Regret Nothing

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  • Published: 5 Jul 2014
  • Updated: 5 Jul 2014
  • Status: Complete
Poppy has the college under her feet, laughs with her two best friends who happen to be going out and has a boyfriend who she trusts. Or so she thought. When she gets slapped with information that ruins their relationship, she is determined to show that she can move on.

With a plan to romance the nerd of the college to get back at her ex, not everything goes to plan.

A/N - I wrote this a while back and haven't gone back over it in a while now. It'll have some rough batches, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

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6. Monday 14th October 2013

Me and Ben find ourselves meeting each other more regularly. It’s become a weekly routine that we meet in the deserted library at the end of the day to discuss what’s happened in our separate social rings. Talking casually about everything. It’s quite comforting. The more he tells me about his life, the more I seem to accept his appearance and habits. Everything just seems to be washed over.

He used to live in America for two years with his mum and dad.  But when his parents split, he and his mum moved over to the UK. From what he’s said he adores his mum and his dad is, quote, ‘a dickhead.’ He makes lame science jokes whenever he’s nervous or if there’s an awkward silence. He’s only had one girlfriend, Lucette, who he’s still with. He calls her Luc because of some joke about luck at a fun fair, something about winning bets. They have only had one huge argument since they started dating.

He seems to be making an excuse to touch me: a brush of a leg, arm sometimes hand. I get tiny shocks sent through my body every time he does. My body part is left tingling a while after too. Something is stirring.

We finished a bit later than usual today; we had our far share of ranting time. I open my front door home, there’s a rattling noise coming from the kitchen, the hallways stinks of cleaning chemicals. I walk through to find my mum emptying the cupboards and rearranging the tinned content.

“Oh, hi honey! I didn’t hear you come in,” She smiles, turning round to face me, holding up her yellow gloved hands. “You’re back later than normal; did you pick up an extra activity whilst I was away?”

“Yeah, um, I picked up an extra hour of tutoring,” I pause to scan the room. I wonder when my mum got back. She isn’t supposed to be back for another two months. “Err, we weren’t expecting you to be back so soon. When did you get back?”

“Oh, I just couldn’t stand to be away from my baby for so long,” she chirps, walking closer to me, her hazelnut collectively sitting on her head as a bun, her eyes not reflecting the false expression that she’s lying out before me. “I thought I’d surprise you and your father and return home early. You obviously didn’t do any house chores whilst I was away so I was just trying to do some before either of you returned.”

My dad did the house chores just yesterday. I tidied my room yesterday too. Before we left the house this morning, it was all gleaming. I bite my lip. 

She holds out her arms waiting for my embrace. She does that thing where she puts her hand on my head, pushing it to her chest and squeezes me tightly. First thing you should know about my mum is that she is not a hugger. She isn’t much of a ‘physical’ person. If she touches me it’s to sort out my clothing positioning on my body. I can’t even remember the last time she gave me a proper hug.  She rests her head on mine and strokes my hair. We are silent for a few minutes before she starts to sniff and shake.

“Mum, are you ok? Did something happen in Japan?” I pull back, as she quickly brushes her hands across her face, trying to wipe away the suddenly falling tears, “Mum, what is it?” I say softly.

The door bangs and in my mum’s fragile state she jumps. My dad’s home. He’ll know what to do. In a blink, he’s at mum’s side in a magnetic speed. He’s holding her, her head now on his shoulder, her hands still covering her face. He starts to whisper into her ear, but it’s so quiet I can’t sound out what he’s saying. I’m frozen on the spot. What’s happening? Tears threaten to fall from my eyes at the sight before me. I don’t even know what’s happening but it’s tearing me up just seeing my mum like this.

“Pops, can you go to your room for a bit?” my dad whispers to me, I almost miss him because he’s so quiet, “Let me talk to your mother.”

I nod and silently walk to my room. Her cries become a muffled sniffs after a while and I can hear my dad’s low voice soothing her.

A tear fall as I reach my bedroom and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. That fact that I’ve never seen my mum cry makes this whole situation ten times worse. I always admired my mum for her strength. She made herself more than acceptable even when something terrible clouded her mind. She was never anyone who cried. She told me that she cried so much when she was younger she didn’t have any tears left to shed. Now that she’s downstairs crying. I don’t even know what to do.

Flopping onto my bed, I open my laptop to find a distraction. I stare at the blank page in front of me contemplating what to do.

Definitely not in the mood for homework.

 I blast Fall Out Boy out of my laptop to drown my thoughts of downstairs and grab my phone.

