4. The pain
At this point, I had no idea what was going on - I didn't realize that I wasn't wearing any clothes and kept pushing the sheet off. I have a vague, horrible memory of the 'cool mat' which they put over me to lower my temperature as it was too high. It left black marks up all of my legs, they hurt. I tried to take the cooling mat off several times, but I wasn't strong enough to even sit up, let alone push a mat off my body.
Soon after, I was put under again. This time I woke up in an unexplainable agony that ripped through my entire lower half of my body - constantly. The pain wouldn't go away. I can't even explain to you how much my body hurt, how hard i tried to scream and tried to make everyone understand how much agony I was in. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't speak because of my trachea. I was given a whiteboard, and I was to write down anything, if I had the strength to lift my arms. I tried to tell them.
By this point, I was completely deprived of food and water due to the trachae. A nurse would regularly wipe down the inside of my mouth with a sponge so it didn't get too dry - when I gave her my best puppy dog eyes, she'd even use lemon juice to do so, so i could taste something, just enough to remind me what it felt like to drink.
It'd been about a month that I'd been in out of a coma for now, and I was in a lot of pain still. The doctors just kept putting me on so many drugs, I didn't even remember my name. I'd reverted back to a baby, crying when I shit my diaper, which I had to wear because I couldn't move.
The most humiliating thing was having to be changed by someone you don't know. When a random nurse walks up to you, and has you pushed onto your side while she wipes your ass up because you're too weak and feeble to do it yourself. That's the most demeaning, humiliating thing. But I guess it would have been for them too - and it was their job. So I put up with it, I hated it, but it had to be done.