1. Pain & Pleasure
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the makeup running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about these stupid little things…
The lyrics wove through my by now damaged earcanals, from my headphones blasting 'Amnesia' for the last few hours. I just can't forget those stupid little things. The deepest, innermost places in my heart answering out to this song, hurting more and more by each stanza. My tearducts, by now raw and salty from all the crying. I finally find the strength to pick my self up off the carpet, where i have been lying since he left. Since his hand collided with my face. I look down onto the white carpet, where a red stain has formed, as the blood has drained from my lip. My lip is throbbing... and burgundy, I discover as i look in the mirror. The shame and anger come pouring in, swallowing me up like a spontaneous tsunami. I hate him for what he did to me, but at the same time I want to forget it and forgive him. I just can't stop feeling him inside me, pulsing in and out to the rythm of my heartbeat. The look in his eyes as he releases into me… It was just something i couldn't live without. It was just... With Luke you take the pleasure with the pain. It was while we had sex, he would ignore me, begging him to stop, I'll tell him that he's hurting me, but he doesn't stop. It's like he blocks it out, forcefully holding me down as he rams into me again and again, I'll be coming again and again and again, but he doesn't stop. He doesn't care if I just came 7 times, and it's getting painful. But when i pass the state where it's painful, it's just the most intense climax I've ever experiensed. But he doesn't stop there, it just gets more violent from there. He'll tie me up, spred my legs and tie them to the top of each bedpost, so that I'm looking at him while he does whatever he wants to me, lying there fully exposed, with my legs spread to the point it's painful.... all I can hear is him whispering; I told you so... You would be punished.... You sexy lady....
But this really isn't what I want.
Or is it...