Front Porch Steps

Do you ever wonder what it's like to live in a small town where everyone knows everything about you? They find out everything, no secrets kept.

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2. Two

~Triggering~ 

 

The next 2 months at school drag by and it's winter break, Finn turned 18 on October 12th. Today's December 21st and school just let out. Break starts today, and it's been snowing everyday for the past couple of days. I've been walking home with Becks every afternoon for the past 2 months since we met. People think we're dating, but we aren't. At least I don't think we are. 

Finn and I talk every night and are with each other every possible second that I'm not with Becks. I think Finn wants to be with me more than he ever has. He gave me a promise ring with little diamonds on it, and wrote me several 'love' letters. I still don't what it means though. For other people it would seem so obvious. He likes you, he loves you. But no one knows what he's thinking and feeling besides him.

And I decide it's time to confront him about it, because I need to know now. So I text him.

:

"Finn, can you come over? I really need to talk to you."

He answers back almost immediately. 

"I'm coming outside now. Put on something warm, it's freezing."

I decide to put on a thick sweater that used to be my grandpa's and put a pair of thick leggings under my jeans. When it get's cold in Candle View, it gets cold. Like really fucking cold. Little flurries start to come down from a grey sky which means in about 15 minutes its going to drop 10 degrees. I put on a beanie, my thigh high socks, and three pair of socks under them, and my boots on. I walk down the front porch steps. And he's standing there at the bottom, with his hands in his jeans pockets. Snowflakes fall on his caramel hair. They seems to fall perfectly, with such brilliance and light, and it's just beautiful. He's just beautiful. His hair in the new style. The long top pulled back and gelled to the back of his head and short, shaved sides. Baby blue eyes that never seem to stop shining. Jaw line, collar bones, muscles, everything. Finn Lancaster is everything I've ever wanted. And now he says I'm all he's ever wanted.

He holds me tight to his chest. "Come on let's go inside, where it's warm."

Nodding into his shoulder and he walks me through a blistering wind. He smells like his usual cologne, which means he smells like a fucking god. "Not my house," I say. "I don't want to be in there."

"Okay, well welcome back to the Lancaster abode," He shelters me through the snow, holding me under his coat. He grabs my coat and puts it on a coat hanger on the opposite side of his front door. Going up the familiar stairs with pictures of Finn and his family decorating the walls as you head upstairs to his room. He closes the door behind him. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I nod, looking around this room I haven't seen for years. I sit down on his bed, and get nostalgic feelings. Everything looks the same. I smirk. "Nice race cars on the wall."

He grins and jumps over on top of me. "That's not nice, Daisy Mae," And he starts tickling me. I kick and squirm and maneuver every way I know how to avoid being tickled, but it's obvious that it's not going to work. All I can do is just sit there and laugh and look up into his pretty blue eyes and smile and just be happy with the boy I've always dreamed of. That sounds pretty damn good to me. "You're so beautiful," He whispers in my ear, kissing my neck and biting his way down and across my collarbones. It feels so good, I don't want it to stop. He kisses back up my neck and whispers. "I love you so much," He kisses my ears, and bites down rashly on my neck, I lightly gasp, I can't help but let out moans. "I never want to let you go. It's you and me forever." He continues down my neck again with kisses and bites. My moans persist and delicately undresses me as he makes his way kissing down my body. I sit up and look at him, he looks at me intrigued. I grab his neck and start kissing him, doing the same things he did to me. And when I first heard it I think I had my first orgasm, honestly. Finn's moan is the most sexy thing I've ever heard. I kiss down on his neck and whisper in his ears. "You and me forever." With that he pushed and turned me over gently but at the same time, aggressively. He looks in my eyes and I have no idea why he's just looking at me like that until I feel his fingers inside me. And oh my fucking God, does it feel good. He moves them inside me, and thrusts them in and out of me. First slow and gentle, and then he gains his speed and his roughness. And dear fucking Christ, is it amazing. And my moans get louder and louder, and his eyes are still on me. And my eyes are still on him and I can feel him going into me. But not him physically. Emotionally, spiritually, I guess you can say. I felt part of him find itself inside of my soul, and I felt a piece of me belonged to him now. It felt so simple, and pure what I was giving him. He leans over me and sticks my fingers in my mouth, I suck on them while he kisses down my neck again.

He whispers in my ear again. "You're so perfect," He takes his fingers out of my mouth and kisses me soft, but with his tongue. And it's light and it's sexy, and I love it. He leans his forehead against mine and whispers to me. "No matter how many times you say that word has no meaning, it has meaning to me. And it's you." He kisses me and feels his hand down my body, he starts kissing down and across, biting in between. And then he starts licking the inside of my thighs, he puts his tongue in my pussy and starts eating me out. He moans in pleasure of taste, and I moan in pleasure of my third orgasm. I licks me, and sucks on me. It feels so fucking weird but so good. I feel him give a last tongue in and I see him look up at me, we smirk at each other. I flip over on top of him which he had no idea was coming.

He smiles in excitement, watching me from on top of him. "Whoa," He grabs my tits and sucks on them, I moan and start kissing down his neck and biting. I get down to his dick, and haven't noticed it yet because my mind has been being fucking blown and now I see how big Finn's cock is. He has to be at least 9 inches, maybe 10. 

I smile up at him. "You never told me about little Finn," I laugh trying to act sexy and then slide him in my mouth and to the back of my throat. Wrapping my lips around him and rolling my tongue and saliva to coat his dick. I moan and I can't begin to tell you the noises I'm hearing out of Finn. They're so sexy. Some girls think it's weird when guys make noises, but not Finn's. Jesus Christ, not his. I feel him throbbing in my mouth as I move my tongue up and down.

