Like the waves of the sea (Sequel of my prince is in London English- Dutch book )

“You say it will be alright but look at us, tired of the things we used to want, we used to live for… “ I said, sighted, frustrated. He took me in his arms. "Shhh.... We have to fight, we have to live for them... " “You don’t know what I feel, I feel like an idiot who just gives up her ‘Belgian’ life for this paparazzi life and give it up for children when there is an end for them before yours” - Cover made by Megan_Aurea

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4. He wants me back...

English - Engels :

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia... I wanted that too... I felt like a zombie. I've barely slept and Nina was tumultuous. In the middle of the night I decided to lay her next to me in my bed because she cried a lot and because I missed someone next to me. I think that Nina felt that she never would see Niall, or that her mommy wasn't happy with what happened. 

I felt tears coming up when I heard sound next to the house. It came from 'my house with Nina'. I heard him singing songs and almost crying. Like ‘half a heart’, ‘Right now’, ‘Strong’, ‘When I was your man’, … I felt guilty that I left him. 

I walked with Nina to the bathroom and switched her diaper. I put her some beautiful clothes on.Megan and Harry were already awake too.'I think I’m gonna go to the house to pick up some stuff again. I’ll do it when he’s away.’ I said.‘You sure?’  Harry asked. I nodded. I had to. ‘Megan, do you want to take care of Nina then?’ I asked and I knew I would get a yes. 

I looked for a while trough the window of my room in the house of Harry. I had sight of my own old house. I saw Jenny going to the house. The betrayer, squeaker! I heard yelling from the house. I heard a lot. After half an hour, she went out of the house, happy. I felt sick. Had they now something? After a time, doing things with Megan, Harry or Nina, I looked outside and saw that Nialls car was away. This was my chance to get the last stuff of me. 

I decided to get the keys of the house and go to it. I was just busy with packing in when I felt two hands on my hips. ‘What do you think you’re doing here?’ Niall asked ‘You are away? Your car was away? And I was packing my last things. You don’t think I’m gonna stay here! ‘ I yelled. He took me in his arms and pushed me against the wall. He wanted to kiss me. I avoided. ‘You don’t think I’m gonna kiss you. I’m away with my stuff.’ I said and tried to get of out of his grip and started again with packing. 

Before I could take my luggage, he held me again. He made his grip so, impossible that I could avoid or escape.  ‘I love you Eline. With whole my heart.’ He said, a tear came over his cheek. ‘Oh yeah, that’s why you went to bed with a nurse called Jenny?’ I said sarcastic. ‘You don’t understand… She gave me something that had influence of me… ‘ I cut him off. ‘You’re lying Horan! Having sex isn’t something you do as one! And you’re not going to say that she raped you!’ I almost began with spitting on his face. ‘Give me one chance again. Let me see Nina again. I love you both.’ He said. He tried to kiss me. I wanted to avoid it, but I could. 

‘Let us be Niall & Eline, like before?’ He asked like he could forget everything. He started to sing softly 'Hero'. ‘Never! I don’t want to have the feeling like you gave me now... I feel know that I did nothing for you. That you didn’t love me. You just love me for Nina. For nothing else.’ I said hard and I felt a tear over my cheek. ‘That’s not true. I love you Eline. I love you!’ He said. ‘How are you going to prove that if I’m in my mind with : Yeah, checkup for Nina, Jenny’s there, Niall and Jenny who went to bed… ‘ I said with tears in my eyes. ‘Can we be friends then? And maybe build it up to fiancée again after a long time?’ He proposed.

‘I don’t know, and I even don’t know if I’m ready to give my daughter to you… I don’t even know if I’m gonna stay here… Maybe if my parents are here by car. I would follow them back with Nina to Belgium.’ I said softly. ‘No, don’t. Don’t take me away from you and our daughter.’ He said with tears in his eyes. ‘I can’t stay here Niall. I don’t belong here anymore… I can’t be here to see memories of us…’ I said and bursted out in tears and sat on the ground. 

I felt his two arms around me. He sat next to me. He laid my head on his shoulder. ‘Where were the times we were so happy? Like the birth of Nina...’ He said softly. ‘I don’t know…’ I still cried, but harder. I thought of it.  ‘I want them back...’ I cried. ‘Me too.’ ‘you didn’t even realize what I gave up for you. You don’t know what I feel, I feel like an idiot who just gives up her ‘Belgian’ life for this paparazzi life and miserable life now because you cheated on me!’ I cried. He took me tightly in his arms. I slapped with fists on his chest of sorrow. 

‘Sshhh...’ He calmed me down and sang softly 'Diana'. I loved that song. ‘Can I see you tomorrow with Nina? I want to see Nina?’ He asked. ‘I’ll try to put away my feelings, just for her. She has the rights to see her father.’ I said and swallowed away the 'lump' in my throat. 

I stood up and took my luggage. I left the room. He didn't got me in a grip. I was revielve. Not because he let me go, but it was because he knew now what I felt. I told everything to Harry. I shocked that he wasn't mad. He agreed wit hit. Nina had to know her dad. And who knows if it will be good again between me and Niall. I still love him... but forgive him... it would be difficult, but I do everything for Nina.

Nina slept beautiful for this night. I hoped it came because Niall and I made things clear to let her see to him. That he could be father too. That he could take care of her too, that he could see her growing up even when we aren't together. 

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Nederlands - Dutch: 

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia... Dat wou ik ook… Ik voelde me een zombie. Ik heb amper geslapen en Nina was onrustig. In het midden van de nacht besloot ik haar naast mij in bed te leggen omdat ze heel veel huilde en omdat ik iemand naast me miste. Ik denk dat Nina voelde dat ze misschien nooit Niall zou zien, of dat haar mama niet gelukkig was met wat er gebeurde.

