Clearly I have bad luck. First I'm late to class, then I lock myself out of my car. I know I've only been standing here for a few minutes but I'm not patient at all. I slid down the side door of my old car sitting against it on the floor. My mind was wandering and finding the darkest of holes to creep into.
After having locked myself out I just couldn't hold all the emotions I was feeling inside. They fell from me in the form of droplets. Raining down my cheeks and staining my shirt a darker hue of red plaid.
They fell in torrents. I couldn't control them at all. I can't even remember the last time I felt this way. I don't cry often and when I do it means I'm hurt bad. I can stand a lot before I actually start crying. The pain of heartbreak is indescribable. It's so painful it can make me cry. To understand it you must feel it yourself. And that's not a feeling I wish upon anyone.
I know it wasn't all his fault. I messed up first, I allowed myself to believe I could juggle both a boyfriend and a lover. Anyone in their right mind should be able to tell you that's impossible. It's not only impossible, but wrong. Very, very, wrong. And yet I couldn't get that through my thick skull until now. Now that I'm stuck, I still have Harry but at the moment that's not what I want. I want an Irish man with dyed blonde hair and a perfect personality. I want him more than anything. I'm selfish I know.
I should have never put either of them through it. Niall didn't deserve to be played like that, and Harry even if he cheated as well shouldn't have gone through that either. I'm just stupid and most of all a bad girlfriend. I don't get why I can't just choose between them. I know I can't actually be in love with both of them, at least not in the same ways. If I truly loved Harry the ways I believed I did I would have never sought out Niall. I would have never done what I did with him, sober or not.
But that's why I'm sitting here today. Why I'm locked out of my car and have no way except to walk home. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I just want to be able to wallow in myself for a few minutes then I'll figure out how to get home, but until then I curled in upon myself and cried. Shutting out the world around me and just letting go.
I heard the sound of a gasp from behind me then the slam of the door opening and closing behind someone. I didn't know what to think of it except hoping that gasp didn't belong to one particular person. But with my luck it would. I was making a huge mistake. Kimberly's lips felt and tasted all wrong. They weren't the soft swollen feeling of Ace's. They were a rough needy texture of a co-workers.
I broke away from the woman before me and turned to see Savannah and Louis standing in the doorway. They looked shocked, well Louis did. Savannah just looked pissed. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there watching them for a moment until Kimberly broke the silence.
"Hello Louis, what can I do for you?" She asked calmly. As if her student didn't just walk in on her half naked and making out with me. I turned back to her to find that she had buttoned her shirt back up and was now standing in front of her desk not leaning against it like before. Louis blinked a few times then he spoke.
"Uh, I needed to hand in some late work. Sorry if we barged in on something important." He muttered reaching into his backpack and pulling out a few papers. Kim shook her head and smiled politely reaching and taking Louis' work from him. She set it on her desk and turned her attention to me again. She had a sinister smirk on her lips. Her eyes looked hungry. Like they wanted me even though two of our students were in the room. That made me slightly sick to my stomach. Did she know when to stop?
"Uhm, I need to get back to my room. I'll talk to you later Miss. Mason" I murmured turning on my heels and walking briskly out of the door. I sighed in relief, I just made a huge mistake and I know it. I have the strongest feeling Ace was there, that was who gasped and that's why the door slammed open. I wish she would have talked to me, called or even texted. Anything to just know where we stand. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so dirty now.
I walked down the halls trying to get to my room quickly. I have no idea what I was doing or why I did it but I feel dirty. I feel like I cheated when I know I haven't. At least not to Ace since she moved on without me. But I was interrupted from my walking by a girl shouting at me.
"Mr. Horan!" Savannah screamed down the hall. I turned to her, all the students were out to lunch so a few stragglers heard her. I gulped and watched as she stomped over to me, she looked utterly pissed. If I didn't know any better I would be scared out of my mind. I don't really know what to expect from her, some girls are slappers and will slap a man with every chance they get. I hope she's not one of them because I really don't want a bruise on my cheek this week.
"Yes Savannah?" I asked trying to sound treachery. I didn't need eyes watching us and thinking this was anything but a student teacher conversation. But of course she had different ideas.
"Oh cut the crap Horan. What the hell was that in there?" Savannah shouted. I licked my lips glancing around at the few students that were listening in on our little dispute. A few of them were whispering to one another and eyeing the two of us.
"Let's take this into my room please" I spoke softly. Unfortunately that only made her more pissed her eyes burned with rage as she stared me down. I just didn't want her making a scene while were in front of other students. As much as I want to discuss my liking of Ace I don't want it to happen where either of us could get into trouble.