He pushes me over and get on top of me and smirks, kissing me hard and biting down my neck, whispering. "You're so sexy, I just want to be inside you."

I look into his eyes. "I love you, Finn."

"I love you, Daisy."

I know he's waiting for me to give him permission to go any further with this. Because this is taking my virginity territory. But I want it to be Finn. I'm in love with Finn. I always have been. If there was any one in this world to be this vulnerable with, this subject to heart break and disappointment to, I would want it to be Finn. 

I grab his dick, stick it in my pussy and moan. He groans and starts thrusting softly. With each thrust he grows speed and strength, depth, and hardness. And with that, my moans get louder, and his groans do too. I feel his embrace upon me and feel him pull out of my body. It had to at least been in a half an hour because I came at least 5 or 6 times. He cums on my stomach and I watch with an excitement that I have no idea what the fuck it is. I pick some up on my finger and lick it off. It's salty, but I like it.

He sighs and smirks at me. "That was fucking amazing," He brings me a paper towel and then lays down beside me. He kisses my neck and my ear, whispers. "You're amazing."

 I wipe the remaining cum off me and throw it into the trash can beside his bed. I lay my body on top of his. He pulls me close and kisses the top of my head. 

I smile up at his eyes. "I'm in love with you, Finn."

He looks down at me, kisses me softly and sweetly, he grins. "I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with you, Daisy," He chuckles and traces my neck. "You've got some love bites here."

I laugh and bury my head into his chest. "I don't care. They're bites from you."

He plays with my hair and lays his head on top of mine. 

 

I wake up a couple of hours later to Finn brushing me and whispering my name. 

"Daisy. Daisy, wake up. Daisy."

I look up at him and whine. I'm fucking tired and I'm sore. But it was such good sex that I don't even care how sore I am. "Yeah?"

"It's like 7 already, my parents are going to be home in 10 minutes, my brother's coming home in like an hour-"

"Wait, Benji's coming home?" I start to sit up and collect my clothes. 

"Yeah," He says, rolling his eyes. "He decided that maybe he could spend time with his trashy town family for Christmas. He's probably only staying here for the room and food, but my parents are happy, so why should I ruin it for them?"

I look around and start getting dressed again. I peer out through Finn's bedroom window, the sky is pouring with snow. Smiling, I love snow. I turn around and kiss Finn again.

He holds my waist. "What was that for?"

I look in his eyes. "For being mine."

He looks down at the ground smirking and then back up at me. "I always wanted to be the one."

"I always wanted you to be the one," I grin, kissing him softly again. "I always wanted you."

"Me too," He grabs onto my hands and laces up his fingers with mine. He pulls me in close his body and holds me almost too tight to him. He's so warm, Jesus. My phone rings and he picks it up and looks at me and then answers it.

"Finn-"

"Hey." Finn says. "No, this is Finn. Finn Lancaster. Sure, here you go." He whispers and looks at me as if he were my happy work assistant. "It's Becks." 

I look at him and grab the phone. "Hey, Becks."

"Why are you with Lancaster?" Becks says, abruptly and concerned. He sounds like he's out of town because it's too noisy to have been in Candle View.

"Is there a problem with that?"

"No. I mean, I don't know. I just don't like him. I know you've been friends with him since whenever but, like, I think it's enough."

And that just set me off. "Becks, I don't think it's your place to tell me who to hang out with. Especially considering you still talk to Hannah and Izzy. But, I have a question for you..."

Finn looks over concerned at me.

"Yeah?" Becks asks.

"How would you define our relationship?" I sit on Finn's bed, criss cross.

" Uh.. don't know, Daisy. We've never even kissed you. I have no idea what you want. At this point I would just define us as friends, close friends. But friends. It could definitely grow into something more we both know that."

"Okay," I'm so relieved, Dear fucking Jesus. I don't want to have anything romantic to do with Becks. I want it to be about Finn. "Alright, Becks, I have to go. Time to get ready for Christmas. I'll see you soon then, okay. Bye."

I hang up my phone and look over at Finn. I stretch out my arms and wave my hands towards me. "Finny, come here."

He comes and sits next to me on the bed and holds me tight. He whispers in my ear. "What's wrong, Dai?"

"I love you. And I don't want to let go of you."

I feel him smile on the back of my neck. "I love you too, Daisy Mae. I don't want to let you go either. I've never wanted too, and I've done everything I can to make sure I kept you." 

I melt into his shoulder until I feel myself falling asleep again and decide it was time to pull away. 

"So are we doing we Christmas presents this year?"

"Is that even a question?"

He chuckles. "Just making sure. Mine takes a little time."

I lean on his arm. "Mine isn't done yet, either. I want to decorate right now."

"You wanna go to your house and I'll help?" He smirks.

"No, I think you should stay home. Benji's gonna be here soon and you should be here to be with him." I put his hands back into his lap.

"I don't want to see him. I can't fucking stand him."

"Finny, he's your brother. You love him, I know you do. You're mad at him because he left without saying goodbye. He has his own problems and you know them. Maybe you should ask him about them and you'll finally understand."

He shakes his head. "I don't care about him enough."

I get up from Finn's bed and take his hand. "Come on, walk me to the door." I lead him down the stairs and he kisses me before I step out into the snow and walk across the road in what is for me, almost knee high snow. I get inside and and take off my boots and run up stairs to shower and change. I change into a sweatshirt and skinny jeans and head downstairs. 

"Oh look who's home!" Mom calls from inside the kitchen.

