1. Just a sick cutter.
So yesterday I lost my everything, my boyfriend, my best friend, the person I trusted the most. And yeah that trust fell too the ground, I got the message "I don't care bae, you're a sick cutter" well I'm a sick cutter? So that's apparently me. I know I'm not healthy, I'm week my self esteem is to the ground. I act like I got this big confidence but I don't, I'm so scared of being hurt, lied to, forgotten, and people not wanting me. I went to therapy and that helped a lot and my boyfriend was one of the reasons I stopped to therapy. But about a month and a half, it all went down I found out that my boyfriend had pictures of another girl in underwear that was apparently his "old" flirt.. Well at first I was about to break up with him because he really broke my trust to him. But I choose to look past it.. Me and my boyfriend had a long distance relationship we lived almost 2 hours from each other, so we couldn't see each other every day. The next time we were together I he stayed for 4 days and we had a really great time.. But I found out that he had flirted with another girl so that he had flirted with two other girls beside me.. I was really devastated, but I looked past it again. Soo we were on this dating site were we first met and he logged into it through my iPad and apparently it logged into his Facebook I found out a couple of days later. And his "sister" he calls her, is his ex. And she is really provoking she post pics which says "lets fuck" and give him compliments and so do he give her. I told him I didn't like that and it hurts me and he promised me wasn't gonna write too (which i know he would sometime) and he would not hang out with her. The time passed and he hadn't fucked up and I was going to his birthday. I met all his family and they were so nice to me.. And they liked me I think. It was a really great day, and I slept over the night the next day my dad picked me up earlier than we thought and we were really sad, but the next he was over at his dad's place and my dad drove me to his place and we hung out again we were really happy. But the passed and I got home and the next day a message pops up in my screen on my iPad it was from his "sister".. She asked about me and him and he told her things were going really great which it apparently was. And then she suddenly she says I was bitchy? And the girl doesn't even know me the only things she knows is what he tells her, and I can't stop wondering what he's told her? He says he understand her and I just think we're did my boyfriend go who let's their friends say that about their girlfriends? And they keep chatting and suddenly she sends a photo with her and her boyfriend were she's only wearing underwear posing in the mirror and he bloody fucking tells her she looks hot.. I was heart broken. I don't understand why he can't see what's he's doing I always have to tell him that's it's hurtful all the things he's done and doing. And suddenly he tells her there's living a hot chick across the street and he's trying to be friends with her so when and if him and me broke he would have her to comforting her. I was speechless I kinda blacked out I found a barber thing which I destroyed so I could get the sharp stuff I cutted on my hip I did two times so now I have these many small scars on my hip. The next day I wasn't being nice to him I didn't send any hearts and smiley faces and he knew I had seen the messages. I showed him the scars and he flipped he couldn't understand why I had done it (i don't cut usually) I didn't knew either I just panicked I cried and cried. And then I just did it. It didn't hurt at all. He told me that if I ever did it again he would end it our relationship. Since the day I've found out that he had flirted with that girl I was getting sicker and sicker. And now I couldn't barely keep my hopes up. He mad me happy and that's the worst part. I don't have that many friends and yeah. I told him that it wasn't okay he had done it and I was considering breaking up with him. I was tired of him lying to me making me look like a bitch to his girl friends. And then I told him I wanted to break up I didn't mean it and he knows (I've said it before) then he keeps on telling that I have to get a real reason which we decided when we got together because we live so far away from each other. I didn't tell him a reason and then the message came "I don't care bae, you're a sick cutter" I was so devastated I cried and cried I couldn't see because I cried so much, and then he says " I don't care about all the jerks who will get you know who you don't like, we're breaking up on Facebook" i couldn't believe that this actually was the boy I was totally madly in love with saying that stuff of all persons I know.. so I got on my Mac getting it all wet and then I sat my status from "in a relationship" too "single" I just shot my Mac down and started crying again.. I told him I did it I broke up with him official. So now I'm here laying in my bed not crying any more and getting spammed to the limit of my ex boyfriend and I'm not crying anymore I think writing this down really opened my eyes. So this is my "love story"