Today I woke up and got out of bed. I walked into what used to be our bathroom. I looked in the mirror and I couldn't help but wonder why you did it. I looked at my self and wondered why I drove you to go as far as killing yourself.
I got in the shower and turned the hot water nob. Steamy hot water spilled out the shower head. I stood there and let the water hit my sensitive skin. Hot tears began to flow down my cheeks as I squatted and wrapped my arms around my knees just thinking of your beauty.
After about 20 minutes of squatting I got up and began to wash myself. I put on my body wash you adored and I washed my hair with your strawberry scented shampoo.
I got out of the shower and retrieved my towel. I wrapped it around myself and walked into my room. I went to your dresser and admired you jewelry. I grabbed the heart necklace you used to love. I turned it over and read the beautiful words that you used to tell me every day. 'Life is like a photography, we develop from the negatives' I got you it for our anniversary a few months ago, remember?
I changed into a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt and pulled on my shoes. Mia and Lulu are sending me to a therapist to day.
I left the apartment and drove to the Starbucks we met at. This place holds so many memories. I got out of my car and walked inside. I ordered your favorite just because I wanna fell you even more.
I sat at a table and read just a little more of 'The fault in our stars' I would of loved to introduce you to this book. I know you would love it.
When Lulu and Mia arrived they decided that I should go with Lulu and Mia would drive my car home.
During the drive Lulu tried to make small talk but ever since you left I haven't found the right words to say to anyone. When I go to speak I fell like crying.
I feel Like your death was god punishing me for a wrong doing against you. I stayed silent just listening to the little rain drops hitting against the windows.
We arrived at the therapy session. I was still quiet. I had nothing to say. I got out the car expecting to feel your soft hand slip into mine but nothing happened. When we got inside the therapist greeted us. I did nothing back. I couldn't smile. I had no right to.
She lead me into a room and I sat on a couch and stared at her. She asked me questions but I didn't answer. I could only think of you and how I missed you touch. She gave me this journal to write in. She told me to write my thoughts. But my thoughts are mainly about you and my day. So I decided to just write about my day. How I feel. But not my thoughts, if I wrote out my thoughts I probably couldn't survive.