I walk in and on the cold tile. We exchange smiles and kisses. "Hi, mash."

"Hey darling, Daisy. What have you been up to at the Lancaster household?"

"I was helping Finn decorate to surprise his mom when she gets home. Benji's coming home too." Such lies. But good, sweet lies.

"Oh my God. Benji boy! I haven't seen him in forever. I miss that little bugger. Good boy," She's making mashed potatoes. "Daddy's gonna be home in a little while so are the boys."

"David?"

"Yes."

"Daniel?"

"Yes."

"Darwin?"

"Yes."

"Darrell?"

"Yes. All the Jace's are going to be under the same roof again. Imagine that. Did you finish getting all the strings and straps for Finn's guitar?"

"Yeah I'm done. I just have to get the amp cord from the post office. The receipt on my laptop said it would be here today."

"Why don't you call Daddy to pick it up then?" 

"Splendid, I do say my mother." Making our stupid, phony, totally obnoxious and fake British accents. 

I dial up my dad.

"Hey baby girl."

"Hi daddy," I can't help but be happy hearing his voice, I love my dad more than anyone. "Can you stop by the post and see if my amp cord is there?"

"I got it Dai, I'll be home in 15 minutes, I love you. Tell Mama she better make that steak faster."

I giggle. "Okay daddy, I love you too. Bye."

"Well!" 

I laugh, my mom is such a stereotype its not even funny.

"He said he's bringing it home. He's gonna be here in 15 minutes." 

A knock at the door and I run. I open it and there stands Darwin and Darrell. 

"Hey!" I shout. Hugging them tight. 

They start laughing. My mom starts running in with forks and and spatulas in her hands, screaming. "My boys! My boys! My beautiful baby boys!"

"Hi mom," Darwin grudges sarastically, hugging and kissing her. "Hey Dai. Where's Dad and Darko?"

"Yeah, where are they?" Darrell asks.

"Dad's coming home soon. Darko's upstairs. He's a little... Well, you know Darko. He'll be down for dinner. Daniel and David will be here soon. Oh! I'm so excited!" Mama says, sparkles in her eyes when she sees her sons. 

"Mom?" I point to her hands full of utensils.

"Oh my God. The potatoes, the steak!" And she rushes back into the kitchen.

All three of us laugh knowing our mother is a bit of a basket case and walk into the living room and sit on the couches. 

"So what's up?" I ask. "How's college?"

"It's okay," Darrell says. "It's a lot of work and it's kind of challenging at some parts, but yeah it's fine."

Darwin laughs. "Yeah, that's when you're hungover from the party from the night before." 

Mom calls from the inside. "What was that, Darwin?"

Darwin face freezes in a mid laugh. "Nothing, mom."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." She yells.  

The front door opens and in walks my dad, Daniel, and David. I rush over and jump into my dad's arms. Daddy's girl syndrome. 

All of my brother's look like my mom. Olive skin, dark blue eyes, and jet black hair. And I somehow came out looking like my dad and my great grandmother who I was named after. Light skinned, blonde hair, and green eyed. 

"Hey baby girl," Daddy smiles, kissing my cheeks. He sets me down on the floor and hands me the box with Finn's amp cord in it. "Here you go. Go finish his present."

"You're still friends with him?" Daniel asks, dragging his bag through the front door.

"Yeah." I laugh.

David rolls his eyes. "He's going to end up like Benji."

"No he's not," I say defensively. "He's nothing like Benji."

"Okay, okay," David says softly to calm me down. "He's not going to end up like Benji."

"But I saw his car parked in their driveway." Daniel trailing his bag behind him and moving it down the hallway into his room. 

"Benji's home?" Asks Darwin.

I stay quiet to seem like I have no idea what's going on.

"Did you know he was coming home, Dai?" Darrell walks over to help David with his bag. 

"No, Finn didn't tell me. He hates Benji. He doesn't want anything to do with him."

David sighs. "Benji. Fucking asshole. He was my best friend. He was all of our friends. He just couldn't keep it together long enough to see himself through."

"I wanna go see him," Darrell says. "I wanna talk to him. See how he's been doing."

"Don't think that's a good idea," Daddy comes back inside, hanging his coat up in the front closet. "His old man was just yelling at him outside."

I look around and grab my phone. And then out of nowhere the stairs thump down.

"Hi guys," Darko's up. "Welcome back." He walks over to the couch and sits to watch the TV. 

We all look around at around at each other. The fact that Darko would even come down to say hello without being forced to is shocking. More than shocking. It's fucking uncanny. "Hey Darko." Everyone eventually works up the nerve to say.

"Dai, help me get my bag upstairs." David says grabbing the handle on his luggage case.

"Fine." I groan. I grab the handle at the top of the bag and he held the bottom and walked backwards up the stairs. I walked him into his old bedroom, next to mine. I walk into my room and lay on my bed. I finally look at my phone. Finn called me 3 times and texted me 5 times. I unlock my phone and read them.

Finn:

"Dai, I need to talk to you, call me.

"Daisy, where are you?"

"Dai.."

"Daisy?"

"Daisy? You there?"

I call him as fast as my fingers can hit the buttons. 

He answers and his voice is groggy. "Daisy?"

"Finn, what's wrong?"

"Benji's going crazy. I don't know what to do. He's even more fucked up then usual."

"Do you know what he's on?"

"I don't know. I fell asleep like an hour ago after I tried calling you. He's passed out."

"Can you go in his room without waking him up?"

"Yeah, definitely. He's knocked the fuck out."

"Do it. Find out what he's on."

"Alright. But I'm keeping you on the phone with me."

"Okay, just go."

