Like the waves of the sea (Sequel of my prince is in London English- Dutch book )

“You say it will be alright but look at us, tired of the things we used to want, we used to live for… “ I said, sighted, frustrated. He took me in his arms. "Shhh.... We have to fight, we have to live for them... " “You don’t know what I feel, I feel like an idiot who just gives up her ‘Belgian’ life for this paparazzi life and give it up for children when there is an end for them before yours” - Cover made by Megan_Aurea

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32. I hate the ache from heartbreak

Engels - English :

The girls were so happy with their little brother, just like my parents who were so happy to have Nathan as their grandson. Maura and Bobby were so relieved that the giving birth part went well and that they could welcom Nathan.

Everyone was happy with Nathan. Niall sometimes too happy. Overworried, always busy with him and sometimes I had to comfort Nina and Lilly because they thought Niall didn't love them. In August Niall had to go to England for some days to go to the studios and management. I was alone with the three kids then. Today they were at my parents. 

I invited Matt so I could talk to him. I talked in English, he wanted it too. ‘So why do you want to talk with me or get me back? I’m married and have children.’ I said. ‘I realized that I missed something in my life. I let you go to London and broke up with you, I was wrong… And so Niall could steal my place… This should be me, holding your hand, having kids with you….’ Matt sighted.

‘I’m with Niall and married with him so I won’t break up with him for you.’ I said serious. ‘I know.’ He looked to the ground. I heard the door... It couldn't be Niall? I suddenly felt Matts lips on mine, I tried to put them away ... But It was too late... Niall saw it and was mad. He went outside. I slapped Matt. ‘Sorry I had too… Jenny…’ He said and pointed to the window. 

 

 

Start the song ‘No good in goodbye’ –

‘What?! Is this a game of Jenny?’ I said furious, I sent Matt away and decided to cry. What did I have to do to get Niall back? I know we had cameras here and Niall had a special laptop for the cameras. I have to take them with me and search for Niall. I took the laptop and ran out of the house, with my coat and keys. I thought by myself, where could he be?

I ran to the park with the laptop. He had to be there. I saw him there, sitting close to the pond. Hands hid his face. I heard him crying. I walked carefully to the pond and sat next to him. ‘Niall…’ ‘Don’t talk to me…’ He said back. I felt tears coming up. ‘Niall please listen. Jenny did this. She paid Matt to kiss me when you are back. He said it on the camera. I don’t cheat because I love you a lot. I can’t live without you.’

He looked at me. ‘I listen to you but why should I believe you, you didn’t even avoid the kiss…’ He said disappointed. ‘I couldn’t if you kiss me and I don’t want, I can’t stop you because you have more strength than I…’ I said.

‘Lies!’ He said. ‘Niall this is love.’ I said and kissed him passionately. He wanted to avoid it but I know he didn't want it. He even loved me too much for it.  ‘I only love you and Nathan, Lilly and Nina. You’re my life.  I never had the best life, until I met you. You gave me luck, life, family, friendship…’ I looked deeply in his eyes.

‘Before you , I had Matt, he didn’t even trust me, when I went to London he thought I should cheat on him but I never do that, just like I never cheat on you…  Now he played like he wanted me back but I wanna confront him that I have you and kids and that I never want to have someone else than you.’ I said and laid my hand on his cheek. 

He looked to the ground. ‘I have to think about it. I can’t just come back now and do like it was like before…’ He sighted. I laid the laptop in his hands. ‘Please look at it and you know the truth.’ I said. I gave him a hug and a kiss on his forehead. I went to my parents to pick up the kids, so I wasn't alone at all. .

‘Are you sure? Honey, you're upset.’ My mom asked when she knew everything and that she knew I wanted to pick up the kids. 'Yes mom, everything is better than sitting alone now and thinking about it...' 'Are you sure that someone doesn't have to come with you?' she said worried. I shook my head. I went upstairs, and took Nina first and put her in the car and then Lilly. As last I took Nathan. He looks so much like Niall.  

I was driving when Nina woke up. 'Where's daddy?' 'Daddy had to work more than planned and will  be back next week?' I lied. 'But... daddy sent that came home today and surprise you and then pick us up.' She said disappointed. Niall had called them....

‘Daddy's busy with One Direction... it's maybe his last year with One Direction....' I sighted. 'But mommy! He promised us that he came home today!' Tears streamed over Ninas cheeks and I couldn't hold mine too. 'Go to sleep home, we're almost home.' I said. 

I took the kids inside one by one and put them in their beds. Then I went to bed too but sleeping wasn't easy. I looked at my phone, no message of missed calls from him... I looked at my background. Niall with his three kids when Nathan was born.

I cried me asleep. This week was hard... Every time when I looked at my phone, everyone called except Niall... Nina and Lilly asked me about their dad. I hope that he will be back soon without starting like the beginning like building up trust... 

I don't wanna lose him.. I wanted him with me... In my arms as support, as man, as everything in my life...  

______________________

 

Nederlands - Dutch:

De meisjes waren zo blij met hun kleine broertje, net als mijn ouders blij waren met Nathan als hun kleinzoon. Maura en Bobby waren zo opgelucht dat de bevalling goed ging en dat ze Nathan mochten verwelkomen.

Iedereen was blij met Nathan. Niall soms iets te blij. Overbezorgd, altijd met hem bezig zijn en soms moest ik zelfs Nina en Lilly troosten omdat ze dachten dat Niall niet meer van hun hield. In Augustus moest Niall voor enkele dagen naar Engeland voor de studios en management. Ik zat alleen met onze 3 kinderen. Vandaag waren ze bij mijn ouders.

