12. Chapter Eleven
No Hilary & I never became friends again, Matt & I never became an item and yes I died a virgin. No my dad did not stop drinking his life away and no he didn't stop with the abuse. No Matt and I never got married and there was no magical wedding. No I didn't get pregnant and give birth to a beautiful baby boy named Alex. No we didn't all die in a car accident. No my life never was perfect.
I awoke that morning to find out that everything changed as I stopped breathing and gasped for air. I died in that bed and wasn't found until a week later when my dad came to ask for money for alcohol. I was 18 and I never lived my life the way I wanted to and now I'm dead.
Live your life how you want to and do what makes you happy cause tomorrow you might not wake up. Or the people you love might not. Be grateful for the time you have and everything else cause in the blink of an eye it could all be gone. The things I wished I'd done before I died were impossible now, only dreams and damn do I regret shutting everyone out.
I died without any friends, any family to attend the funeral I didn't have.
If you don't love yourself how can you expect others to? Everyday is a new day. Just because you've had a bad day doesn't mean you have a shit life so don't ever stop living it. When you get hurt pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. The reason we become stronger when we fall and get hurt is because we learn to pick up our weights, dust 'em off & keep walking. Just as Jesus apparently did with his crucifix. Just as the slaves did after being beaten. Just as you can after being heart broken, hurt, bullied, tortured. You can do it no matter what, you just need to have the right frame of mind and patience.
I learnt all of that all too late. As my hands reached towards the direction of the door and I fell backwards immobilised never to speak, never to hear nor listen, and never to live, again.
That's the end of "It All Starts At The End." The reason for the name of the book is because Marina realises how her life could have been and how she could start living just as she starts dying. Also because the end of the book is basically the start. I hope you enjoyed my first movella and suggest the story to a friend who you think may like it. I do apologise for the sadness, which turns out to be a mind fuck ahah. If there are any questions, ask away and I'll answer them if I can :) thank you x