I quickly sat up feeling so guilty at what I just did. I looked at the clock that said 4:17 A.M. I bit my lip at the sight of Luke laying next to me half naked and breathing deeply after what just happened. I quickly covered myself and grabbed the clothes I had been wearing before and ran into the bathroom.
"You okay?" Luke called out from the other side of the bathroom door.
I dressed myself as if I was in a rush. I felt so horrible. I felt like I was no better than Michael. I felt so stupid. who was I kidding? I still loved Michael to death. Why? Hoe could I still love him this much after what he did to me? I hated the very thought of him but loved the idea of him wrapping his arms around me and kissing me on the forehead like he did.
I felt a harsh burning and my throat. I wanted to cry. I couldn't. All I knew was I had to get out of here. I opened the door and Luke was standing over me looking down at me with such worried yet loving eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asked referring to my expression.
I tried to swallow but my throat felt like it was swollen. I looked down at my painted toes and then back up at Luke. I nearly had a heart attack looking back up at him. He was literally the splitting image of Jerod. He looked nothing like him but The feeling and the way he looked at me. He was Jerod. He...he was my safe place.
"I-I-" I couldn't even speak. I wanted him to just wrap his arms around me and tell me everything will be alright. Like Jerod used to...
"Christina." He said in such a soft deep voice. "You don't have to go. Your okay. I promise."
I broke away from his eyes. I couldn't look at him. It hurt even more to see him as Jerod. It killed me inside. I shook my head. "I can't do this." I whispered as tears began pouring down my face.
"Do what? Christina Everything is going to be alright I promise."
I looked up at him. "I'm tired... I just want to sleep and just- that's it." I was just so tired. Physically and emotionally.
He nodded. You can sleep in my room.
I nodded. "Thank you." I said softly.
I slowly went up the steps and once I finally reached the bedroom I just crawled into bed and closed my eyes. I needed someone to just lay next to me and hold me. No Michael nor Charlotte, nor Luke. I needed my Jerbear.
I crawled into Jerods bed. I wanted to just sleep away all my problems and have life pass me by. I didn't want anyone near me unless it was Jer. I was hurting and wanted everything to just go away. I desrroyed myself. Looking at myself in the mirror earlier crushed me completely. I looked dead. The circles under my eyes were darker than the midnight sky. I wasn't the beautiful girl I was before. I was broken. I needed someone to be there next to me and hold me. I needed my Jerbear.
I heard voices downstairs talking to one another. One was high pitched and sweet and motherly. It was Jerod's mom. The other was deep and so loving. That was Jerod's dad. And the last voice was deep and raspy. It had a sense of worry as it spoke. Now that was Jerod's. The voices stopped. Suddenly I heard footsteps going up the steps and stopped as soon as they reached the bedroom door. The door slowly creaked open and shut quietly. The footsteps then made there way to the bedside and crawled into bed. I felt a warm hand fall onto mine and cupped over it. The other hand slid its way under me and wrapped around my waist and held me this way. Then a warm cheek was pressed against mine and stayed there. I felt so loved and more alive.
"Everything is going to be alright." Jerod finally said.
A tear shed out of my right eye and fell onto the pillow making a small pool.
I sniffled and managed a small grin.
"Thank you." I said.
Suddenly I heard footsteps going up the steps and stopped as soon as they reached the bedroom door. The door slowly creaked open and shut quietly. The footsteps then made there way to the bedside and crawled into bed.
I felt that same warm hand place itself on top of mine and cupped it. This sent chills down my spine. then the other hand found its way under me and wrapped around my waist and held me this way. I waited for the same warm cheek to press against mine. Once it did I shut my eyes and took a moment to appreciate this same loving memory.
I opened my eyes once again and stared out into the dark room.
"Everything is going to be alright." He finally said.
A tear shed from my right eyes and once it hit the pillow it make a small pool. I sniffled and grinned. "Thank you." I breathed out.
He pulled me closer to him and held me close. I felt love for this boy more then I felt for Michael In all one year. He was my living memory of Jer. I needed him.