We Are The Imperfection

Devin Deangelos never had an easy life. He had a hard life. He suffered from ADHD, Dyslexia and as he grew, those problems only grew with him... alcohol addiction, anxiety... mild stages of depression. Join him on an emotional journey through the life he wished he could have changed as it explores such issues as anger, death, first love and of course IMPERFECTION. He is not a hero... he is not within perfectionism... We are the anger, we are the fault, we are the imperfection.

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5. Chapter Four

Walking away from that was difficult for him to do, despite the fact that the kid and his parents had gone. It was somewhat of a challenge for Devin to get his feet moving one in front of the other, but he didn’t know why. With a lump in his throat and a terrible attempt at trying to swallow it, he moved forward. Wicked winds crept up in velocity and clung to him as if they’d never been caressed before, as if they’d never felt love. Pulling his scarf up closer round his neck and taking his coat by the collar to pull even higher, he rubbed his hands together as he continued a brisk pace to his destination. His thoughts, once again, seemed to possess his body like a talentless and decrepit demon that fed off only memories and fear and rejected anything good in him, and pushed it aside, as if it wasn’t a necessity, as if it didn’t matter.

 

Jack wasn’t the only long-time childhood friend that Devin had had. But a lot happened in between the periods of time that he found comfort in friendship. It was almost too much to think about and dwell on, but too much to be able to ignore or do anything about either.

Shortly after the whole incident on the farm, Devin’s nana had words with his parents and gained custardy of him. It had all gone smoothly as his parents were only too happy to hand him over...or so it had seemed. They certainly showed no sign of emotion for the whole incident. For them it was just another weight off their shoulders, even if it was like admitting defeat. They still cared; Devin had been assured of that, they just didn’t provide the emotional gratification he needed as a child, whereas his nana had plenty. That was all there was to it, put in simple terms at least.

He distinctly remembered missing out a couple lessons a week to go and see his doctor because of it all, he then got transferred to someone who told him something...something that made him see himself in a clearer, more transparent light. A light suddenly engulfed him and a memory took over once again, just as he passed an old battered clinic.

 

He had been sat, uncomfortably, in a chair for several never-ending minutes as his nana explained to the woman about a series of life events that Devin had almost been in such a state that he couldn’t remember. He could see the images in his head, but they were fuzzy like a mist lingered over them, refusing to clear and refusing to let him see.

“I think there are signs...” the woman began “in Devin’s development and certainly in the events you’ve described that may exhibit forms of ADHD, attention deficit hyperactive disorder...”

His nana had been silent.

“It’s nothing to worry about Devin” she spoke softly and a tad patronisingly to him “lots of young boys and girls across the world suffer from this and some adults do too. It’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of and it would help explain a lot of the things that you’ve done in the past.”

“Hear that Devin, you aren’t alone” his nana said, he just grunted in his seat.

“According to Devin’s...actions...he appears to be inattentive and fairly impulsive too”

“What does that mean?” Devin quizzed

“It means you struggle to pay attention and focus and impulsive means you can tend to act without thinking of the outcome of your actions.”

“Oh”

“It’s a perfectly manageable condition, but it will be hard for you to get your head round at first, we can prescribe Ritalin though” the woman handed his nana a piece of paper with some scribbles on it that Devin couldn’t quite read “it’ll help reduce his hyperactive tendencies and help with the concentration too”

“Thank you, would you like to hold it Devin?” he nodded in reply to his nana and as he took it, he tried to make out the letters on the page, but they danced across his vision and were unrecognisable.

“What does it say?” he asked, more to himself than the other two

“Ah” sighed the woman

“Ah, what?”  His nana repeated, a look of concern etched upon her face.

“Well, a lot of children who have ADHD can also tend to have dyslexia too. This seems to be the case with Devin, especially when you described how he...tackles... his school work”

“Is there nothing he can take to make it better?”

“It is my belief, Ms Deangelos, that Devin was not nurtured enough by his parents and he has subsequently had breaks in his developmental gap which have led to these disorders”

“My goodness”

“It’s not something we can change, but it is something that should be embraced and that can certainly become less prominent over time and as he grows up”

Devin sat back in the squishy faux-leather chair and wondered what on earth was going on and what would change, if anything. An awful thought flowed into his mind like the way Niagara Falls cascades into the depths of whatever was below it. What if Jack left him because of this? What if that’s why he’s left for the other side of the world, to escape him?

“Nana, did Jack go because I’m not right?”

“Of course he didn’t, he would never leave you unless he had too. Darling, could you wait outside a moment?”

“Okay”

After what felt like an eternity, his nana emerged from the room

“Let’s go and pick up your prescription dear” she half-smiled, grabbing his hand tight and squeezing it with her wrinkled, but still warm one. “You have an appointment next week at a group in town”

“What’s that for?”

“It’s a special place where you’ll be able to go and meet other young people who have the same condition as you, it’s just for a few sessions so that you can hear about how other people your age cope with it and the techniques they use to better it. You may even make some friends in the process. Of course if you don’t want to continue on with it after one session then I won’t force you to go, but I thought it might be good for you to try at least.”

“Alright nana, I’ll go, I just don’t want to be alone anymore”

“You’re never alone Devin, not really”

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