“We just saw each other about, thirty minutes ago, what did I forget to teach you?”

 “I just thought we could talk,” I roll onto my back, my head hitting my pillow, “I dunno. I just wasn’t in the mood to do any work and just, wanted to talk.”

“Can’t get enough of me, huh? And what sort of tutor would I be to discourage my student to not do her homework?” I hear his smile as he replies.

“Ben, come on,” I laugh back, “since when do we even get through a whole hour without procrastinating?”

I hear a banging noise from Ben’s side.

“Um, Ben, what’s going on over there?”

“Oh, it’s just my brother. He’s decided he wants to be a rock star and tour with Hannah Montana. He’s practicing until then.”

“He does know that Hannah Montana has ended right?” I laugh, “Miley Cyrus isn’t going back to that gig again.”

“I know, but I don’t want to crush his dreams. You just have to let them branch out. He’s young, he’ll grow out of it.”

 “What’s it like to have a sibling?” I smile.

Siblings. Both younger than me.” He sighs, “I don’t know. It’s exhausting but rewarding.”

“That is so cliché.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he chuckles, “But it’s true. They’re great. You’re never alone. When your upset you have someone to cheer you up.”

My mum. Should I go down to cheer her up? My dad sent me upstairs but maybe I’m supposed to go against it?

“Poppy? You still there?”

“Yeah, I’m still here.” I take a deep breath, debating what to tell him, “I just needed a distraction from something and you said something that brought those thoughts back to the surface.”

“Ah, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I think I need to go anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yep, you sure will, see ya around Poppy.”

I hang up before saying a reply, my head already in complete meltdown to the situation that is happening downstairs. As I tiptoe my way downstairs, it’s almost as if nothing has happened. My mum is sitting by the circular dinner table with a glass of red wine whilst my dad’s stirring, what smells like chilli con-carni on the stove. I stand at the doorway not really sure what my next move should be.

“Honey, come sit with down. Me and your father have something to tell you.” My mum says sternly, her hard exterior back in play again. Her eyes aren’t red and puffed and she’s straightened out her clothing again. The previous forty minutes were apparently now non-existent.

I take a seat next to my mum. She gulps the remaining of the wine in the glass before allowing a smile show. I gulp.

“I’ve had to give up PoppyLillies. The company was already in debt and Japan was my last trick, but it didn’t plan out the way I had hoped. I spoke to your father before my return to tell him the news and I’ve closed down my business.”

Rip it off like a plaster. I think I need a drink now.

“I stupidly took out a huge loan before going to Japan.” She grabs the bottle of wine and slowly tops up her glass whilst speaking, “I was being optimistic, a little too optimistic.” She puts the bottle down and looks at me, “We have to sell the house Poppy.”

Come again?

“ – it’s not ideal obviously especially because you are in the final year of college but it’s our only option. We’ve already found a little home an hour away from the college, which isn’t ideal but it’s the best we could find with the money that we have. I’m going to find another job though Poppy, so don’t worry. Your father spoke to his company and they’re going to work something out. We’ve already made action. You don’t need to worry, ok?”

It’s as if someone pressed the slow mo button. Debt. Moving. Worry. How can I NOT worry? My dad has found his place behind my mum, his hand slowly rubbing her shoulder. I find my feet taking me out of the kitchen.

“Give her time to take in what you’ve said.” I hear my dad say.

Damn right give me time to think about what you just told me! How could they? They’re tearing me out of my home! How could my mum be so stupid? As soon as I reach my bedroom, I slam my door shut.

They are tearing me from my home! The place that holds all the memories. My walls painted yellow from when I was ten, my mum said it was a true reflection of my personality: Golden perfection. Posters and photos of me, Mel and Max cover one side of my wall by my bed, it’s an age timeline. Then there’s the usual, wardrobe stuffed with skater dresses and every piece of PoppyLillies clothing, draws packed MAC and a desk and chair. My room is the biggest in the house. Bet the house is only half the amount that my mum and dad are going to sell.

I rip open my wardrobe and start to toss every PoppyLillies labelled piece of clothing.

How can my mum even think she could do this to me? How?

As I sort through my wardrobe I realise that basically its whole contents is labelled with the now worthless PoppyLillies!

I bend down scooping the pile up but trip on my used to be favourite turquoise dress still on the floor.

“Argh!” Ripping it off the floor with already packed hands.

 “TAKE IT BACK MOTHER! IT’S ALL WORTHLESS NOW!” I scream, throwing it over the banister onto the stairs, slamming my door behind me and collapsing onto my bed. 

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