Late one night there was a knock on the door. I chose to leave my warm bed and I opened the door cautiously. Niall stood outside and I saw that he had got one beer too many. Behind him I saw two girls and I knew what he wanted. I gave him his key and he smiled at me.
I nodded a little weak and I saw how the girls looked at me. It was as if I was a parasite and they didn't like my looks. Niall took up his wallet and he gave me some notes as thanks.
"Next time you set up?"
I nodded and took the money.
"Have a nice evening." I was silly of me. Niall laughed lightly.
"Thanks, you too."
He said it almost with irony in his voice.
I didn't need more than close the door before I heard the girls giggling.
"Who what she?"
Niall laughed too and took them to his door.
One girl giggled higher.
I was surprised when Niall defended me and he sounded almost annoyed at her.
"No, she's my female neighbor and she's actually normal. There's nothing wrong with her, she just don't care about fashion and things that you care about."
The door closed and they were inside his apartment. I stood there and I just gaped. I had no idea that Niall liked me? Okay that he wanted my help sometimes, but he defended me. It was as if I didn't understand that it really had happened.
A moment later I heard his bed sounded, moaning and I know what they were doing. I chose to leave my hall and went into my bedroom. In there I didn't hear what Niall did in his bed and I was relieved over the silence. I had many times heard him having sex at noon, in the afternoon, in the morning and middle of the night. I didn't think he could hold on as he did, and the risk was that he would get diseases between his legs. Still, I had many times fantasized about the topic. To be one of those whom he seduced, to feel his arms around me and his kisses on my lips. Okay, it was just a fantasy and I knew it would never happen. Still, it was tempting to imagine that it was I who lay in his bed. I could almost see before me how he kissed my skin, caressing me in the right places and how he took me by storm. One night I had dreamed that he took me. The whole day I had then been in great spirits and almost blushed when I happened to walk past him on the stairs.
In the morning, I sat in my kitchen and I ate my sandwich with egg on. I drank tea and I ate healthy cereal. It was a routine that always happen, and then I did so that everything was picked off, then I went into the shower. I chose my clothes carefully and I made sure I looked good. I worked at the library and I know that I fit into that environment. I was as dull as the books on the shelf, but I loved my work. It gave me pleasure to pick order of the books. I was in love in all the books. The books were like my children and I loved when the right person borrowed the right book. It was as if some people needed more drama, others needed more poems and there was everything to everyone's tastes. Books were even more than I was. They were perfect.
"We're having a little party at my house." my boss Agnes said and she adjusted her glasses on her nose. "Me and my husband to have a small gathering and I was wondering if you want to come?"
I hesitated. Her party were dreary. Everyone sat in their seats and talking about books. They drank tea and ate a cake that Agnes had baked. At most, her husband drank a schnapps after coffee, but that was all.
"I can't!" I lied. "My mom needs me and I have promised to came home to her."
Agnes looked disappointed, but she tried to hide it.
"Maybe next time?"
I nodded. I knew she was as lonely as I felt. She had only her husband and a few friends. They were as tedious as vacuous as an empty pads. In a way, I was angry at myself. I could have said yes and at least been joined by those a few hours. But I was so tired of my life. I never had fun and I laughed more frequently than in the past. One time I had been happy and I was like everyone else, but after realizing how wrong I was, I sank into myself. I realized it didn't matter what I did, everyone saw me as a wimp.
On the way home from work, I bought with me a sandwich, some fresh tea and then I walked through the park. It was a wonderful afternoon and I saw that everyone else felt the same. Families with children sat around the playground and the old couple were walking along the trail. It was as if life rolled on for everyone else, but I just stood still. I also wanted to be in love and not just go and daydreaming about Niall. I wanted to feel what it felt like to be loved and to feel needed. It was one of my secret dreams, because my parents thought I was happy.
I heard laughter from Nialls apartment and I heard that there were more than a few girls in there. I knew Nialls best friends was Liam, Harry, Louis and Zayn. All five were equally charming, but Niall was the worst of them all. Once Louis had jokingly tried to seduce me, but it ended with him laughed me straight in the face. Since then I despised Nialls friends. They were just as crazy as Niall and they lacked the ability to not look down on others.
I put the key in the lock and I heard that Nialls door opened.
"Want to come in?"
I spun around and I saw that Niall meant well.
Niall came out and he stood in front of me.
"I feel stupid that I never invited you. We only have a small party and you can come as you are."
I looked down at my clothes and realized I had nothing prettier to change into.
Niall sighed and smiled a little bit disappointed.
"Sally, I just want you not to think I'm using you as a floral guard."
I looked up at him.
"But I'm happy with watering your flowers?"
Harry showed up and I saw that he recognized me. I saw what he was thinking. "There she is, that ugly thing that lives next door to Niall!" He said nothing aloud.
"Niall, are you coming?"
I realized that our chat was over, but Niall gave Harry a quick glance.
"I try to persuade her to come to us."
"You mean she..." he paused and he looked at me from the bottom up. "It's okay if she will."
I shook my head quickly.
"No, I still have to go to bed."
"It's only six in the evening, you never go to bed before nine."
"How do you know?"
Niall blushed slightly and pointed to the wall.
"You hear what we do in our apartments and you showering always at nine o'clock in the evening."
I blushed and I knew that he had heard all of my bad habits, just as I had heard what he did.
"I ..." I stammered quickly. "I have to get up in the morning."
"No, you come to my party and I don't want to hear you say no."
"Come on, girl?"
For the first time in my life I went into Nialls apartment when there were people there. I had been there before, but then it had just been me. It was as if I entered a familiar environment, but at the same time was all so strange.