Full of Grace
I wake up to my door cracked only a bit open. I know that it's from dad constantly checking up on me during the night. As soon as I move the covers a bit, I can hear him approach the door.
He definitely has super sonic hearing.
He peeks his head in and smiles, but in a weird way.
"Baby, how are you?"
He sits upon my bed and nudges the covers a bit. I smile and lift them so he can lie next to me. He props his head upon hand and looks at me.
"Can we have a chat?"
I turn and copy his position "I can't see why not."
He chuckles, reaching to kiss my forehead.
"Look, baby. I know things are going to change. I know it's been a rough journey getting here, and I'm sorry I know it's my fault."
"Let me finish." He says holding up his other hand.
I nod simply look at the two tattoos on his left hand, the paper plane and my name in Hebrew. Even though his arm was almost completely filled with designs, those were always the two that stuck out to me.
"Emma, almost your entire life we've been together. I know it's been rough on you, I know you haven't been able to make friends to go to school to be a normal kid. I'm sorry, baby. And I'm sorry that things are going to change again, but Emma, my Emma full of Grace, I promise you our love for you will never change."
I smiled widely when he said 'Emma full of Grace'. He only said it a few times that I could remember. But it always made me feel like I was someone so much more than I actually was.
"Emma, are you okay?" Dad said that so differently than he always had. When he asked if I was okay, it didn't usually sound as important. It's like his life depended on it.
"Of course I am, dad don't worry about me. I'm happy."
"Emma, I know you want me not to feel bad. But baby, you need to tell me the truth okay?
"Dad, I know you don't believe me, but I'm okay. I'm happy. I'm good."
"Alright, Alright." He sits up and pushes the covers away, "I think it's time we get up and face the day."
"How's mum?" I say stretching.
"She's much better. I think she may even be able to eat breakfast this morning."
I lift my eyebrows and smile, "So pancakes?"
"Pancakes!" He says hugging me. "Get dressed and come help me, okay?"
I always blame myself for the fact that Emma didn't truly have a childhood. Although she did spend almost the entirety of her life at my side, I sometimes wonder if I had done the right thing. Moments like these for example, really make me reexamine the last eight years.
What if I had left her here with my mother, what if she had gone to preschool and kindergarten and made friends? What if she wasn't a sarcastic little bugger like her uncles, and didn't act like she was so much older than she actually was? Would she be any happier? Would we be any less of a family?
I don't know what to say to Emma to reassure her that my love for her was not going to change, quite frankly I am sick of sounding like a broken record every time we have a conversation. But how else can I make her understand?
I don't know what to do, or what to say. I just don't want to lose my Emma.
"Should we put blueberries in them today or chocolate chips?" I say as I finish preparing the batter.
Emma looks the bag of chocolate and I already know what she's going to choose, "What would mum like?"
"Edie!" I say yelling in the direction of the hallway.
"What?" She responds in annoyance, as she usually does when I yell in the house.
"Blueberries or chocolate chips?"
Emma smiles opening the bag. Both her and Edie have a great fondness for my chocolate chip pancakes.
"I heard you had a friend." I nonchalantly state as I whip the batter and Emma pours the chips in.
"Who told you?"
"A little Irish man."
She laughs, "Dad, I don't think Uncle Niall would like that very much."
"Well, it's not like he can really do anything about it, can he now? Anyways, you have a friend?"
"Yes. Her name is Janice."
"How did you and Janice become friends?"
"I asked her to be my friend."
"Wait." I say putting down the bowl and turning to look at her, "You just asked her, "Hi Janice let's be friends."
"And it worked?"
"Well, Janice didn't have any friends either."
"Ah, well, how about we invite Janice over? How do we go about this, do I call her mother or do you simply ask her and she asks her mum?"
"Dad, we're eleven. You don't need to set up a play date. I'll just ask her."
"Good, tell her to come over tomorrow, I'd like to meet her."
She smiles as she starts taking plates from the cabinet and places them upon the table.
"Edie!" I yell again.
"Harry, what did I say about yelling in the bloody house." Edie says coming into the kitchen with her hair a bit askew.
"Mum, swear jar."
"Ems, we've been over this. It doesn't count when your dad's being a pain in my arse."
Emma laughs as Edie goes over and sits at the table by the window. Still in her night gown, and looking a bit pale, Edie seems to relax the moment she hears Emma's laughter fill the kitchen.
"But, love. I just wanted to let you know breakfast was ready." I say placing the pancakes directly in front of her.
She simply looks at me and piles a few onto her plate.
"Mum, my friend Janice is coming over tomorrow."
"Oh we have a friend now do we?"
Edie turns to look at me and smiles widely, we'd been waiting for this day.
"What are we doing today?"
Dad looks at me and smiles, as mom simply giggles.
"Whatever you want Emma, today is your day."
Edie looks at Emma as she puts down her fork, "Well, before the baby comes and you start school again we want to spend as much time as possible with you. Is that okay?"
"Of course it's okay."
"Then what do you want to do?"
Emma smiles as she looks at me, "Is Uncle Niall free today as well?"