Rouge Toons

In this action comedy spoofing James Bond, Iron Man, Game of Thrones and 'Frozen (2013) among others, Hamton J. Pig, Rita and Runt must team with a beautiful yet mysterious pig in order to save their co-stars and the world from an evil magic...

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1. Toonraker

“It’s about time I was given a chance to give an introduction!” Daffy Duck yelled throughout the sound stage. “Soon, the audience will realise that rabbit is not the only one who can give great introductions, you know! They’ll see that some fresh new talent can – ”
 “Mr. Duck?” whispered the cameraman.
 “WHAT!” Daffy yelled.
 “We’re rolling.”
 Daffy’s angry face fell as he faced the camera. Then he smiled sheepishly as he sat in the chair. “Greeting, friends,” he said. “And welcome to Rouge Toons, the story all about how I’m gonna retire from Warner Bros. studios.” Then he realised what he said as he looked at the words he was reading on the screen. “What? Who wrote those words? I demand to know!”
 Then he and his chair flipped.
“Eh, what’s up, doc?” asked Bugs Bunny, as he climbed out of the hole from the floor.
 “Did you write this, rabbit?” Daffy demanded, pointing to the screen.
 “What’s wrong with it?” asked Bugs.
 “You’re despicable.”
 “Well, the next paragraph dis batter,” said Bugs.
“Okay.” Daffy faced the camera and smiled again. “As I was sayin’, this is a story full of comedy, action, thrills and me flying south for the winter. What? South? Winter? It’s the middle of July!” Then the angry duck turned to a snickering Bugs. “You’re not tryin’ to get me fired, are ya?”
 “Keep on readin’,” said Bugs. “It gets batter.”
 “Okay,” said Daffy. Then he faced the camera. “In this story, it’s going to involve me in it.” He smiled happily. “Hey, now this is more like it. For my part, I am going to volunteer myself to be a roasted duck for a big family dinner. WHAT!”
Then he turned angrily to Bugs.
“Ain’t I a stinker!” the wise-cracking rabbit chuckled.
“You certainly are!” snapped Daffy, as he slowly and coldly walked to Bugs. “And here comes the soap to clean you up!”
“You do realise that this means war!” warned Bugs.
But the duck dived for him and the boys started to fight.
 As the boys fought and fought in the background, Lola Bunny, wearing a red dress, got in front of the camera.
“Hi, everyone,” she greeted. “I’m Lola Bunny and, as our boys are busy fighting, I’m here to take over the job of narrating Rogue Toons. They story began in space…”


Silence. That’s all the whole universe seemed to have. Nothing but silence, white stars and exploding bubbles.
Wait! Exploding bubbles?
The universe did have exploding green bubbles! And they were heading for Earth!
 The bubbles were coming from the bottle neck of a giant metal bottle-shaped space ship.
 Step inside the ship and it would look boring. Despite the colourfulness and the large space to work in, all that anyone would see would be bottles everywhere. Bottle-shape knobs and bottle-shaped levers and bottle-shaped everything. Even the aliens maintaining the ship were all bottle-shaped.
 They all had caps on the top of their heads, as well as two eyes, two arms, two legs and a mouth. 
 “Captain Cap?” called a bottle alien, who was observing the radar on the bridge.
 “What is it, private?” asked Captain Cap, as he walked to the radar.
 “It’s not private, sir,” said the radar technician. “It’s a space shuttle coming from Earth.”
Cap saw that on the radar that the bottle technician was right: a space shuttle coming from Earth was approaching the Giant Bottle Ship.
Then the giant screen behind them turned on. The aliens turned around.
“Greetings, bottle aliens,” said Buster Bunny. “This is Captain Buster Bunny of Toonraker. Who are you and what do you want?”
 “I am Captain Cap,” replied Cap. “My army and I have fled the Galactic Bottle Empire and intend to build our own empire with your planet as my throne.”
 Babs Bunny appeared next to Buster. “Earth is too full of people,” she said. “Have you tried the free planets, like Uranus, Venus, Neptune, Saturn, Jupiter, Pluto, Mercury and – ”
 Buster pushed Babs away.
 “And here is a little peace-offering present for you,” said Cap, as he sat in his chair and pressed a button on the right arm.


