I sit alone at the edge of the chasm. This is where Harrison killed himself. I brush the tears from my eyes. If only I still had Iris. I am drained. Ten years ago I sat here cradling a tiny baby with deep blue eyes, now I sit here holding the baby's blanket. Soft. Like her pale skin. It smells of Harrison. I press the blanket to my nose and inhale the smell of Harrison. I push the blanket against my eyes to stop the tears. I pull the blanket away from my face and see my black makeup smeared across it.
"Hello?" I hear a voice and turn round to see who it is. A tiny girl stands in front of me. She has dark blonde hair and her eyes... I know those eyes.
"Who are you?" I ask her, standing up.
"My name is Iris Barnaby, I am ten years old and I am here to find my parents."
Barnaby. Harrison Barnaby. Iris Barnaby. Her eyes are Harrison's.
"Iris!" I run up to her and embrace her.
"I know you?" She asks, pulling away from me.
"My name is Danielle Eaton. Mother of Iris Barnaby."
"Mom?" She hugs me again. Out pf the corner of my eye I see her blanket. I pick it up.
"Here, this is yours." I hand it to her. She holds it out from her and slowly brings it to her, as if she doesn't trust it. She brings the blanket up to her nose and takes in the smell. Her eyes glass over. It's like she recognizes Harrison's smell. She brings it down to her heart and looks up at me. Her eyes are full of tears that are spilling over. The ocean has overflowed. I hug her again. "There are some people you should meet." I say.
I lead Iris by the hand to the food hall. "Clese, Bee-tee, Sierra!" I call. They turn round and I beckon them. They get up and come over to me. Clese trails behind the girls. One hand in Bee-tee's the other hand holding a muffin that currently has his head buried in. "Who's that?" He asks, absentmindedly lifting his head up from the muffin.
"This!" I say proudly, "This is my daughter, Iris Barnaby."
"Iris?" Clese is suddenly paying attention.
"That is my name!" Iris says roughly.
"She's just like Harrison!" Bee-tee laughs. I look up at her. "Sorry Dani!" She says, curling into Clese. I wish I could have someone to curl into, to kiss, to hug. I miss Harrison so much. If only... If only what? If only Harrison was still here? If only I hadn't had Iris? No. I will never regret Iris, even if that was the reason Harrison died. How could I not regret that? My life is so confusing.
Iris sits in front of the mirror thoroughly inspecting her face. "What are you doing Iris?" I ask.
"I look older, more tired than I thought I did!" She says.
"You've been through a lot. I'm not surprised." I say putting my hands on her shoulders. She looks up at me and I brush her hair out of her face. She turns back round again and looks across the row of perfumes and makeup and hair products on the dressing table. Her eye catches the picture of young Harrison and I. She points to it. "Who's that?" She asks.
"That's me, and your father," I pause before saying his name, "Harrison."
"Where is dad?" She asks. I turn away. She means no harm, but I have always found it so hard to talk about Harrison, but she is his daughter. She has the right to know.
"Harrison died." I say, "He killed himself." I look at Iris. She looks shocked. She came here to find all her family. "You should get to bed." I say before I start crying too. She nods and leaves.