Ik voelde de tranen opkomen toen ik geluid naast het huis hoorde. Het kwam van ‘mijn huis met Niall.’ Ik hoorde hem liedjes zingen en bijna huilen. Zoals ‘half a heart’, ‘Right now’, ‘Strong’, ‘When I was your man’, … Ik voelde me schuldig dat ik hem verliet.

Ik wandelde met Nina naar de badkamer en verving haar luier snel. Ik deed haar mooie kleren aan. Megan en Harry waren ook al wakker. ‘I think I’m gonna go to the house to pick up some stuff again. I’ll do it when he’s away.’ Zei ik. ‘You sure?’ vroeg Harry. Ik knikte. Ik moest. ‘Megan, do you want to take care of Nina then?’ vroeg ik en ik wist snel dat ik een ja terug zou krijgen.

Ik keek even door de raam van mijn kamer in het huis van Harry. Ik had zicht op mijn eigen oude huis. Ik zag Jenny naar het huis gaan. Die verrader! Ik hoorde geschreeuw van het huis. Ik hoorde vanalles. Na een halfuur ging ze, blij uit het huis. Ik voelde me ziek. Hadden ze nu? Na een tijdje dingen te doen met Megan, Harry of Nina keek ik naar buiten, Nialls auto was weg. Dit was de kans om mijn laatste spullen te gaan halen.

Ik besloot om mijn sleutels van het huis te pakken en naar daar te gaan. Ik was nog maar net bezig met inpakken en ik voelde twee handen om mijn heup. ‘What do you think you’re doing here?’ vroeg Niall. ‘You are away? Your car was away? And I was packing my last things. You don’t think I’m gonna stay here! ‘ schreeuwde ik. Hij pakte me vast en zette me tegen de muur. Hij wou me kussen. Ik ontweek. ‘You don’t think I’m gonna kiss you. I’m away with my stuff.’ Zei ik en probeerde uit zijn greep te komen en pakte terug in.

Voor ik mijn koffer kon pakken, hield hij me terug vast. Hij maakte de greep zo, onmogelijk dat ik kon ontwijken of ontsnappen. ‘I love you Eline. With whole my heart.’ Zei hij, een traan kwam langs zijn wang. ‘Oh yeah, that’s why you went to bed with a nurse called Jenny?’ zei ik sarcastisch. ‘You don’t understand… She gave me something that had influence of me… ‘ Ik brak hem af. ‘You’re lying Horan! Having sex isn’t something you do as one! And you’re not going to say that she raped you!’ Ik begon bijna in zijn gezicht te spuwen. ‘Give me one chance again. Let me see Nina again. I love you both.’ Zei hij. Hij probeerde me te kussen. Ik wou ontwijken maar het lukte niet.

‘Let us be Niall & Eline, like before?’ vroeg hij alsof hij alles kon vergeten. Hij begon zachtjes ‘Hero ‘ te zingen. ‘Never! I don’t want to have the feeling like you gave me now... I feel know that I did nothing for you. That you didn’t love me. You just love me for Nina. For nothing else.’ Zei ik hard en voelde een traan over mijn wang. ‘That’s not true. I love you Eline. I love you!’ zei hij. ‘How are you going to prove that if I’m in my mind with : Yeah, checkup for Nina, Jenny’s there, Niall and Jenny who went to bed… ‘ zei ik met tranen in mijn ogen. ‘Can we be friends then? And maybe build it up to fiancée again after a long time?’ stelde hij voor.

‘I don’t know, and I even don’t know if I’m ready to give my daughter to you… I don’t even know if I’m gonna stay here… Maybe if my parents are here by car. I would follow them back with Nina to Belgium.’ Zei ik zacht. ‘No, don’t. Don’t take me away from you and our daughter.’ Zei hij met tranen in zijn ogen. ‘I can’t stay here Niall. I don’t belong here anymore… I can’t be here to see memories of us…’ zei ik en barste uit in huilen en ging zitten op de grond.

Ik voelde zijn twee armen om me heen. Hij ging naast me zitten. Hij legde mijn hoofd op zijn schouder. ‘Where were the times we were so happy? Like the birth of Nina...’ zei hij zacht. ‘I don’t know…’ huilde ik nog harder. Ik dacht eraan. ‘I want them back...’ huilde ik. ‘Me too.’ ‘you didn’t even realize what I gave up for you. You don’t know what I feel, I feel like an idiot who just gives up her ‘Belgian’ life for this paparazzi life and miserable life now because you cheated on me!’ huilde ik. Hij pakte me stevig vast. Ik mepte met mijn vuisten op zijn borst van verdriet.

‘Sshhh...’ kalmeerde hij me en zong ‘Diana’ zachtjes. Ik hield van dat lied. ‘Can I see you tomorrow with Nina? I want to see Nina?’ vroeg hij. ‘I’ll try to put away my feelings, just for her. She has the rights to see her father.’ Zei ik en slikte de krop in mijn keel weg.

Ik stond op en pakte mijn koffer. Ik verliet de kamer. Hij hield me niet meer tegen. Ik was opgelucht. Niet omdat hij me losliet, omdat hij nu weet wat ik voelde. Ik vertelde alles aan Harry. Ik schrok dat hij niet boos was. Hij ging er ook mee akkoord. Nina moest haar vader kennen. En wie weet ging het ooit nog goed komen tussen mij en Niall. Ik hou nog van hem... Maar vergeven... het zal moeilijk zijn, maar ik doe alles voor Nina.

Nina sliep mooi door deze nacht. Ik hoop dat dat kwam omdat Niall en ik afspraken om haar te laten zien. Dat hij ook vader kon zijn. Dat hij ook voor Nina kon zorgen en dat hij haar misschien nog zou zien opgroeien ook al zijn we niet meer samen. 

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