“Get ready, guys!” ordered Buster.
 “For the pressies?” cried Plucky Duck. “Yippee!”
 “Lieutenant Plucky,” said Buster. “These presents – ”
 “Are for us and they’re coming!” cried Plucky.
 “They’re also exploding bubbles and they’re aiming for us!” snapped Buster.
“Yeah, remember what Acme Loo taught us about accepting gifts from the enemies?” asked Babs. “That they’re all a disguise to fool you.”
Then Plucky’s eyes opened wildly. “Oh, yeah,” he said slowly.
 KA-BOOM!
 “What? What’s happening?” asked Plucky.
 “The ship’s arms are popping the bubbles easily,” reported Hamton J. Pig.
 Outside, Toonraker had two mechanical arms on each side. Both of them reached out for each and every bubble and popped it.
 “Well done, Sergeant Hamton,” said Buster. “Keep up the good work.”


Cap screamed in anger as he watched Toonraker’s successful attempt at popping the bubbles. Then he had an evil idea. He walked to the aft side of his ship where he pulled down a giant lever.


“Captain Buster,” reported Plucky. “We have a problem.”
 “What is it?” asked Buster. Then he saw a bigger swarm of giant golden bubbles aiming towards them. Hamton tried to pop as many bubbles as he could, but –
 BOOM!
 Outside, the burnt-up mechanical arms were floating away from Toonraker.
 “Like, what do we do know?” asked Shirley the Loon.
 All the toons began to think.
 “I know!” cried Babs.
 “What?” asked Buster. Then his best friend whispered something into his ear and he liked it. “It’s so crazy, it might just work!”
 “What will work?” asked Plucky.
 “Thank you for volunteering, Plucky,” said Buster.
 “Volunteering for what?” asked the curious duck, as he followed the bunnies. They each went into a metal door.
 “Okay, Calamity,” Buster called through the door. “We’re ready!”
 Calamity Coyote pulled down a lever,
 

On the outside of Toonraker, three holes opened.
 “And just how, may I ask, are we going to get to the bottle ship?” Plucky asked.
 “We’re space jumping,” replied Buster.
 “Like in J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek movies,” added Babs
 Soon, Buster, Babs and Plucky in their spacesuits and helmets shot out like a cannon.
 “Wow!” Buster cried happily. “This is so cool!”
 “Whee!”
 Buster looked to see Babs spinning around him like she was an out-of-control kite.
 “Show off,” he muttered.
 “Whoa!” cried Plucky. He was flying around, too, but he was in less control than Babs. “How do you steer this thing?”
 “Don’t lose control, Plucky,” said Buster. “We need to get to the bottle ship as soon as possible.” Then he looked up and gasped. “Babs, ten o’clock!”
 Babs looked at her watch. “Why, what happens at ten o’clock?”
 “You’re going to get hit by an exploding bubble!”
 Babs quickly turned around and saw the bubble coming towards her. Then the bubble got closer and – KA-BOOM!
 “BABS!” cried Buster.
 Then he saw Babs’s body falling towards him. He caught her and looked at her unconscious.
 “Babs?” Buster started to shake her.
 “Stop it, Buster,” muttered Babs. “You’re giving me a headache.”
 Buster let go and was happy that Babs was alive and well. “Be careful next time with those bubbles next time,” he told them.
 “I was careful,” said Babs. “I pulled a trick.”
 “Care to share that trick?” asked Plucky. “More bubbles are approaching me!”
 “Look in your pockets,” said Babs.
 They all reached into their pockets and pulled out a handful of short straws.
 “Throw one each at a time to pop them,” went on Babs.
 Plucky got out his straws and throw one at the nearest bubble to him. “It works!” he cried. “Glad I thought of it!”
 The bunnies just shook their heads at Plucky’s arrogance and kept on throwing straws at the bubbles. The more they threw, the closer they got to the bottle ship.
 “Just how are we going to get in?” asked Babs.
 They all looked around.
 “There!” Buster cried, pointing to a hole on the top of the ship. “Head for that hole!”
 So they did. Buster went in first, followed by Babs and finally Plucky. They were finally in the ship.
 As they took their helmets off, something else took over their heads – and their whole bodies. It was a giant bottle. They were all each bottled up in a bottle by evil-grinning bottle aliens. 
 “Let me out!” yelled Plucky. “Let me out!”
  “Cut it out, Plucky,” said Buster. “It won’t do any good.”
 “I may be bottled up,” said Plucky, “but my feelings don’t have to be.” Then he turned back to the aliens. “Get me out of here!”


