Yours Infinitely~ hs

He signed every letter with 'Yours Infinitely' because even though she was deceased, he would belong to her forever.

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3. letter #2

Dear Lil,

Okay, so I don't really know what to say right now. Excuse any smears, my eyes are currently watering. I just

Do you remember that one night we fought? Like we had a major arguement? It was so bad, we almost broke up. I told you that you were a fucking freak who is so damn blind to everything that you couldn't see how much I try doing shit for you. I told you that you were holding back on me and weren't giving me all the love you should have. It wasn't because you were shy anymore, I told you that you just didn't love me. I was so pissed off and out of control. Do you remember when I broke your small glass figurine of a fish your dad had given to you when he went on a business trip to Italy and had gone to Venice? Later you found out that your dad's 'business trips' was code for him cheating on your mom.

Anyways, I remember so clearly what you said to me and what I said .

"I hate you Harry! How, no why would you do something like that? You're so fucking selfish! You only think about yourself and what you want. If you love me so much, how come you never ask what I want? Maybe I don't want to go out with you and your friends every damn time. Maybe I don't want to clean up after you every weekend because that's my time off from work. I fucking hate you! You obviously don't realize what you are doing because your mind is so clouded by your conceited thoughts! You not only broke my favorite fish into a million piceces and shattered it across the wall and floor, but my heart, too."

"This isn't my fault! You always blame shit on me! Look in the damn mirror, Lily! You aren't so perfect either! You're not a fucking saint or Virgin Mary! You have your own flaws, too."

"So? At least I tried seeing past yours! I stayed with you because I loved you Harry. I just don't think you love me."

"Of course I love you! I love you so much, Lily. You're overreacting about something so damn stupid."

"So forgetting to pick me up from work for the eighth time in two weeks is stupid? Making me find my way home is stupid?"

"Yelling at me like this is stupid!"

"I swear to god, you never grew up. I can't do this anymore, Harry."

"Fighting? Neither can I. So will you stop getting on my ass about every damn little thing? I said I was sorry and I won't do it again. I got caught up with Derrick and the guys. I promise I'll pick you up next week."

"That's what you said the last seven times! This is ridiculous."

"You're ridiculous!"

"Really, Harry? So am I ridiculous for leaving? I'm going to my parents' house for the night."

"Fine, go! Go cry to your mommy and daddy like a little girl. You're the one who needs to grow up."

"I will!"

I know I was very, very cruel to you and it still hurts me to this day that I was such an asshole to you. I treated you like crap, yet you took it for some strange reason. You eventually came back home because you needed some more clothes and you were tired of your mom's questions. We made up and everything was as fine as fine could be.

My eyes are just watering- no, I'm crying because I remember all the times you should've broken up with me and left me, but you came back and you stayed because you loved me. I put you through hell, but you said I was the closest taste to heaven on this earth you would ever get.

I just hate myselt for being like that. You deserved so much better, Lily. I was the one who was really blind because I couldn't see that I had the best thing in front of me. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. It's so true, Lily, it's so true. And what sucks is that I'll never get you back. I never had the chance to give you the world like you deserved, and now I'll never be able to.

I'm never going to see you again and I think you're the selfish one now. You left before I could prove myself. You just left me, Lily. Why did you leave me? Why couldn't we spend forever together? Lily, I realize now. I care and I'm so sorry. I need you. I need you like, like the fish need water; like the plants need light; like people need oxygen; I just need you.

 

Signed,

Yours Infinitely.

P.S.

I love you. I didn't forget, I promise.

++

Harry stared at his notebook with his pen still in his hand. He stopped trying to wipe away the tears because more kept falling and it was becoming pointless. When the words started to look like letters on the page, he closed the book and threw it on the opposite end of his couch. He clicked his pen in a manner that would annoy most people as his emotions calmed like the ocean waters after a storm. He was okay, he told himself. She's okay, he told himself. Well, he hoped she was okay. He never really understood death and Lily's didn't help him much. He only wondered if she could still love him. Love never dies, right? He figured it did when the person dies. How can you love if you're dead?

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