Instead of the adrenaline I'm meant to feel right now, I am fatigued and all I want to do is sleep. The boys kept on trying to get me to talk to them in the car, but as usual, I ignore them. I saw a look pass on Louis' and Liam's faces. They must have finally noticed something, then.
What's wrong with Niall? He isn't so...happy and cheerful anymore. His love for everything has disappeared, and he doesn't seem to want any help from us. He's blocked us out now, and to be honest, it doesn't feel good. But who am I to be selfish, when there's clearly something bothering my brother?
I wonder if it's because he wants a break... because if he does, I can definitely empathise with him. Simon and our managers won't let us. Sure, there are the odd off days, where there's no rehearsals or shows, no rushing around, and we can do whatever we want for the whole day... but there's no family time, and we can't travel back to the UK. Being on tour is much harder than I thought it would be...but I should've expected that already. After all, we've been on our own tours before...
The rest of the boys are socialising in the car, but I didn't join them. For some reason today, I've been feeling tired and irritated at something. I can't put my finger on it... I don't know what's wrong with me, and talking about that, I also don't know what's wrong with Niall, either. He hasn't talked to us for a few days already. It's like he's cut us out of everything now, like for some reason, we don't...belong. Like we've fallen out, just in this invisible and unknown way.
I've watched him like a hawk for a while now, and I think Niall didn't realise that I've been watching him. I really want to help him, but I can't, because I am extremely tired and I can't function when I'm this tired, and Niall's not letting us in on what's happening right now. For the first time, I wish I had some power to enter somebody's mind.
Well, the concert went well, as usual! I love performing to our fans, they mean the world to us. It's a really amazing feeling, being able to even perform around the world, and explore amazing places that I could have only ever dream about.
We're loud in the car, as usual, but I think I'm the loudest. I can't stop moving, I'm too filled up with the adrenaline and hype of the concert we just did. We had so much fun on stage!
The concert was good. I had so much 'fun' on stage as I usually do. But of course, what nobody knows is, it's not real. This is not the real me. Yes, I enjoy performing in front of a crowd, but sometimes, it's good to have a big break, where we can see our families and revert back to our normal lives, before all of this fame happened, even if it's just for a little while. All of this ride has been non-stop, rehearsals one day, recording studios the next, and more rehearsals the next day... when will it all just stop for a while?