Trigger warning! I love you guys, don't read this if it'll make you relapse.
Calum and I made our way downstairs. Luke and Michael couldn't even look us in the eyes without getting red in the face.
"Did you have fun?" Michael asked.
Calum and I shared a glance. "Hell yeah!" We exclaimed. Luke got up and stormed out the door.
I looked to Calum, who knew what I was thinking.
I got off the couch and followed Luke out the door. He turned and glared at me.
"What's your problem?" I asked.
"You!" He yelled.
"I haven't even done anything to you!" I yelled back.
"You're too stupid to realise what you've done." He said. My heart sunk and I saw the look of regret on his face.
"Ashton, I didn't mean-"
"Save it." I sighed. I shook my head and walked back towards the house.
"Ashton!" He called out hopelessly. I simply ignored him as the tears went down my face. I ran into the house, slamming the door shut behind me.
"Ashton?" Calum called out.
I ran up the stairs with him hot on my trail. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door in Calum's face, locking it.
I stared in the mirror. Fat, ugly, useless, stupid. That's all I saw.
"Ashton." Calum beat on the door.
I shook my head, muttering "Go away." I grabbed my razor and pressed it to my wrist, quickly dragging it across.
The moment I saw the blood, I was relived.
The voices in my head encouraged me to do it again. And I did.
I slipped it across my skin again, and again, and again, until my arm was covered in blood. I closed my eyes as the tears freely fell from them. I sighed and rinsed the blood from my arms.
I slowly wrapped my arms and tugged my sleeves down. I walked out of the bathroom and into my room to find Luke sitting on my bed crying.
Why is he in my room though?
He looked up and rushed over to me. He pulled me into a tight hug, causing my arms to feel numb. I pushed him away and as I was pulling my hands back, he grabbed my left hand and pulled my sleeve up. I jerked my hand back, fresh tears running down my cheeks.
"Ashton I'm sorry!" Luke cried.
"No, you're not. Just get out." I sighed.
"I said get out!" I screamed in rage. Luke jumped and cringed in fright. He looked like a scared puppy that looked like it was about to get beaten. I can't look at him when he's like that.
"I'm sorry." He muttered as he walked out.
No you're not. Just stop lying, I though.
Dead. That's all I feel is dead. Empty. Nothing.
I relapsed, after one week clean, and now Luke hates me. Addy never came though. We had a scream argument.
That was the result of me and Calum having a little fun. (No pun intended)
I can hear Luke sobbing from his room and Michael trying to comfort him, and Calum is snuggled up next to me, trying to convince me that every thing will be okay. But I won't... I think.
Anyway, I thought I'd let you know, Journal.