4. I Can't
~~The entire drive back to Katie's I stared out the window. The girls chattering happily about the fantastic night. Occasionally bringing up the fact that I kissed an 18 year old boy.
Yeah, an 18 year old boy that when he went to school with me, had the same classes as me... that boy didn't even know my name. Didn't even know I existed.
As soon as we got back I grabbed my iPod and went on messages. I quickly messaged Leo.
"Hey I'm back :)"
"Hey :)" I receive moments later.
"I missed you... :$" I send blushing madly.
"I missed you to ;)"
We talked for hours, the alcohol still buzzing high in my system. More drinks being made as we sit and talk.
"I love you." I receive. Tears welling up in my eyes.
"Awe.. I love you to :*" I send back. I look down at my drink in my hands... I can't drink anymore... I can't put anymore into my body. For Leo, and for me.
The next morning I wake up at 7, two hours of sleep. My mind still haywire from last night. The guilt of kissing Cameron eating away at me. And the love that Leo proclaimed shining brightly in my smile. Only Leo makes me smile like this. I grab my iPod off of the charger. I walk up the stairs while everyone is asleep. I sit at the table and look through the messages from last night. I notice a message that I didn't respond to.
"Ani, I love you so much, I know how hard it is because we can't see each other. It's to hard to handle. Other boys kissing you, wanting to be with you. You deserve someone who can be there for you. I love you but I can't go on living like this. I'm going to commit. I love you so much, don't forget me."
I look at the time it was sent. 6:30... only a half hour!
"Leo, please! I love you so much, I deserve no one but you, please don't leave me, you are everything I have ever dreamed and wanted in my life, you are my everything. I know it's hard but I can only promise it will be worth it. Please. I love you Leo... :'( please....." I sent back, tears of pure hurt and pain falling unregretably down my face. I can't lose him! I just can't!