You can't go back in time, even if you wish it with every fibre of your being, your heart and soul, even if you think about it every second.
You can't go back in time, you can't change what's done. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and be a better person. Try to fix those mistakes with all you've got.
Realising that I can't just stop the tape and rewind, I tried as hard as I could to try and fix the mistake I made. I called all of Eleanor's friends, her relatives, family, everyone that I'm aware of but no one has any idea of where she is or could possibly be.
My first guess was that she would've gone to Danielle's but I was wrong. Danielle said that it had been almost a whole week she heard from Eleanor. I even looked for her on the streets and asked as many people as I could in the crowd without being noticed but nobody had spotted her.
Eleanor had just graduated from her Uni in Manchester and moved in with me right away. A lot of her stuff was still in Manchester, so she would probably go back there to collect that. That would be my only chance to convince her to forgive me and come back. There was a knot in my stomach that I knew wouldn't go away until I had her in my arms again.
So, I called Catherine to inform her that I would be taking the earliest flight to Manchester tomorrow morning.
She picked up after a few rings. "Hello," using the professional tone.
"Hey Catherine. It's me, Louis."
"Oh, Yeah Louis. What's wrong? Do you want something?" she inquired hastily.
"Catherine, I uhh...I'm going to Manchester tomorrow morning. It's really important." I said nervously. I wasn't sure how she'd react since i remember that we had something important scheduled for tomorrow.
"No! You can't go to Manchester. Not for the next 3 days at least. No way. I'm not letting you do that." She replied instantly.
"You don't get it. It's really important. Please."
"I'm sorry Louis but my answer is still a no. You have been invited for a very famous show tomorrow. Then you have your rehearsals and a meeting with the song writers the day after. There is an award show you have to attend too. So, i really can't help you. You can't go anywhere. "
"I don't care Catherine. I'm going to Manchester tomorrow no matter what." I declared, not in the mood of arguing about it anymore.
"No Louis! You are not going anywhere for the next three days. Don't be so selfish. The show tomorrow is really important. You can't miss it. The award function and the meeting have to be attended. You are not a solo artist Louis. You're in a band. You have to think about the others before making decisions that will effect them too. You can go to Manchester after 3 days. Not right now, okay?"
Damn. Why does this woman always have a good point?
But what about Eleanor? What about Elounor? What if its too late after these three days? But i guess i'll have to take the risk since I mumbled an 'okay' and hung up.
Just three days...
"You could easily get a job there." Danielle assured during our flight to New York 2 days after the incident.
Danielle was already moving back to New York, so rescheduling a bit hadn't been a problem for her. We had taken the earliest flight to Manchester to collect my stuff and spent the night there.
Spending some time with my mum had helped me a lot. Talking to her, telling her about what I felt, what I was gonna do with the baby, had definitely lifted some weight from my shoulders.
She was happy to hear that she was going to be a grandma, even though she kept complaining about how the name made her sound really old. But she was pretty exasperated about what Louis had done, which was completely natural.
She was not keen on the idea of me moving to New York but being the supportive parent she is, she didn't stop me.
Dad, on the other hand, was just not allowing me to go but when I explained to him my need of getting away from all of this, he managed to convince me to make a deal with him. I could only go to New York if I let him take care of me and my baby financially. Having no other choice, I agreed reluctantly.
Mum and dad, both had talked to Danielle for hours about how to take care of me because I was still "an immature child." They agreed to keep the baby and my location a complete secret. I didn't want any media near my baby and they seemed to agree.
They were both in tears when we left for the airport. I wanted to stay with them but I knew I couldn't. It would just be a torture to live there with so many memories always surrounding me.
I hadn't spoken much during the whole flight, partly because I was afraid I'd have a breakdown at any moment , and partly because Danielle wouldn't give me a chance to speak. I wasn't complaining though.
She was continuously talking about how New York was and what kinda people lived there. Then she started talking about how it would be so much fun to live together and raise the baby. I know she was just trying her best to distract me but I had zoned out on her a long time ago. The rest of the flight was spent the same way. Danielle, talking most fo the time and me, staring out of the aircraft window into the vast empty sky, thinking how that was exactly what I was feeling.
The next day...
I was laying on my bed, just staring at the ceiling when the bell rang. I had to see who it was, since Danielle was out, grocery shopping.
When I opened the door, there stood a tall, pretty good looking guy who started speaking robotically without even sparing me a glance.
"Hi, my mom sent me here t-..." He stopped when his eyes landed on my. Mouth slightly open and eyes a little wide.
When he continued to stare at me without completing his sentence, I raised my eyebrows at him.
"You're really pretty." He blurted and his cheeks immedietly turned a light shade of pink when he noticed me smiling at him with probably an amused look on my face.
"I just said that aloud, didn't I?" He asked and I just nodded, watching him curse under his breath. "Oh, well, I'm Travis, your neighbour. Welcome to the building. You are?"
"I'm Eleanor and its really nice to meet you Travis." He was still looking at me weirdly but continued talking nontheless.
"So umm..Eleanor..I uhh brought you this..." He handed me a box of cookies before continuing,"Um, do you need help with unpacking or lifting something?"
He seemed like anice guy and I might as well start making new friends since I left everyone other than Danielle behind. So, I held the door wide open for him and smiled brightly, even though it was a half-hearted one. As he walked inside, he started talking to me like I was his long lost friend.
There can't be a perfect replacement for those who we lost, whom we love so much, but there is always a kind replacement, strong and caring enough to take us through those lonely moments.