I have always believed that love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. We love even when our love is not required.
My relationship with Louis started after almost 9 months of very strong friendship, when it was just too hard to ignore the spark between the two of us. We became best friends before lovers. We understood each other and there was nothing hidden between the two of us. Our souls were completely exposed to each other. We made each other strong enough to overcome our weaknesses. We were never perfect but that didn't stop us from loving each other.
Now, as i was walking away from this love, all i can think about is how we ended up like this. Elounor wasn't supposed to be like this. My life wasn't supposed to be a big question mark. My baby's life was not supposed to be a mystery to me.
I brought this upon myself. I never should've been weak enough to let him do this to me.
Walking out of the building towards the overly crowded main road, my eyes had dried up completely.
I wanted to cry, to shout and scream at everything and everyone for being out here. I wanted to beg each and every person to shut up, to just stop the noise from reaching my ears but i knew nothing was gonna change. The noise won't go away. They won't listen to my screams. No one cares.
My feet move on their own accord and I was soon standing on the sidewalk with my arm extended to stop a cab.
I had nowhere to go other than Danielle's place. I didn't wanna explain anything to anyone right now but i knew she wont let it be. Having no other choice, I gave her address to the old buff cab driver.
He was looking at me with concern filled eyes. I must've looked like shit for the cab driver to have pity on me.
Thats what i am, just a bloody piece of shit.
Humans are strange things. They are the most proud on the outside during the times they are most insecure on the inside, and they would rather die manipulating others than be brave enough to be honest.
When the taxi driver asked me about what the matter was, I couldn't bring myself to tell him about my heightened consciousness, apartness, physical shame and self-loathing.
I was 100% sure that our child was not the reason Louis left me. Our child was not at fault. It was all me. He ran away from commitment. He just didn't love me enough. He didn't care about me that much. He must've fell out of love. He must've realised that he was too good for me.
All I said to the taxi driver when he refused to move was, "Me and my baby just got rejected from the father."
When the driver didn't say anything, I looked up and saw him giving me a dejected smile. I tried not to flinch when he extended his hand and patted my head a little.
"Its alright, kid. To be rejected by someone doesn't mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn't mean that nobody will ever love you anymore." He paused waiting for me to react but when I didn't, he continued." Remember that only one person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person's opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.Everyone in your life will hurt you sooner or later.But you will have to decide."
I could feel the tears rushing back. He was right. Everyone in my life was prone to hurt me one day or the other. But what was the decision i had to make?
"What is more important? The pain or the person growing inside you?"
I was speechless to say the least. The driver knew I wasn't going to respond, so he turned around and started driving away.
The pain won't go away but my baby was much more important than me caring about what I felt. Leaving behind all of this and starting over would be the toughest thing i've done in my whole existence but all of it would be for the one soul that matters most to me at this time.
Placing my hand on the little bulge on my stomach, I whispered, "We can manage on our own. I will take care of myself. We don't need daddy. We can do just fine without him. Just you and mommy."
After giving me a lot of shit about what I had done, the lads finally left. They made me realise that this was most probably a misunderstanding and i was a complete asshole to El. I feel really bad a guilty for what I did to her . Whether she cheated on me or not, I had no right to kick her out of the house at this time of the night. I shouln't have used that tone with her and i should've let her explain everything. We could've easily sorted things out like we always do. I messed it all up. She was always the one saying sorry first in any fight we had. This was my time to do it. She pleaded enough.
Every relationship goes through troubled waters, but if the love is true, nothing or no one can phase it and it will make it through the dark.
I decided it would be best to call her back home and sort it all out. I really love her and I don't wanna loose her just because of some rumours, a misunderstanding and my stupidity.
Nothing is worth losing her. I'm not gonna let her go so easily. We are much stronger than that. We get through everything and this time won't be any different.
So, swallowing my pride, I fished out my phone from the back pocket of my jeans and dialled her number, hoping she'd pick up and agree to return home instantly.
Just as it starts ringing, i heard a vague sound coming from our room. I furrowed my eyebrows, strolled towards the door and unlatched it.
The sound was coming from her phone that was reclining on the bedside table. Damn.
The guilt of kicking her out started increasing as i took in the appearance of our room.
The floor was covered with red and white balloons. There were red rose petals all over our king sized bed and there was something written with sliced carrots on the bed. She had spent so much time and worked so hard in preparing all of this. I moved towards it to get a better look and i stopped breathing as soon as i read the two words.
She wanted us to get married.
Those rumours and articles weren't true.
She would have never asked me to marry her if she was cheating on me or manipulating me.
She wouldn't have ever asked me to marry her if she didn't truly love me.
I am such a bastard. I didn't even listen to her. How could i even doubt her for a single second. She trusts me with all she has got and what did I do. I freakin' kicked her out because of some imbecile articles.
Now, there was a question continuously running through my head.
Will she forgive me?