Time is going by so slowly since the last hunger games. Although, it has been a long time, as the victory tour is approaching. I don't know how it's going to work. Annie is getting worse not better. That is probably because she knows it's coming up, the idea of the tour has been stuck in the back of her mind ever since she was crowned Victor. The people seemed happy for her victory, and they seemed to admire her even though she cried through the whole thing. I had to join her on stage when they presented her with a crown as they showed a playback video which made her scream. Thankfully the audience were clapping and screaming in favour of the video as usual so no one really noticed. But I noticed that she stopped screaming as soon as I got onto stage and joined her. We have tried everything, her mother, Raff's mother, her best friend from her old school Baili, one of her cousins, but no one can help her. Somehow only me. She manages to stay calm most of the time but she has the odd sleepless night that she spends screaming. She has also started to try and block things out by covering her eyes and ears with the palms of her hands. I noticed she did it in the games when poor Raff died, that memory is what haunts her most as she saw every bit of it. It pains me to see her like that, but I will never stop trying to help her. I can't. She means everything to me and I could never let her go she is mine and I am hers, that's just how it is and I can't change that. But I don't want to change it I'm happy, I just wish she wasn't scarred for life from the games. She has physically gotten worse as she stopped eating. We manage to get her to eat small portions but she is still very thin. She keeps saying there is no point in eating because one day they will get her. I don't quite understand, but I think she means the Capitol, or the president himself, it's like she thinks she is still in the Arena. She is mostly damaged because of the death of Raff, his death made her change. But no matter how bad she gets I will always stay with her and protect her as much as I can. Because I love her.
I was worried the Capitol would lose their patience with her behaviour, even though it's down to them. President snow did pay me a visit to ensure I keep her under control, and escort her to the victory tour. It upsets me that he says 'keep her under control', as he refers to her as though she is an animal locked up for life and a threat to their system. But I know the president wants to make her seem normal to the people of Panem to avoid her from being the cause of an uprising against the Capitol. The only thing he cares about. He knows that if the people knew how bad she was they would rebel against the Capitol as they would disagree. He has managed to sell the idea to the people that 'Annie is permanently scarred after witnessing the way her district companion was killed' and 'seeing his decapitated body was just to sickening for her'. But it angers me that they refer to her that way as they are basically saying that she is crazy. But she isn't, it's their fault that Raff was killed and it's their fault every other person was killed, but no one in the Capitol thinks it's bad to send 23 youngsters to their death every year. I wish I could say I know how she feels, but I can't. The year I won, I saw people die right before my eyes, but it didn't matter to me, I didn't care because I went into the games alone so I didn't lose anyone. I hate thinking that but it's true. I put myself as my main priority in the games the year I won, I had no choice not to. The only person I had that really cared about me was Mags, and she was the only person that I cared about. I see her as a mother, she's raised me since the games. I don't think I could have won without her. She has also been helping Annie, she cooks her meals most nights. Annie's mother is badly depressed, she needs as much care as Annie, she can't look after Annie it's like she's unstable. I suppose Annie isn't the only one that got scarred from the 70th hunger games. It's two days until the tour begins. I hope she can get through it, I will do anything I can to help her.
I get up and get dressed. I suspect my Father will be drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor as usual. I decide not to check on him. I never speak to him anyway. I just have to put up with living with him. I follow my usual routine, which is firstly to go fishing in the sea bellow the markets. I don't have to do it, together we have more money than we could ever need, but I prefer it this way, the sea has some sort of power that manages to make you forget about everything. As it's early the sun is still rising above the water. I have often brought Annie here. She always says it reminds her of reaping day, although she still manages to bare being here. It sometimes makes me wonder what she was like before I met her, I knew her at school but not my name. Part of me wishes I knew her properly then, we could have had so much time together before the games and before everything changed. After I collect many fish on my trident net them, I donate the majority of them to the people, to sell in the markets. They need the money more than me. I then go and drop one of at Mags' house next to mine. She is very grateful and kisses my forehead. Next and most important thing to do is go and see Annie. I don't need to knock the door anymore, I live half my life there. I walk through and see her mother asleep on the armchair in the main room. I don't see Annie anywhere, I suspect she's upstairs. I walk up the stairs, I check her bedroom first as I'm guessing she hasn't got up yet. 'Annie?' I say walking through the doorway. Her bed has either been made or she hasn't slept in the sheets. There is a tray of food on the nightstand that has been repeatedly chopped up and scraped to the side of the plate to make it look like it's been eaten. I thought she was getting better at eating obviously she's getting worse. I see no sign of her so I walk down to the other two bedrooms, that's when I hear trickling water. I go straight to the bathroom and the door is slightly open. I walk in and see the shower running. There she is fully clothed, sitting on the shower floor, with the water running on her. 'Annie' I say. She manages to look up, the look on her face is heartbreaking, like she doesn't know why she is there, but something must have happened to remind her why she's upset. 'Finnick?' She says quietly. I turn the water off and wrap a large towel around her shoulders. 'Its ok, your ok' I say. She holds my arm tight and puts her head to my chest as though she thinks I'm about to leave. 'Please' she says.
'Annie I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, ok?' I say.
'Ok' she says. I stand up and offer her my hand to get up. I wrap my arm around her and kiss her cheek. When I think she is ok again I walk with her back to her room. She sits on the corner of her bed and dries herself off with the towel and rinses the water out of her hair. I grab some clean clothes for her, and she gets dressed. Once she is ready we go downstairs and I get her too eat an apple and have a glass of water. While she is eating I check on her mother. She is still asleep in the chair, I bring her a glass of water and pull a blanket over her. I go back to Annie and I am pleased when I see she has eaten the majority of the apple.
'Mother is she?' She says.
'Yeah she's fine' I say.
'Thank you' she says. I'm unsure why she is saying thankyou but I smile anyway, because she wasn't like that after the games she didn't talk for days, part of her old self is returning. 'Come on, let's go' I say.
'What no where!?' She says raising her voice. I can tell she is scared from the look on her face. I guess she thinks I'm taking her to the tour. 'We are just going for a walk ok? It's fine, everything is fine' I say. She takes a deep breath and I take her hand. We take a walk along the sea markets. Seeing the people work and socialise makes her feel better as it's an entirely different world to the Capitol.