I hear Finn walking down his wood hallways. They creek. 

He's whispering. "I don't see anything," I feel his voice tensing. "I found it..." Finn stops dead in his tracks and the floors stop creaking. He's on heroin, Daisy. Hold on I'm getting out of here," I hear him head back upstairs to his room. He sighs. "Benji's shooting heroin," I hear him bounce back on his bed. "Jesus fucking Christ."

"Finn it's okay. I promise it's okay."

"Daisy, I don't know yet, but we're going to get out of here. You and me. I can't express it, I don't know how, but I love you so fucking much. And I want to do something, I have to do something. But I have to wait."

"Finn, what it is?"

"Nothing, I'll talk about it when I see you in person. My parent are calling me downstairs for dinner, I'll text you later. I love you, Pollen, bye."

"I love you too, Finny. Bye." 'I love you's' when we're not even dating feels weird because we've never done it before.

I hang up the phone and press my face into my pillow. I'm exhausted. I don't even want to think about it because I'm pretty sure he's going to suggest marrying me which is most likely bound to happen anyway but, I don't want to think about this. It's too much for me to handle.

"David! Daniel! Darwin! Darrell! Darko! Daisy! It's time for dinner! Let's gooo!" Mom calls from downstairs. 

"Ughhhh." I mumble into my pillow. 

David knocks in on my door. "Come on, lets go."

"I don't want to." 

"Get up, Daisy."

I moan into my pillow, roll over and out of my bed. David leads down the stairs and into the dining room. Sitting at my usual spot at the table. We're all surrounded by each other for the first time in a year. Everyone talks to each other except Darko, and me. I'm not talking out of choice. Darko is not talking out of being himself.

"So Darko," He looks up from his plate and at my mom. "Care to tell us a little more about Alyssa?"

"Alyssa's cool." He forks up another piece of steak into his mouth.

"Anything else?" Daniel asks, scooping mashed potatoes into his corn. 

"Yeah, is she pretty? Is she funny? Do you like her?" Darwin asks.

"All of the above. But not, like her-like her. Alyssa is just a friend." Darko moves his fork around on his plate and watches everyone else's movements. His eyes moving back and forth. He's gotten so skinny over the past couple of months. He's only bones now.

"Daisy," Daniel asks, smirking. "How's Finn?" 

I roll my eyes at him, grabbing some mashed potatoes on my fork. "He's the same Finn Lancaster he's been since he was 5. Nothing different."

"I saw that present you got him. Pretty expensive and thoughtful if you ask me." Darrell says, joining in on Daniel's fun.

"Yeah, it is." I smile and turn my face down to eat my food. Being a sassy bitch makes my brother's quiet. 

"Someone's getting feisty over there," Darwin says, chewing. "Leave her alone, we all know her and Finn are getting married anyway why make it more awkward for her?"

I choke on my food and look at Darwin. "Married?" I laugh. "Finn Lancaster's only committed relationship is to being his parent's son. He can't even establish a relationship with his brother."

There's a knock at the door. I sigh. "I need a break from you 4, I'll get it." I walk to the door and on the front porch steps is Benji. 

"Hi, Benji." I'm too surprised for words right now that my voice even breaks.

"Hey Daisy. Wow, you got so big. I have a present for you and your family. Here." He hands me a bottle box. He grins quickly, his eyes look dilated and wild. He puts his hand up as a wave and then turns to leave. 

"Wait," I hold myself in the doorway. "Benji? Can I talk to you?" I look to go and turn and give the bottle to someone. "Wait, hold on a second I'll be right back just stay-" And like that he was gone. I didn't even see him anymore. He wasn't in plain sight. I close the door quietly and walk back into the living room.

"Who was it?" Mom asks cleaning up the dinner plates. Everyone is still sitting at the table. I feel like a deer caught in headlights.

"Benji."

They all look around at each other. It was like they heard some had come back from the dead. And they kind of sounded true in this situation.

"What did he say?"

"What is that?"

"What did he give you?"

"What did he look like?"

"How was he acting?"

They won't stop asking me questions and buzzing around me. I finally stop and shout.

"Stop! Shut up!" I feel all 14 eyes glaring at me. "He looks like Benji," I hand my Dad the bottle box. "It's champagne, he was acting like he used to act. He's Benji. Leave him alone."  

I jog upstairs and they all look around at each other in shock. I text Finn.

"Hey."

He texts back.

"Hey, Dai. What're you doing?"

"Hiding from my family. Hbu?"

"Same. Benji's being weird and acting like he used to. And I think my parents are falling for it." 

"Maybe he's trying to get better, Finn. You can't always be so harsh on him."

"Daisy. He's Benji. He's an evil, manipulative, asshole who only ever thinks about himself."

"Finn, stop." 

"Daisy, it's true. And you know it is."

We continue talking for hours, arguing back and forth about Benji, talking about our rendevouz and how much better our presents are then each others. 

"It's late, Finn. I'm going to sleep, I'll talk to you in the morning. I love you. Night <3"

"I love you too<3 Night <3"

 I plug my phone into the charger on the wall and snuggle up into my blanket and just stare up at the ceiling. I feel the warmth of the blanket meet the warmth of my skin and collide into each other. My door creeks opens. As my eyes start closing:

"Daisy Mae," My dad calls. "Can I come in?"

I mumble into my pillow which is basically a sign to say yes.

"Daisy," He sits on the edge of my covers. "Dai, what's up with you? What's wrong? I know this is a weird question for a dad to ask, but is it that time of the month?"

I turn over and face him. "No, Dad. But thanks for telling me I'm being a bitch."

