Yes, stupid, it's Ashton. Hehe, I'm sorry that I called you stupid. I'm upset today, okay. I purged this morning. I don't remember why, but it felt nice, better than, you know, slicing.
I look in the mirror everyday and all I see is fat and ugly and a big wad of stupid.
I just can't see why I hate myself as much as I do. I have a great life that some people would die to have, but I'm just so sad.
I'm just gonna go, okay.
Luke has been worried about me non-stop since this morning. He's been following me around all day. He will barely even leave me alone for two seconds to take a piss! It's annoying, but I guess it's just because he cares.
"Ashton? Are you okay? You've been staring at the wall for a good five minutes without blinking." Luke said quietly. I shifted on the couch slightly.
I shook my head, clearing my thoughts away. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" Luke whispered in my ear. Chills went down my back. I glared at him, just because if the effect that he has on me.
"I'm positive." I replied.
"Listen, I'm only watching over you because..." Luke paused. I turned around and looked at him. "Because I love you." He whispered.
I couldn't help but hug him and kiss his cheek. "I love you too." I whispered.
Luke smiled and leaned in towards me. His eyes shifted from my eyes to lips, then back to my eyes, asking for permission. I glanced at his lips and leaned forward. His lips grazed mine before he looked me in the eyes. His eyes closed and mine did too.
We both leaned in more and our lips made full contact. Our lips moved in perfect sync. They fit together like a puzzle, and for a moment, I felt all of my problems slip away. I realized how much I love Luke. I realized that he's what makes me happy.
I parted my mouth and Luke's tongue slipped in. It was slowly becoming more and more heated. I wasn't going to go all the way with Luke yet. The thought of going all the way with Luke drove me nuts, but I couldn't yet. I feel like I'd be taking advantage of him.
Luke slowly tore away from me. His gasps for breath were heavy and so were mine. This only made me want to do it with him even more. There was sweat along his hairline and he was still trying to catch his breath.
I had to find restraint. I couldn't kiss him again because I knew I wouldn't be able to stop there. He was now my drug. My addiction. Once you start, you can't stop.