32. Beaux Mont by Healv
Title: Beaux Mont
The use of grammar is good and there are a lot of semi colons which is always interesting! The description is beautiful and you can visualise the characters. The choice of adjectives is good.
Ellen- An old friend
Mum- Mei's Mum
Adam- Mei's brother
Miles Thompson- the boy in the Mei's bed
Why You Should Read It:
It is descriptive and the grammar is fantastic! The hints of romance seep through the slight mystery and the character's can easily be developed.
At the bottom of the chapters, I would remove the author's notes. To me they seem to break the vibe of the story and disrupts the plot.
When you describe the characters, as lovely as it is, try and work it in. Instead of spending an entire paragraph simply stating descriptive sentences, work it into the story. Try and add in colours whilst the plot progresses to really help the story move along.
Vary your sentences. They seem incredibly long, and although semi colons are good, try not to over-use them.
Link to the Movella: http://www.movellas.com/story/201411291415225956-beaux-mont
Link to the Author: http://www.movellas.com/user/irrevelancy