He shakes his head. "You're putting words in my mouth, Dai."

"I'm sorry, Daddy," I sigh, rubbing my face and down my neck. "I'm just really tired." I fucking forgot that I had hickeys on my neck. I move my hair in front of my neck and and the blanket over me.

"Alright, sweetheart. Go to sleep. It's late, and tomorrow we're down to the hills and sledding. Sound fun? The boys wanna go. Fricking 20 year old men want to go sledding." He laughs "Goodnight, darling." He kisses my forehead and turns out my light.

 

~

 

I haven't seen Finn since the first day of winter break. Today's Christmas Day and we've already opened presents and eaten to the point where I've gained about 10 pounds. I've finished wrapping Finns guitar and amp and it's in my garage. I texted him and he's coming over for a late Christmas brunch like we always have. I got a new iPhone that I have to activate later on today, clothes, some money, and little stuffed animals from my brothers. I love stuffed animals, I don't know why. I just think they're cute. I hear a knock on my front door and open it to see a happy, smiling Finn.

"Hey," He smirks. "Your present is near the garage. You better hurry and go get it. It's cold."

"Good cause yours is in the garage," I smile. "I'm gonna go open it."

I run through the kitchen and down into the laundry room to the garage door and hit it open. And in Finns hands is a small box with a black sheet covering it.

"I think I should give you mine first," He grins. "Come over here and take the sheet off,"

I walk over and hear a shaking of metal coming from the box. I slide the sheet of delicately and can't breathe. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. I open the cage and take him out of.

"Finn," In my hands is a tiny brown puppy. "Finn, oh my God. Are you serious?"

He laughs. "You've been saying you wanted a puppy for the past 11 years. I figured you waited long enough."

"Oh my God, he's so cute. What kind of dog is he?"

"King Charles Spaniel is what she told me. I looked at the pictures online. And it looks exactly like him. So yeah, he's a King." He smirks, petting the puppy's head.

I smile. "What am I gonna name you? You sweet little boy," Little yelps and barks come from his mouth.

"What about Charlie?" Finn says.

"I was gonna say that, kind of cliché, but I like it anyway." I smile.

Finn grins. "Charlie."

I laugh, holding Charlie close to me. "I've got your present over here, Finny. I hope you like it. I know you've been talking about having one for a while now," I walk over to his guitar and his wrapped amp. 

He follows behind me, and when he sees it he starts chuckling. "No, Dai. No, no, no, no, no, no. You can't do that. This is so unfair," He comes over and kisses me intensely, Charlie comes up between us and starts licking our cheeks. We break out into laughter. He smiles and whispers. "Thank you so much. I love you."

I grin and kiss him softly. "I love you too. Thank you, for this little boy." I giggle, bringing Charlie up as he yelps and licks my cheeks again. 

He picks up the guitar and strums on the cords. He looks up at me, comes back over and kisses me again. "You're so beautiful. I want to ask you something but it's way too early," He laughs nervously. "WAY too early."

"What is it, Finn?"

He smiles. "Make Christmas Day the official date."

I blush and the corners of my cheeks turn up. "Is this your why of asking me to be your girlfriend, Finn Lancaster?"

"Absolutely." He grins. 

I kiss him lightly and feel a cold rush on my lips from Finn.

"Yes, Finnegan." 

Finn pulls me into his chest and holds me close. "By the way, I was riding on you naming him Charlie because I bought him a collar and name tag." He grabs a light blue collar from his jacket pocket and puts it around Charlie's neck.

"Perfect. Can't wait to see what Mommy says." I snicker. 

"Well you obviously didn't look in the cage because I got him a leash, bowls, food, toys, and those potty training mats or whatever they are." 

"You really didn't have to do all that," Kissing his rosy, cold cheeks. "But thank you." I put Charlie back in his cage and grab Finn's hand as we walk through the garage door into the house. As I try to be subtle and walk quietly through the house, Charlie starts to yelp.

Mom peers around the corner. "Daisy Mae Anna Jace, is there a dog in my house? I swear to God."

"Mommy, Finn's here." I smile at Finn. That always shuts down her bitch mode and turns her into a fake nice mom. 

"Oh well hello Mr. Finnegan how are you on this lovely Christmas day?"

"Very well Mrs. Jace, thank you. And you?"

"Very good," She grabs his cheek. "Such a sweet boy," She looks down at the cage in my hand and sees Charlie, she melts. "Oh my God. He's perfect." She reaches down and unlocks the cage, pulling Charlie out. His tail starts waging, he's kissing her face, and yelping. 

"His name is Charlie. He's my Christmas present." I smile, petting Charlie's ears.

"I hope you're not too mad, Mrs. Jace." 

"No. No, Finny. He's perfect. I love him already. Charlie boy. You're so cute." She starts baby talking him.

"Finn got him all the puppy training stuff."

"Finny, you are a God sent angel." 

He chuckles. "No. Not at all."

Mom smiles and shakes her head. 

"Dai, set those mats and put the food and water in the bowls. I'm gonna let him get used to the house."

"Okay. But, Mom, where are Dad and the boys?"

She looks down and puts Charlie on the floor. "Dad went with the boys to Betty's. Darko's the only one home. He's upstairs."

"What's wrong with Betty?" I asked, my voice broke.

"Betty just got some bad news, but it's alright sweet heart."

"Mom," I start getting angry with her. "What happened to Betty?" Finn grabs my shoulders and starts to rub my back to calm me down. He's always done that. I guess he has an old soul.

"I don't know how else to tell you other than being straight forward, deary. Betty found out that she has brain cancer and that it's spreading throughout her body." Mama looks teary eyed.

