The crowd was buzzing with excitement in front of the stage,and we heard our opening act play their songs. Backstage, however, was a different vibe. Yes, we were all excited, but also extremely nervous. We always have the backstage 'jitter bugs' before we perform.
Just before we could go on stage, Harry huddled us all in together, and we did our mini group chant. This helps us focus and become less nervous. Well, it's meant to help us anyway. I still felt disconnected from everyone else, even after the chant.
It's our turn now. It's now or never, Niall.
"WELCOME LONDON!!!" I screamed into the microphone. "HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING ON THIS AMAZING EVENING?!" Screams were the replies.
"Let's get started, shall we boys?" And then the music turned on, and all of a sudden, we were performing.
When we finally got off the stage, the adrenaline just didn't come rushing at me. This isn't pure love for my job, is it? No, Niall. Remember? Oh, I remember all right.
"Hello?" I heard my mum's voice over the telephone.
"Hi, mum. I really miss you. How's Greg and everyone?"
"Hi honey. EVeryone's fine and missing you as well. When are you coming home to visit us? You haven't in over 5 months now."
"Yes, nobody in the band was allowed to take a short break. I want to leave this band, I just don't feel a connection with them anymore."
"Oh, darling, I'm sorry but you can't! You see, it's to do with the money. We have financial issues and..." She trailed off, leaving me to finish the sentence for her.
"So I have to take care of you all."
"Yes, essentially. I'm so sorry honey, I really am. I don't think Simon would allow you to leave, anyhow."
"NO, mum, you don't get it! I don't care if he doesn't allow me, it's not him who gets to control me! It's my life, mum, I can take control. I'm old enough. Unlike some people." I hung up.
Great. Just another burden to carry alone.
Oh, I remember it so clearly still. Even though it was a few months ago, I still remember the conversation TOO clearly.