"P-Please Cas, h-help," The eldest Winchester pleaded, his breaths came out unsteadily. His arms wrapped around a broken body that used to be his little brother, Dean's emerald eyes glistened with tears, "C-Cas!! Get your ass down here!!" He lifted his head towards the stormy looking sky. There was no sight of the angel. His heart stopped, "Sam...S-Sammy..?" He shook his little brother softly; trying to get a response. Sam's head rolled back, revealing a long stream of blood gushing from the back of his neck. A long shard of cement stuck out of his knee, forehead split open from hitting his face off the gravel like ground.
"D-D-Dean......" Sam gasps, his hands reached out towards his brother, "....Dean....I-I'm s-sorry..." Dean shook his head, making an attempt to swallow the lump in his throat. It only grew. He placed a hand on his brother's cheek, tears rolling down his face.
"S-S-Sammy...." Dean croaked, his voice cracked horribly. He felt a hand intwine with his own; Sam smiled faintly through the pain he had been feeling.
I couldn't help but smile that this would soon all be over, all the pain, all the loss, everything. It would be gone, my mouth had a foul taste of blood and mud. I probably already knew my lips were split from the fall, from what Dean had told me my legs were screwed.
That was all I could feel. Nothing else. Not saddness, not regret. Only pain. My whole body ached and cried out-why couldn't I just give up already? Dean's pained expression grew timid, the sky faded, everything grew dark.
"Sammy? Sammy!!" Dean yelled, through his heart twisting sobs. It was too late. I was already gone.
It was all over.
Please Cas, I pleaded, my heart stammered to take another beat. Sam's eyes drifted shut, a small stream of blood trickling down his cheek. "D-Damn it, Cas..." I stuttered, not being able to hold it back anymore I cried. Tears coming out in streams. I rested my head on Sam's bloodied up-and bruised-arm. His mouth hung open; eyes were shut as if he were sleeping peacefully. He wasn't. My conscious knew that-which only made it worse. My little brother was dying in my arms. Or was already dead. "S-S-Somebody help d-damn it!!" I screamed, throwing my head up to the sky.
Hope was all I had, people always rely on hope. Thinking it'll get you through anything. Or everything. What happens if there's no hope? My heart stopped, Sam's dark eyes rolled to the back of his head. Long strands of brown hair falling in his face. I brushed it behind his ear, eyes burning like an inferno. Cas you asshole, where the hell are you? I wrapped my arms around his body, pulling his lifeless form into a tight hug.
"D-Don't you give u-up on me, we'll get you o-out of this. Y-You h-hear me, Sam? Y-You're my p-pain in t-the ass l-little brother; I-I'm supposed t-to look a-after you." It took every inch of courage to say that, knowing my little brother just died in my arms. I was supposed to look after him.
'Watch out for your little brother, Dean.' John had always said, 'Don't let him get hurt.'
How was I supposed to know Sam was hurting himself? Hell I already knew I was hurting. Beyond hurt actually. My hand squeezed Sam's-a lonely tear ran down his face.
'Dean, you listening to me, if that thing gets in here shoot it,' John explained, handing me a .45 filled with rock salt. I nodded, gripping the weapon tightly like our lives depended on it. Which of course it did.
I was too scared to take a shot at the spirit, which was irrelevant since it was about to attack Sam . Luckily, John came rushing through the motel doors and shot the son of a bitch.
I was so stupid.
So blind to see that Sam couldn't take anymore.
"If anyone I-is out there, p-please help. T-This I-Is Dean W-Winchester." I prayed aloud, lowering my head. Waves sloshed up onto the gravel. Water droplets fused into the river-it was raining. My hair began flattening down as the rain picked up, the river began to move faster and faster. Branches swayed in the wind like a exotic dancer. If anyone heard me I hope they'll be here soon. Sam's hair flew in the wind, his shirt lifted showing a little of his stomach. I pushed it down, wiping a tear off my cheek, then sat down on a bolder.
•••An Hour Later•••
My eyes burned horribly from crying; I hid my face in my hands, trying to remember the good times. Before all of this happened-everything with yellow eyes, Meg and going to hell. I couldn't-no matter how hard I tried.
"Dean," A slight flutter of wings, and footsteps caught my attention. But I didn't look up, I kept my eyes fixed on Sam. My heartbeat thumped in my ears, like a time bomb. Except it wouldn't explode it would stop. Then poof, you'd be gone. "Dean I'm sorry." Cas spoke up, his voice monotone, it made me wonder why couldn't angels have the same feelings as demons. Demons could have emotions. Angels were portrayed as soldiers and couldn't show one bit of what they were feeling.
Gabriel could show what he was feeling, sometimes I swore Cas did too. I snagged the angel's trench coat, shaking him fiercely. "Where the hell were you an hour ago?" I growled through the tears, my voice was still cracking horribly. His blue crystals lit up with sadness, almost puppy like, he grabbed my hand and lowered it. "Cas," The angel lowered his head, "I'm talking to you. Where the hell were you?"
"I was trying to stop the fall, okay?!" Cas yelled, "Dean you don't understand how hard it is to be cast out of your family! I was trying to stop from falling.....trying to..." I grew silent staring at the angel. Of course he had his own problems, why couldn't I remember this? I stepped forward grabbing his trench coat. His oceanic eyes collided with my emerald ones.