Tears start rolling down my face. My body feels heavy and my head feels light. "I want to go to Betty. Now."

"Darling, look outside on the roads and tell me how you're walking there. The snow is already 2 feet deep." Mom says, drying off a dish. "Listen, I'll lay out the stuff for Charlie, you and Finn go upstairs. Maybe see if you can talk to Darko. He's not responding to anyone." 

I run up stairs and turn the corner from the top of the stairs and into Darko's room. Finn pulls me close and whispers in my ear. 

"Let's be careful about this. I know he's your brother, I love him just as much as you did because I grew up with him too. But, let's keep our eyes open, okay? We know what used to happen."

I nod and wipe slow drying tears from my eyes. I look around the corner that protrudes from Darwin's room being right next door.

"Darko?" I say, pushing the door in quietly. "Are you in here?" I see my brother laying on his bed, his face stuffed into his pillow and a mountain of long black hair.

I hear his sigh. "Yeah," He turns over and looks up and his eyes go directly to Finn. "What are you doing here?"

I feel the tension in Finn rise and his face turn red. I grab his arm and try and pull him back. But he pounced forward. "Darko, will you ever get over your fucking self?" 

"Finn, stop." I whisper.

"No, Daisy. This needs to stop. He's waisting his life away in this room. It's hurting you, it's hurting your mother, father, your brothers. And he needs to know and hear what actually fucking happened. So lets listen. Darko, Jimmy had a heart attack. He was 11 years old. He had a heart problem from the moment he was born. When he came out of the womb he was put into surgery. His death isn't your fucking fault! He was perfectly fine until that day. He didn't take his heart congestive medicine the night before. You pushing him off the dock off as a joke didn't kill him! It was a fucking joke!" His voice got louder with each word, now he was screaming. Jimmy was Finn's cousin. The whole town looked down on Darko until they found out Jimmy didn't take his pills the night before. It was horse play. Jimmy and Darko were best friends. Best friends. No one could separate them. Sleepovers every night. Manhunt in the backyard until 2 in the morning. Pranks on the other kids on their class. It was like they were twins. I think Darko thought he was our 6th brother. I could feel the heat coming from Finn's body. "Jimmy's death isn't your fault," Finn starts an airy laugh. "The kids in your class would make fun of you, the adults would shun you, but they didn't know jack shit. Darko, you tried to save him. You gave him CPR. I don't even think we learned what CPR was in school yet. You tried to save your best friend. But guess what, Darko? You couldn't do anything to save him! And that in no way is your fault! Oh my fuck, you act like you were supposed to play God! It's not your fault, Darko. It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, Jesus Christ." Finn turned and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Darko was crying. Silently, but crying. His tears didn't seem to end. They just streamed. I sat on the edge of his bed and ran my fingers through his jet black hair. "He's right, Darko."

"Get out of my fucking room."

"My pleasure." And with that Fin stormed out of his room and slammed the door behind him.

"Darko," I say, trying to collect myself. All the sanity that I don't have left. I'm starting to cry, but I know I can't. You may wonder why Finn may have gone off like that but let's look at the facts. Being. His brother. Locked himself in his room when he was 16 and Finn was 14. Benji did so many different drugs he almost died, multiple times of accidental overdose from multiple drugs. Being deserted his family and has left and abandoned his family for a reason he's not responsible for. In Finn's eyes Darko is Benji.  

Mama rushes upstairs. "What the hell just happened up here? I had my hands stuffed in a turkey's ass I didn't really have time to react. Charlie's playing with toys trying to bite my ankles. What are you yelling for?"

"Nothing. I'm going to find Finn." I get up from the bed and walk into my room to find blue staring into my scrapbooks.

"These are really cute, Dai. I remember you like this. Before you turned into this girly girl you are now," He grins. "Ripped jeans and baggy t-shirts."  

I kiss him softly. "I'm going to pretend none of that just happened," I nuzzle my head into his shoulder. He smells so good. "Finn,"

He holds my hand and laces his fingers into mine. "Yeah, Dai?"

"I love you." I kiss his jaw and pull myself closer into him. 

"I love you too, Daisy Mae. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Just like this," He turns and kisses me softly. His lips are slightly chapped as they move up from my lips, kissing every inch of my face. "You're so beautiful." He whispers in my ear, kissing my neck and then looking into my eyes.

"I love you too, Finny," I smile and giggle, looking at the gleam in his baby blue eyes. 

"What are you laughing about?" He gets on top of me and starts tickling me. "Huh?" He laughs, hysterically. "What are you laughing about?"

I can barely breathe and I almost start crying out of laughter. I'm the most ticklish person in the world and he uses it against me every chance he gets. "Oh my God," I'm almost dry heaving. "Finny, stop," I can't stop laughing and jerking my body. All the nerves in my body are tingling. "Finny, stop," I'm coughing and laughing. "Finny,"

"Say the magic word," He smiles, lightly tickling my cheeks and my neck.

"Please, Finny!" I laugh and cough one last time before he let's me up.

"Thank you, Pollen," He grins wickedly and grabs my hands and sits across from me. He looks down at our hands and then picks them up and measures our fingers against each other. He's so much taller then me, his hand and feet are just as much bigger than mine. The only competition I beat him in is tits and ass. The corner of his mouth turns up. "Daisy, are you glad that I was your first?"

"Finn you're the only person I would want to take my virginity," I smile. "Finn, you're the only person I want for the rest of my life. I've known for my whole life," I giggle not knowing how gross it sounded I started to laugh after. 


