When awoke, Luke was already awake and was looking at me with this look in his eyes. Lust? Love? Fear, maybe?
I'm not really sure what it was, but it worried me. "Luke?" I whispered.
When I didn't get a reply, I began to panic. I hadn't seen him breathe, or blink. OH MY GOD HE'S DEAD!!
"Luke!" I exclaimed, shaking his shoulders. He gasped and his eyes widened.
"What?" He asked in monotone.
"I thought you were dead!" I yelled.
"WHO'S DEAD?" Calum shouted, running in with a long curly wig on his head. He also had Luke's tutu around his waist.
I rolled my eyes. "I thought Luke was. Okay?" I said, shaking my head.
"Oh, okay." Calum smirked, wriggling his eyebrows. "I see why." He had the biggest grin on his face I'd ever seen.
"SHUT UP AND GET OUT!" I yelled, throwing a pillow at him. It hit him in the face, knocking his wig off. He glared at me before grabbing it and storming out.
I sighed loudly and put my face in Luke's chest. He cuddled me tightly, giving me warmth and hope.
"I'm dirty." I suddenly slipped out. "I-I mean... Urgh. I need a shower, but that's not what I meant to say!" I blushed.
Luke's face became hot and a light shade of pink danced across his light skin, making him look cute. A small smile spread across his face. "That was totally not awkward." He said sarcastically, a smirk on his plump lips. I still want to kiss them.
"Shut it." I laughed. I wrapped my arms around him tighter, taking in his hella sweet scent.
He smelt like... like... mint chocolate, or sometimes vanilla.
"Ashton?" Luke voice was small and nervous.
"Yeah?" I replied with curiosity.
"Do you really like me? Like, not because you feel bad for me?"
"Of course, I love you for you. You're perfect." I mentally slapped myself when I realized what I had just said to him. I told him I love him and that I think he's perfect.
"And every time I listen to Iris by, Goo Goo Dolls, I think of you. Because you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be." I rambled on. Luke's face became red and hot.
I was biting my tongue, dying to tell Ashton that I love him, but I couldn't. It was different when I told him before.
I bit my cheek as he said that Iris reminded him of me.
'You bleed just to know you're alive.'
Kept playing in my head. It made me extremely tempted to tell Ashton about me cutting. The boys don't think I'm depressed because I don't cut my wrists. I'm not that stupid. I cut my thighs, and I have been since I was thirteen.
Almost every night, I cry myself to sleep. Calum heard me once. I made up a lame excuse as to why I was crying. I said I poked my eye really bad and it was stinging.
Yeah, I told you that it was lame.
I've been cutting with almost every chance I get. When I'm home alone and it's just me and my thoughts, they get the best of me, but when Ashton's around, I can control them.
"Luke?" Ashton whispered with worry.
"Do you hate me for what I said?" he asked.
What did he say?
"I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. I had zoned out after the 'Goo Goo Dolls' thing." I said sheepishly. My face became hot and I knew I was blushing of embarrassment.
"That's all I said. It's just that-" He stopped in mid sentence.
"Ashton?" I asked. He shook his head. It was quiet for a few seconds and then he bolted out of the room. I was left behind, utterly confused.
(I'm sorry for the POV the switching)
I felt overwhelmed in the room. I'm not sure why, but I did. I ran out and into the bathroom, quickly locking it behind me.
I fell to my knees and pushed my finger to the back of my throat. I gagged and felt the vomit rising. I pulled my finger out of my mouth and gripped the toilet. I felt the contents of my stomach leave me. It was a horrible feeling.
I did the same thing a few more times, Luke was banging on the door asking if I were okay. I just ignored him as I rinsed my mouth out and brushed my teeth.
I sat back down on the floor and brought my knees to my chest and crossed my arms over them, beginning to sob into them.
My wrists were itching, dying for relief, but I couldn't with Luke banging at the door. He'll smell the blood, know something's off. He'll make me go to a specialist. That's the last thing I want to do.
I couldn't handle any of this right now, so I fell asleep.