"What you don't want everyone knowing you're f*cking-" I cut her off, I know that isn't going to help her rage but me getting fired and possible arrested isn't going to help either of our situations.
"Savannah!" I shouted, her dark brown eyes narrowed at me before she pushed harshly past me and into my classroom. I let out a breath of relief and followed her inside ignoring the confused looks I was getting. I just really hope no one talks to someone about this. That's all I need right now.
I got inside and found Savannah pacing the front of the room. I turned and locked the door so no one could interrupt us. I honestly have no idea what she's going to do to me but I don't want people finding out my personal business.
"What the f*ck Niall" She spit glaring me down. I winced, she didn't have to be so harsh. I went to speak and defend myself but she stopped me before I could even start.
"Look, I don't care if you're butt hurt because Ace can't figure out how to end it with her boyfriend but that doesn't give you any right to just go around whoring around because of it!" She screamed. What the heck, I wasn't whoring around...
"I wasn't. Kimberly and I are co-workers and she asked me out a few days ago. I thought that Ace was over me, had moved on. She didn't exactly make it clear she wanted me when her lips were sucking off another man's." I glared. Savannah really knew how to piss me off. We’re pushing each other’s buttons at this point and I know that's not good but I don't know what else to do at this point.
"Oh boo-who! Do you really think she wants to see you bending that slut over her desk!?" She questions. A part of me wanted to defend Kim, but I didn't. Savannah wasn't entirely wrong. She wasn't a church girl. She was skanky and dirty. But that's exactly what I thought I needed at the moment. I guess now that I think about it you never really need a girl like that. I've always wanted to think that girls who do that to themselves can change, can be a good girl. But as I think about it now I don't believe Kim could ever be a good girl. She's too slimy.
"Look. I'm not proud of what I did. Far from it, but I don't know what else to do. Ace is off with some douche and I'm here alone. I don't think she wants me because she has made no effort to contact me or tell me otherwise. So what I do in my life is none of your business. Now please leave." I say calmly. Savannah's face reddens. What have I done now?
"You know what fine. But I'm going to get back to my dorm and find her heart broken and when I do I hope you're happy you broke an innocent girl’s heart!" She stomped away getting the last words. I sat there for a moment thinking about what had happened. I need to think of what to do. From what Savannah was saying Ace still has feelings for me. But I don't understand, if she liked me then why can't she just end it with that idiot and be with me. None of this is making sense. It's just a big load of drama that I don't need. I'm 23 and over this phase. At least I was hoping I was. I guess this is what happens when you fall for your student.
I don't have any more classes today, I had planned on spending the evening with Kimberly. But that's obviously not going to happen. I should have never planned to do that in the first place but what's done is done.
I reached behind my desk and gathered up papers and other things that I would need for this evenings grading session that I was thoroughly falling behind in. Having spent so many evening's with Ace this week I haven't had any time to keep up with the grades. I know my students are going to be mad but my personal life needs rescuing first before my work life. They'll just have to wait I suppose.
I walked out of the building and down to the staff parking lot which was right beside the student parking lot which I never quite understood. But none the less I got out and found my bike. It was parked at the far end of the lot, closer to the student parking lot. I walked up to it and looked over to find Ace's car. That’s odd I thought she had left already.
I know it's creepy and I shouldn't spy but I was curious as to why her car was still in the lot. I hopped over the tiny chair that separated the teacher and student parking lots and wandered over to her blue car. As I got closer I could make out the shape of someone's body sitting on the ground beneath the car.
The person was wearing a large plaid shirt. As I got closer I could hear the sound of crying, my heart leapt into my throat as I peered around the car and found it was coming from Ace. Her arms were wrapped around her knees, her head leaned against her arms. She was curled up, sobs emitting from her lips.
I ran over to her but I didn't know what to do, would she be mad at me and yell at me much like her friend did? I really hope not because I'm reaching out to hold her. My hand brushes against her arm and she jumps. Her blue eyes wide with fear. They make contact with mine and instantly she recognizes me. She scrambles back trying to get away from me but she's trapped between the car and myself.
"No." She gasps her voice hoarse with tears. Her arms flailed about trying to get away from my grasp. My hands tightened around her wrists.
"Ace, Shhh. Calm down baby. It's alright. I'm not going to hurt you. Just please, let's talk." I tried to soothe but it did the opposite. Instead she shook harder trying to get away.
"Let me go!" She shouted. But she threw her head back hitting it hard against the car. Her eyes lulled back before she slumped in my arms. I couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. All I knew was she hit her head really hard and she is now slumped in my arms. She's either unconscious or dead.