawled naked into bed. He always did that and I was still with my back against him. I heard how he put himself in order and I heard his breathing became heavier and heavier. I heard he went to sleep and me myself lay awake in bed. I just wanted to cry and I just wanted to scream. I heard that Louis and Eleanor giggling in their room. I heard their bed squeaked and I knew what they were doing. Niall didn't get excited by my body anymore and he seemed to lack the ability to want to have sex. I realized that I wouldn't ever have any children with him and I knew he wouldn't let me go, even if I wanted to leave him.
I woke up in the morning with kisses on my neck. He turned me so that I was lying on my back. He quickly pulled my panties off. I felt how he wanted it and I spread my legs. Niall took me quickly. He penetrated. He moved on the body for five minutes and then he came, but he chose not to come inside me. He kissed me tenderly and then he disappeared into the shower. I was like an empty shell. I felt myself drained of emotion and I realized that this was unsustainable.
He smiled and looked at me quickly. He was driving fast along the road, and he was in the same old happy mood.
"Do you love me?"
He balked. I was surprised when he stopped the car along the roadside and he just stared at me.
"Of course I love you?"
I swallowed and I avoided him.
"Seriously?" I whispered. "You show no love towards me and we barely have sex anymore. Once you have sex with me, it's over in five minutes without emotion."
He took my hand and he tried to get me to look at him. He seemed almost sad about my claim.
"I love you with all my heart, but I might not have the time anymore? I promise to do better."
I looked at him and I noticed that his eyes looked sad.
"So why don't we get married?"
"YOU know why? I want all to become accustomed to, the fact that we are separated from our former partners and I want my mom to know that I'll stay by your side."
"And why not just get married? A small wedding, I demand nothing, and you know I don't want your money. I just want you!"
Niall kissed me.
"Soon, darling, soon!"
He said that a long time ago, to me, when he said that his dad was against me. Then he said that soon we would be able to get engaged, but it didn't happen. Nothing happened until he realized he had lost me to Harry. Niall did nothing until he saw me with another man and I wondered if I needed a lover, just to get him to react.
"I want you and only you." he whispered hoarsely. "I know that I'm not like when we were young, but I may change that just for you."
He nodded and he kissed me again.
"I promise, I promise to be better at showing my feelings for you. Okay?"
I nodded and he started the car. I still felt empty, but a hope had turned up, and maybe he would really changing?