Soon, the imprisoned Toons were escorted to the bridge where Cap and his crew were waiting for them.
 “Release them,” he ordered to the bottle guards.
 The bottle guards unscrewed the bottle caps off and poured Buster, Babs and Plucky out.
 “Welcome, Earthlings,” said Cap. “You’re just in time to witness the destruction of your planet.”
 The three toons were slammed to the window. They watched the giant golden bubbles heading towards Earth.
 “Guys, I have a plan,” whispered Buster. Then he started to whisper into his friends’ ears before they were quickly pulled away.
 “What are you guys whispering about?” demanded one of the guards.
 Babs and Plucky looked at Buster.
 “Well,” said Buster. “Since we have no choice but to surrender, we would like to offer you a gift.”
 “WHAT!” cried Babs and Plucky.
 “To show that there are no hard feelings,” said Buster.
 “Let’s see it,” demanded Captain Cap.
 “You’ll have to take your caps off, though,” went on Buster.
 The bottle aliens looked at him suspiciously.
 “Otherwise this gift won’t be awesome.”
 “Take them off,” Cap said.
 The aliens took their caps off.
 “Now, guys!” shouted Buster.
 The toons jumped over the bottle aliens and they each poured something in their bottle bodies. They felt nothing at all.
 “Ha!” cried one of the bottle soldiers. “Is that the best you can do?”
 “Enough tricks!” snapped Captain Cap. “Get them!”
 The bottle soldiers charged for the toons, but then they stopped. The green liquids inside them started to bubble.
 “I don’t feel too good,” moaned a bottle soldier.
 Then the liquid was fizzling and shooting up like a volcano.
 “What did you put into us?” demanded Captain Cap.
 “This!” Buster held up an empty bottle with the label ‘ACME BABY VOLCANO BUBBULES’.
 “Get them!” ordered Cap.
 They ran for them, but Babs got out a bowling ball and threw them at the bottled aliens. Soon the aliens were knocked down by bowling pins and they were standing upside down on their necks.
 Babs cheered. “And the champ is… Babs Bunny!” She said her name in a different voice. “Well, thank you all.”
 Buster and Plucky just shook their heads.


Five minutes later, Toonraker was flying towards a giant recycling bin. The shuttle dropped the bottled aliens into the bin and flew off.
 Inside, the toons were celebrating. “Good job, guys!” smiled Buster. “Mission accomplished!”
 “And this movie is a wrap!” cried J.J. Abrams, as he walked in. “Good job, guys.”
 

“And that was Toonraker, the brand new Tiny Toon Adventures film directed by J.J. Abrams,” said Steven Spielberg on the stand.
 The entire audience at the Dolby Theatre gave Abrams and the Tiny Toons a huge round of applause. The toons stood up, bowed and waved wildly, while the humble Abrams just stood up and waved modestly.
 “But,” said Spielberg, “that is not the only film nominated for the best Animated Short this year. Now, let’s check out the new Quentin Tarantino short with the Animaniacs, On the Dictator’s Secret Service.”
 The audience clapped. And the film played and everyone seemed to be impressed with it already.
 “This is really cool,” said Buster.
 Everyone seemed to agree, except Plucky.
 “We’re never going to win the Oscar now,” he moaned. Then his stomach groaned. He turned to his best friend Hamton. “Hammy, buddy, you wouldn’t be a pal and get us something to eat, will you?”
 “But, Plucky, I’m really enjoying this movie,” protested Hamton.
 “Think about yourself more than your starving friend, eh?” snapped Plucky. “What kind of a friend are you?”
 Hamton, beginning to feel real guilty, sighed, got up and walked out of the room.
 “Man, this is exciting!” cried Plucky happily, as he watched Tarantino’s movie. “Why did we choose Abrams over Tarantino?”
 “Shh!” snapped Buster and Babs.

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