Ik had Matt uitgenodigd zodat ik met hem kon praten. Ik praatte maar in het Engels, hij wou dit ook. ‘So why do you want to talk with me or get me back? I’m married and have children.’ Zei ik. ‘I realized that I missed something in my life. I let you go to London and broke up with you, I was wrong… And so Niall could steal my place… This should be me, holding your hand, having kids with you….’ Matt zuchte.

‘I’m with Niall and married with him so I won’t break up with him for you.’ Zei ik serieus. ‘I know.’ Hij keek naar de grond. Ik hoorde de deur… Dit kon Niall niet zijn? Ik voelde opeens Matts lippen op de mijne, ik probeerde hem van de me weg te duwen..  Maar het was te laat… Niall zag het en was boos. Hij liep naar buiten. Ik mepte Matt. ‘Sorry I had too… Jenny…’ zei hij en wees naar het raam.

 

Start van het liedje ‘No good in goodbye’ –

‘What?! Is this a game of Jenny?’ zei ik woedend, ik stuurde Matt weg en besloot om te huilen. Wat moest ik doen om Niall terug te krijgen? Ik wist dat we cameras hadden en Niall had een speciale laptop voor de beelden. Ik moest deze meenemen en Niall gaan zoeken. Ik pakte de laptop en rende het huis uit, met me jas aan en sleutels. Ik dacht na, waar kon hij zijn?

Ik rende met de laptop naar het park. Daar moest hij wel zijn. Ik zag hem daar zitten aan de vijver. Handen verborgen zijn gezicht. Ik hoorde hem huilen. Ik stapte voorzichtig naar de vijver en ging naast hem zitten. ‘Niall…’ ‘Don’t talk to me…’ zei hij terug. Ik voelde tranen opkomen. ‘Niall please listen. Jenny did this. She paid Matt to kiss me when you are back. He said it on the camera. I don’t cheat because I love you a lot. I can’t live without you.’

Hij keek me aan. ‘I listen to you but why should I believe you, you didn’t even avoid the kiss…’ zei hij teleurgesteld. ‘I couldn’t if you kiss me and I don’t want, I can’t stop you because you have more strength than I…’ zei ik.

‘Lies!’ zei hij. ‘Niall this is love.’ Zei ik en kuste hem passioneel. Hij wou ontwijken maar ik wist dat hij dat niet wou. Hij hield nog teveel van mij. ‘I only love you and Nathan, Lilly and Nina. You’re my life.  I never had the best life, until I met you. You gave me luck, life, family, friendship…’ Ik keek diep in zijn ogen.

‘Before you , I had Matt, he didn’t even trust me, when I went to London he thought I should cheat on him but I never do that, just like I never cheat on you…  Now he played like he wanted me back but I wanna confront him that I have you and kids and that I never want to have someone else than you.’ Zei ik en legde mijn hand op zijn wang.

Hij keek naar beneden. ‘I have to think about it. I can’t just come back now and do like it was like before…’ Zuchte hij. Ik legde de laptop in zijn handen. ‘Please look at it and you know the truth.’ Zei ik. Ik gaf hem een knuffel en kus op zijn voorhoofd. Ik ging naar mijn ouders en ging de kinderen halen, zo was ik niet alleen.

‘Ben je zeker? Liefje, je bent overstuur.’ Vroeg mijn ma toen ze alles wist en dat ze wist dat ik mijn drie kids kwam halen. ‘Ja mam, alles is beter dan alleen zitten en piekeren…’ ‘Ben je zeker dat niet iemand mee moet?’ vroeg ze bezorgd. Ik schudde mijn hoofd. Ik ging naar boven, en pakte Nina eerst op en zette ze in de wagen en daarna Lilly. Als laatste pakte in Nathan. Hij leek zo op Niall.

Ik was aan het rijden wanneer Nina wakker werd. ‘Waar is papa?’ ‘Papa moest overwerken die kwam pas volgende week terug?’ loog ik. ‘Maar… papa stuurde dat hij vandaag naar huis kwam en jou ging verrassen en dan ons kwam halen.’ Zei ze teleurgesteld. Niall had hun gebeld…

‘Papa heeft het druk met One Direction… Het is misschien zijn laatste jaar met One Direction…’ zuchte ik. ‘Maar mama! Hij beloofde ons dat hij vandaag naar huis kwam!’ Er stroomden tranen over Ninas wangen en ik kon ook niet lang volhouden. ‘Ga maar slapen liefje, we zijn bijna thuis.’ Zei ik.

Ik pakte de drie kinderen een voor een op en stopte ze in bed. Daarna ging ik ook maar naar bed, maar slapen lukte maar niet. Ik keek op mijn telefoon geen enkel bericht of telefoontje van hem… Ik keek op mijn achtergrond. Niall met zijn drie kinderen wanneer Nathan geboren werd.

Ik huilde me in slaap. Deze week was zwaar… Elke keer als ik op mijn telefoon zag, iedereen belde maar geen Niall… Nina en Lilly begonnen vragen te stellen over hun papa. Ik hoopte dat hij snel terug kwam zonder dat we opnieuw vertrouwen moesten opbouwen…

Ik wou hem niet kwijt… Ik wil hem bij me… In mijn armen, als steun, als man, als alles in mijn leven… 

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