"Sammy's gone...." I told him, tears streaming down my cheeks. His eyes flickered across Sam's lifeless body, then back to me. Unexpectedly, Cas pulled me into a hug. I tightly wrapped my arms around him-crying. "I-I-I was too late, h-h-he j-jumped...."
"It's not your fault Dean." Cas assured, patting his friend's back.
"I brought him into this, if I hadn't he would still b-be....-" Cas shook his head, shushing the Winchester, his eyes gazed across Dean then back to Sam. "A-Alive...." Cas frowned.
"Dean," He pushed the male away from him, I looked up at the angel, wiping my face on my jacket, "I-I..." He shook his head looking down. I raised an eyebrow. "Let's get back to the motel..."
I ran my hands through my soak and wet hair, letting the water flow down my face, and chest area. Listening to it hit the shower floor. Sam's gone, I repeated over and over. Still my mind wouldn't believe it, Sam isn't gone. At least not for good, is he? I stopped, resting my head against the plain white tiled shower wall, right? He's not gone forever. I shook my head, no he'd come back. It's Sam we're talking about. "Dean!" I jumped, my feet slipped our from under me and I landed painfully on my tailbone. "Dean...?" Cas stopped knocking upon hearing me fall, instead he pushed the bathroom door open.
"D-Damn it, C-Cas...." I gasped, sitting up, water running down my face. The angel stopped, blinking confused, he pushed the shower curtain back. "Cas, you don't just walk in on someone taking a shower!"
"B-But I heard you fall..." Cas backed away, snatching a towel off the rack, his face bright red. He extended his hand handing me the plush soft object. I took it, after turning the water off, and wrapped it around my waist. "S-Sorry, Dean." He backed farther up, retreating outside the bathroom. I grunted stepping out in front of the mirror, shutting the door slowly. Resting against the counter, I cursed. A bruise had already begun to form on my tail bone, and for some reason my elbow. All from falling in the shower.
I sighed, finally urging myself to grab my clothes. "Cas," I poked my head outside, "can you hand me my clothes on the bed?" A couple seconds later a trench coated angel came walking over to the bathroom holding a stack of clothing. I smiled taking them from him, "Thanks." He nodded silently like he wasn't telling me something.
Silently I slipped my clothing on, wincing at my bruising tail bone. I walked out to check on Cas, well I mean of course myself also. Someone isn't simply okay after their bother just committed suicide. The trench coated angel sat on the edge of the motel bed, watching tv, something about cats. His blue eyes flickered off the screen to me, uneasily staring over me like a wolf eyeing its prey. "Umm Cas is there any way to bring Sammy back?" I asked, patiently awaiting his reply. He shifted on the bed.
"To be honest Dean I don't know...." Cas replied, voice trailing off like an upset child or a shy one. I looked down, pain struck my heart. Maybe Sam was really gone. Forever. The angel frowned, "We can still try." He faintly smiled. I nodded falling back onto my bed.
It was funny how we acted like nothing even happened in the bathroom. Like the way Cas was blushing uncontrollably like a teenage girl seeing their favorite celebrity, how he was inching towards the door hoping for his escape. He was hiding something from me.
"Cas," I called as I rolled onto my side. The angel grunted in reply. "I know you tried, you really did. Don't blame yourself you couldn't make it in time." He didn't move, just say there staring at the motel flooring. Which happened to be an ugly dark red color. "Don't blame yourself, got that? This is my fault."
And my fault only, I thought, as the pain grew more and more.
'Cas, don't do that,' Gabriel snapped at his younger brother, he slapped his hand away from his treats. The younger angel frowned, pulling his hand away and back into his chest. Gabriel sighed, 'Fine, one piece that's it. Nothing else.' The Arch-Angel handed the lower angel a piece of candy-a sucker. Cas smiled, running off as fast as his tiny legs could carry him.
I laid there listening to the eldest Winchester sleep. His chest weaving up and down, it seemed like forever until he finally fell asleep. My eyes locked on his body, making sure nothing came in, in the middle of the night. I frowned, it was my fault.
'Don't you dare blame yourself, Cas. This one's on me.' Dean growled, pointing at me, 'Don't blame yourself, remember that.'
Dean stretched his arms way above his head, his soft expression turned sour. I swallowed the lump in my throat, he began mumbling. "P-P-Please.....don't l-leave....." His fingers twitched, "S-S-S-" I knew what was coming next. "S-S-Sammy...." Even in his sleep Dean began to cry, he snagged a pillow clenching it to his chest for comfort. But there was none. I stood up, standing beside Dean's bedside. He clenched the pillow harder against his chest, like it was his life force. "C-Cas......" Dean mumbled, rolling onto his back. His eyes weren't open. I stepped back, stumbling over Dean's boots and fell onto the bed with an 'oof'. Dean sat up in his bed, rubbed his eyes with an confused expression. "Cas? What the hell are you doing? Were you watching me sleep?" He asked, through his yawns.
"I-I ummm....you were having a nightmare..." I told him, he pushed the pillow he had clenched to his chest off the bed, flipping his legs off the side. "I-I-It was about Sam....." He still didn't say anything, "Dean, I-"
"Shut it, Cas. I need to go to the bathroom." He grumbled , dropping the blanket to his feet and walked off. I looked down at his boots thinking how stupid was I.