They told me to put an end to him. It would keep me away from danger.
Stranger danger. If you must know.
I left little concern with my younger sister.
She had lost herself through my own dramatic ways.
I’d side with her. If I could.
She’d side with me. If only she would.
Mother says; she should. She should.
Deep inside me. I didn’t feel anything for her or even me.
He had abused me. He had hurt me. He had stopped me.
Controlled me. Lied to me. Humiliated me.
No matter what I do. He’ll always be there.
New day, new sunshine. No.
There wouldn’t be sunshine.
Just dark clouds. Light spells of rain.
Getting heavier and heavier as I cried trying to feel sane.
He was only down my road. He named it our special place.
My bloody face is covered in nothing but dirt.
My hair is tied and I still imagine where he pulled me.
By the ponytail. And then he’d claw into me.
I was a prey to him. Only this time he got urged to do so.
He tightened his grip and pulled me down.
No longer on my feet. I was forced upside-down.
Mummy… turn that frown upside down.
I’d cry; I can’t! I can’t do that…
She never saw me. She never knew that.
I was alone. With this horrible man.
He covered my mouth. My frown had become invisible.
My emotions were locked away from his eye contact.
Before I knew it, he had finished with me.
I gripped the blanket and pulled myself up.
Shaking violently. Wishing to be left alone forever.
The door closes, he dresses back to his formal uniform.
My mind tells me the door is locked. It’s not though.
I try to get up but the feeling of being violated in private is disgusting.
I never wanted this. He was a distant man, I trusted him.
Look where I am. Look where I am!
Baby, you are nothing but my Ham.