"That was a cute laugh," He chuckles, picking up my chin and kissing me. He looks outside at the snow and his smiles and face turn to stone. "Daisy, why don't we talk like we used to on the old dock? Like how right now, you're the only thing that makes me happy and smile and laugh. And that you're the only that keeps me alive."

I grab his hand again and intertwine my fingers again with his. "Finn, we talked about this. We can't jus-"
"Daisy, I want to know things other people wouldn't ever know about you. Secrets you would never tell anyone," he looks down at the wood floor were on and plucks at the rug were sitting on top of.

"Daisy. You have left me out of way more than you should've."
"Finn, those things are in the past. They're not part of our future. They're done and over with. You need to let them go."
"Almost losing you is something I can't let go of."
My hands let go of his and go limp. Taking them away. Suicide attempt #1. 2 months later came the second and third a week after. Then therapy everyday for a month straight. But nothing's the same.
"I don't need that to haunt me forever," I pull down my sleeves. Number one was cuts on my porcelain skin, then stained white. Like every Shakespeare play, stained red with guilt that would never end. "Maybe this relationship shouldn't happen, Finny."
His lips quiver and he sighs. "No. I love you. I will never let go of you, ever again. I will never let you leave ever again."
Number 2, stopped breathing for 23 seconds.
"Finn. I'm not going anywhere. Trust me," I get off of the floor and turn blue tooth on, on my phone to hook up to my small speaker. "Listen to music with me." Falling into his lap and tapping the 'play button.'
Finn smiles when he's the music start playing. "This song, Jesus, Daisy."
I laugh, staring up into his blue eyes. "I know you like it, Finn. I hear you hum it from time to time."
Feeling his finger run through my hair and twirling sections of it, he starts singing it. "When the skies are looking bad, my dear, and your hearts lost hope, after dawn there will be sunshine and all the dust will go. The skies will clear, my darling. I'll wake up with the one I love the most, and in the morning I'll make you up some tea and toast."
Grabbing his other her hand, I lace my fingers with mine.
"You should learn to play this, Finny."
He pulls our intertwined hands to his lips.
"Anything for you, Daisy Mae. Dai, we're going to get married, aren't we?" He smirks.
"Everyone else knows. We might as well admit it to ourselves." I smile.
"Do you like your choice?"
"I love my choice."
"You know you're never, ever going to ever get away from me right, Pollen?"
"I wouldn't want it any other way."

