Rouge Toons

In this action comedy spoofing James Bond, Iron Man, Game of Thrones and 'Frozen (2013) among others, Hamton J. Pig, Rita and Runt must team with a beautiful yet mysterious pig in order to save their co-stars and the world from an evil magic...

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11. A Cat's Cunning Plan

An hour has passed since Big Nellie took off from Africa. Kool and the Gang’s Celebration took over the longue as the bad guys and their ‘soldiers’ were partying. Even Monty was celebrating as he had two of his robots were flying in the cockpit.
   Near Hamton were his best buddies: Plucky Duck, Buster Bunny and Babs Bunny.
   “Guys, do you remember who I am?” asked Hamton.
   “Oh, we remember,” said Buster.
   “I see you haven’t changed a bit,” said Babs.
   Hamton viewed that as a compliment.
   “You’re still the useless, unfunny, boring pig!” Then Babs laughed nastily.
   “Yeah, you’re as exciting as the non-exploding pens we had back at school!” Plucky laughed.

    Then Hamton noticed the love of his life, Fifi La Fume, approaching him. “Fifi?” he called. “Fifi!”
   The beautiful skunk finally looked at him.
   “You know me, don’t you?” Hamton asked.
   “Oui,” replied Fifi. “You’re the overweight pig whom I used to go out with only because no one else would!” Then she walked off, leaving her scent.
   Rita turned to the upset Hamton, who was nearly about to burst into tears.
   “Don’t get upset, Hamton,” Rita whispered to him. “Your friends are not themselves, remember? You are not what they say.”
   “Yeah, we’ll help them,” Rond whispered. “If we can get out, that is. Where is J.A.N.Y.I.S. when you need her?”
   Then she noticed Rita had her head over her P.E.E.L.E.D. collar and was moving her mouth. So did Shirley the Loon, who grabbed her head.
   “Like, what do you think you’re doing?” Shirley snapped at Rita, pointing at her.
   In face of Shirley’s red electricity lightning finger, Rita just smiled. “This is my stop.”
   “Like, what are you – ”
   “Ciao!” And Rita slipped down.
   “What’s going on?” yelled Snarls.
   Everyone saw a big hole in the floor where Rita’s seat used to be.
   “What’s happening?”
   Everyone turned around to see Hamton falling down, followed by Runt.
   Snarls, Odd-Blob and Goldfeather turned to Rond, whose seat was still there. “Is there a problem, Captains?”
   “Whatever it is you’re doing, Rond, stop!” sneered Snarls, as she grabbed Rond by the ear.
   “I’m not doing anything, Snarls,” said Rond. “And if the orbs in the cupboards have fallen out, it’s not my fault.”
   “What?”
   The Tough Girls went over to cupboard at the other side and opened it. They were shocked to find it empty and a big hole at the bottom.
   “The Orbs!” cried Odd-Blob. “They’ve fallen out!”
   “Tell me something I don’t know!” Snarls snapped.
   “Like Rond is falling out now?” asked Goldfeather.
   “Yes, like Rond is – ” Then Snarls realised what she said. “Rond is what?”
   The Tough Girls turned around to see Rond sinking into the floor. “Bye bye.” Then she was gone.


As she flew down, Rond saw that she was heading out for the open sea. She was glad to be away from the bad guys in Big Nellie, but she was still tied up to her chair and she didn’t know how to free herself if she landed in the sea.
   Rond closed eyes for a big splash. She should have hit the water ten seconds ago, but she didn’t. She opened her eyes and saw that her chair was on a plank… on a boat. Not a big boat, more like speedboat size.
   Then Hamton and Runt dragged Rond’s chair onto the boat and Rond was free from the ropes of her chair. She got up and saw Rita next to her.
   “Thanks for cutting the ropes, Rita,” said Rond. “Was it also you managed to get us off Big Nellie?”
   “And J.A.N.Y.I.S.,” said Rita, holding her collar with had a crystal in the middle.
   Rond held up the crystal. “J.A.N.Y.I.S.?”
   “Hello, ma’am,” said J.A.N.Y.I.S.’s voice.
   Rond looked back at Rita. “Care to explain how you did it?”
   “Flashback paragraph, coming up,” said Rita.


After Rita and Runt’s argument, the cat could hear something coming. Rond and Hamton were not with them and she tried to think what Rond would do in a situation.
Then she had an idea.
   “Either come inside or prepare to get crushed,” Rita yelled to Runt, as she made her way up the ramp. “Your choice, I don’t care anymore.”
   Runt stayed outside for a little bit. Then he heard the charging sound coming from the nearby trees. Then he saw Snarls, Goldfeather, Odd-Blob and their armies coming to them. “Uh, oh,” he said. “Trouble. Definitely trouble.”
   He ran up the ramp and bumped into Rita.
   The cat picked herself up. “J.A.N.Y.I.S.?”
   “Yes, ma’am?”
   “We got company and Rond and Hamton aren’t back yet so here’s what I’m thinking…” Rita told J.A.N.Y.I.S. her plan of securing the orbs in the cupboard and ready for jettisoning before the bad guys could take them and securing herself into the digital crystal-like thing on her P.E.E.L.E.D. collar and arranging a speedboat from P.E.E.L.E.D. to be sent out in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea in case they had to escape the bad guys. Luckily, J.A.N.Y.I.S. agreed with her.
   Then the Tough Girls and their armies stormed into Big Nellie just like Rita predicted. She made Runt and herself surrender to them. They tied them up to the chairs and tried to get the orbs out of the cupboard but they couldn’t.
   They asked Rita why they can’t get the orbs out and the cat wittily lied that it was only Rond who could get them out of the cupboard. Luckily, the bad guys, buying her lies, decided to wait until Rond got back and was unaware of J.A.N.Y.I.S. on Rita’s collar.

  

“Then you and Hamton came in with third orb,” said Rita. “And you know what happened.”
   “Good job, Rita,” Rond said, stroking her head. “Good job.”
   “Well, someone said, ‘You have to make your decisions as you go along’.”
   Rond smiled.

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