2. Really Troye?
You never actually know how much people mean too you until the're not around and then you realize how much you actually cherish them. Before me and Tyler split up i had never broken a bone so i had no idea what heartbreak felt like since people always compared it to breaking a bone. If what i felt on the night that i had to say goodbye to the bae or the lonely nights where i see his tweets of how lonely he feels without having the power to comfort him or maybe the days where i feel like absolute shit and the only thing i want is my daily dose of courage and affection from that beautiful boy. If the pain i felt during those times is what breaking a bone feels like then when i have a child i shall ensure that i protect he/her so much that they never have to go through the pain of breaking a bone because that pain is terrible.
I remember immediately i got home that day i went straight up to my mothers room and just stayed in her arms and cried until my eyes went all puffy and opening them felt really painful, without saying anything she made me hot chocolate with mini marsh-mellows and ran me a bath. After the bath i felt more relaxed but very much still in pain but the look on my mums face broke my heart even more. Just imagine what it feels like trying to make smaller particles of finely refined baking flour, its pretty much impossible to get it any smoother than it already is if we're honest. Well i thought my heart couldn't break into anymore tinier pieces but that was not true, the look of hurt in my mothers eyes literally hurt so bad. It was silent for a while and she did that thing that mothers usually do when they just watch you as if analyzing every inch of your body or maybe just trying to read your mind for a while and then said "I hate to see you unhappy."then i walked over to her, gave a hug and said "I'm gonna be okay." in response to that she just sighed and in my mothers very own language which i have become accustomed to that means "Tell me everything." so i sat next to her and just told her everything that happened and how i felt and the only thing she managed to say at the end was "That woman never liked you in the first place but why would she jeopardize the happiness of her child." and then added "I hope she fucking dies." To which i replied "No mum you cant say that, i mean even though i don't like her if she dies Tyler would be heartbroken and i really don't want that to happen."After the talk we went downstairs and mum made dinner whilst i stalked Tyler's Facebook, Tuumblr, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, i mean i even went as far as MySpace you know just in case. He hadn't posted anything about us not being together anymore or anything at all which kind of in a way bothered me because he basically lives on his social media and always posts things but in this case he wasn't on any of his social media accounts.I guessed maybe he was still in shock so i didn't bother for a while but i just really couldn't help but constantly refresh his page that it got to a point where my mother kept all of my electronic devices.
I used to think that break ups only happen when one of the couple in the relationship falls out of love with each other but in my case that wasn't what happened, we kind of had to. What bothered me most of all was the fact that Tyler didn't know that his mother instigated the whole entire fiasco and it insanely bothered me to think that he would feel like i didn't love him. Imagine what it'd feel like if your boyfriend felt like you never loved him when in all honesty he's the best thing that ever happened to you and loving him was one of the easiest and most precious things ever. Well that's what it felt like to me and it really worried me to the extent that i called Zoe who was one of our mutual friends and asked her to call Tyler, you know just to check on him, she asked why but i just told her it was some secret project so she did. About 40minutes later Zoe called me back and she sounded a devastated and extremely disappointed when she said "I thought you loved him, you swore you did." to which i replied "Zoe i do, i really do and i always will." and she hesitantly said "Well you obviously don't Troye. Like are you seriously shitting me! How cruel could you get Troye, you decide to break up with him on the same day he gets news that his mum's cancer might be uncurable and you don't even give him a valid reason." at this point the tears automatically start flowing and it takes a few tries before i could say "That's what she wanted." it was barely audible but Zoe replied in an alarming voice when she said "What! Who's she? Mama Oakley?" then i slowly explained to her what happened whilst i attempted not to drown in my own tears. At the end of the explanation the only thing Zoe could manage to say was "Wow that's cruel." then she later on added "You need to tell Tyler." to which i replied "I cant Zoe, i mean she's his mother and i wouldn't want to cause any trouble." she went quiet for a while and then finally said "So you'd rather just let him beat himself up and feel like absolute shit with the constant feeling that he's done something wrong when he really hasn't done anything wrong? Really Troye, you'd rather both of you be in pain when you honestly both want the same thing which is each other. Think about it." and then she hung up.