Guurl, once upon a time, like, I (Rapunzel, duh) was born in this ratchet palace, with the most amazing weave in the land of Eggo Waffles (Don't ask. . .) And then, like, umm, like, there was this witch lady, and she was fangirling over my weave. I don't know really remember, 'cuz she hit me upside the head with a brick. . .but any way, I woke up in this ratchet tower.
It was naaaaasty guuurl. It had them cobwebs that got all up in my weave. Do you know how long it takes to brush dead baby spiders out of yo weave guurl? I even ripped some out on accident. Do you know how much that cost?! I got it for 97 cent from the hobo behind the gas station. It was traumatic.
And then, that troll of a witch, made me wipe her butt with mah weave. She was like, "Toilet time with my hostage!" Then she said she was gonna find more girls with not-so-ratchet weave. Like, I think she was insulting me, because I have the best weave. . .I think that brick did a lot of damage. . .
So then I was like, singing the best song in the world. It was Feed The Machine by RED.
I was traveling and on my way to the kingdom, when I heard the most beautiful voice. It was like glistering silk in the morning breeze. I think it was Amazing Grace. I sought for the angelic woman(I think), and I finally saw the tower. The tower was in the most beautiful meadow in the land, surrounded by the finest flowers and a rainbow overhead! But I must save the Damsel in distress!
(A/N: The meadow actually has dead bodies blocking the door, and everything was dead. The tower was partially crumbling and a storm was overcast. I don't know what's wrong with this prince, but he got issues. I think he fell out of a tree or something. . .)
Who's dat fool walkin' to mah tower?! He must've heard mah voice over the dead children's bodies. He yelled, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your glorious, magnificent, magical, beautiful, silky, angel soft (Toilet Paper), majestic, golden locks!"
I replied, "Boy, this is mah weave!"
He stares like an idiot. "Then let down your weave. . .?"
"Boy, do you think I am going to let my weave touch that naaaasty ground fulla dead kids?"
"Ummmm. . .I guess not?"
"Boy, don't say it like a question, you sound like that ratchet troll who lives wit meh."
"Okay. . . "
"Now you better climb dem bodies before dat troll gets back."
"Okay I'll climb the stones."
"Boy, dem ain't stones, dey bodies boy."
So the prince climbed the 'stones' and arrived at the top of the tower.
"Boy you is lookin' ratchet, and I don't think that these dead baby spiders are helpin' your cause. Now, how we gonna do dis? Is you gonna jump out da window so I can jump and land on some nice cusioning? Cuz I think all that flab will be a great landin' for mah gorgeous bod."
So den I shoved da prince out of da window.
And den I heard his screams of agony as he fell.
Den I jumped. It wasn't that bad of a landin', even tho I heard this weird crunch and the prince stopped breathing. I dunno know what happened, but I wanna frolick in da forest of the dead. I dunno how to get food, but I hear that cannibalism ain't all that bad. . .
*Munch nom nom*