~Chapter 3~
It's amazing how much time can pass when you're happy. 4 months seemed to just fall through from my finger tips like the sand on the shore. The end of April and now the tourists were starting to make plans to stay at our shitty little motel. May is crabbing season. It's already starting to get warm and the skies are turning orange and pink, back to what I think of as normal. I think Summer is normal. In CandleView we basically don't have school for the whole month of April. For Easter, considering everyone in town in Christian. Some people have their own beliefs. Like me and Finn. No beliefs. Now we're a strong couple. "The one that everyone knew was inevitable, the one everyone was waiting for."
Nothing ever changed for us. Everything is just as the same as it was, just more love, and kisses and cuddles and newly found sex. Really good newly found sex. He skin feels just right on top of mine. Like it was made for me.
Finn: "You going to come over? Or do I have to come climb up your hair, Rapunzel?"
Me: "I'll be there in a second. Don't rush me or you'll see stars. And not the pretty ones."
Finn: "Lol fine. Just get here already, you're literally across the street."
I smile and grab my phone off the charger. Putting on my old torn up Rolling Stones t shirt and denim shorts. Running a brush through my hair, brushing my teeth, make up on, socks and converse slipped on. And I'm out.
I'm turning back into the old Tom boy Daisy. Not really caring about my clothes or appearance except my hair and makeup. Finn's sitting on his front porch in short, his hair still up in "a man bun" so silly but so hot. Matching converse to mine and a muscle tee that exposed every chisel in his toned arms.
He stood up and squeezed me, twirling me and spinning me in his arms.
I can't stop laughing and smiling as his arms have become my safe haven. So comfortable and secure and I've never felt happier in my entire life.
"Daisy Mae," He kisses me passionately. Our lips melt into each other's. "Ready to go?"
Looking into his eyes with curiosity. "Go where?"
"Docks. We're going crab hunting." He smirks.
"Do you have a bucket?"
He pulls a red pail from behind him. "Never come unprepared." He laughs and grabs my hand, running through the gravel down to the sand bars.
"Take off your shoes," Finn says, holding to the seaweed covered rock and slide off his socks and black high tops. "We can't climb if we have shoes on. Plus, you're a mermaid, remember? Marina never had shoes." He smiles and laughs.
"You still remember that, Captain Finny?" I grin, sliding off my shoes and taking a branch tracing our initials into the sand.
"Of course. Saving the drowning girl. But, in reality she was the Candle View mermaid tangled in a fish net."
We have an old tall tale in Candle View. An old man who used to collect the shrimp from the deep back ocean said he saw a mermaid and she sang to him. But she was drowning, so he went to his toolbox to grab a box cutter to cut the net she was stuck in, to save her. Just when he got back there was a floating net and no girl anymore. We used to play and reenact that scene. I was the fair mermaid whose name was apparently "Marina."
Finns little voice would croak as he screamed "Marina, I'm getting the knife to cut you free. Stay here."
And I would bob my head, my hair even blonder back then. Shouting "Please save me, I can't breathe." And then while Finn would look for the plastic knife and fork set we had from our toy kitchen that I hid from him, I swim past him and the docks and hide behind the rocks and cover my hair in seaweed.
It's memories like that, that make my life worth living. Life is beautiful like that. You can see grains of sand and remember a sad time. Like when your brother David threw sand and pushed you under salt water because you ruined his only computer game while you were painting your nails. And then you can think of times where you made a friend with a little tourist girl and you built a sand fortress that could never compete with any other sand castle. But that was the last day you ever saw, Hayley. A good day though, a good memory. She has a good memory too. That's all that matters. Two little blonde girls, green and pink swimsuits splashing in wet sand, feverishly making a tower of sand. With forts and moats. Collecting as many pelican feathers as possible for a miniature countries flags. Beautiful.
I wake from my daze and climb in between the cracks of wet, splashing rocks. Poking with my stick and boom. A little crab comes up from the ground like "What the fuck? Get out of my house, bitch. Stop touching me."
Not today Mr. Crab. I'm sorry. Today we're going to have a little family time. I snatch him and a small crab that surface next to him and put them into a red pail we filled with sand and water.
"I've got two!" Finn says, running over with two pink crabs with their pincers clasped on his skin.
"I have two in here, too." Picking up the pail, I bring it down to the water and scoop in some sand.
Finn stands in back of me and hugs me from behind while putting the crabs in the pail.
He smiles and whispers in my ear. "You're beautiful. Even from behind." He chuckles.
"You're gross," I smirk. "Come on, let's actually do something."
"What do you want to do?"
"Let's go in." I say. Motioning towards the water.
He takes off his tshirt. His newly tanned skin give his chiseled abs an even greater definition. The sunbeams in Candle View magnify times 10 as soon as March ends. He tans, but I burn. My skin is only as white as porcelain, and he makes fun of me for it. I take off my tattered shirt revealing a striped bathing suit top. My tits have grown again and now I'm a DD cup and i'm not happy about it. But I'm sure Finn is. My fucking back hurts so bad. Down in my fingers, I feel the grasp of Finn's hand. How many times I've felt it, too many to address. This one just feels different. I feel things flow through our fingertips and into each other's nerves. And then I can see it. All over again. I feel everything come back, the rope is clenching around my ankle where my scar is. I'm looking up at 12 year old Finn, my 10 year old self grabbing for each other's hands while I'm getting trapped in a boat's tie and being dragged into an undertow.
"Stop! Stop! She's caught!" Finn's screaming.
I'm shouting and crying and the man on the boat is a tourist. He's already started up the engine. He has no idea to check up on the docks for us. He can't hear us.
I see Finn crying and his voice is breaking from screaming. "Stop!!!"
And then I see Betty come from the side of the dock and pull Finn away. I was sure I was a goner. And then I see Betty leap on to the mans boat and rip the key of out the engine and throw it into the sea. She's yelling so loud I think the whole town heard her because everyone was talking about it the next week.
"Are you fucking crazy, sir? Finny pull her out!"
Finn pulls the rope off my ankle. It's raw and bleeding.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry little girl!" A man with a beer belly turns to me. Seeing me with my hair drenched with seaweed and sand, my ankle bleeding, tears and salt in my eyes.
Finn has been holding me as tight to him as he could since he freed my ankle.
"Look at what you did!" Finn yelled. "She's bleeding! And crying! You're a bully!"
"Listen I didn't know. I'm sor-"
Before he could even finish his sentence Betty pulled him off the boat and cursed him. We never saw him again. I went home and that whole week, Finn came and sat with me on the front porch steps and played with chalk, and catch, and hand games like 'concentration," 'slide," and 'miss Mary mack' which he sucked at. But I taught him. And I remember him. A Finn I used to remember playing with, he's the same one i'm standing with now. And he's still the same. A big baby.
"Dai," I see Finn's eyes staring into mine. "Dai, are you okay?"
I smile and feel myself blushing, glancing down at the rope scar on my right ankle. "Yeah, let's go."
I run forward and pull him along with me until I feel him pick me up and start running. Finnegan has never made me happier than I am right now. My lips have not touch each other. They're either touching his or grinning. When we reach the part of the ocean where he can just touch the bottom of the floor and he has to hold me to keep me above water he stops and looks into my eyes.
"Do you want to know a fact? Like the worlds most known fact?" He says looking from my eyes down to my lips back up at my eyes, while he readjusts his hands on my ass. His hair is wet and swept onto one side.
I twirl my finger through it. "Sure."
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world." He pulls a piece of my wet bangs from the front of my face and places it behind my ears. I hold my breath as his pink lips reach mine.
"I can tell you one, too," I say. Leaning my forehead against his.
"Which is?"
"I love you more than anyone, and I will never love anyone more than I love you," I kiss him again.
"When we have a family?" He smiles.
"Well, soulmate wise, loser," I smirk and kiss him one last time quickly. "Can we go up shore? I'm really cold."
"Anything for you, Pollen." He holds me up to his side and swims us onto the sand.

When we reach the shore we decide its time to dry off and go home. There's shower's that you can wash off at after you've been in the ocean so we clean up and go back to Finn's house. 

​"You know," Finn says. "I have some alc at my house if you want to get drunk for the first time with me," He readjusts his hand and holds mine tighter. "No one's going to home the whole night, I was actually going to ask you to sleepover." He turns and grabs my other hand and pulls them towards his lips, kissing them. Smirking and trying not to laugh.

"Finny, am I going to say no to that boyish little face? So cute." I say, grabbing his cheek and walking in front of him.

I hear him laugh and he sweeps me up and grabs me from behind. 

I yell out of pure shock. He kisses my cheeks and down my neck while he's laughing and walking us to his house. We enter through the garage. I think everyone knows everyone's garage door code, but we all know we have exactly the same things and we know where to look if someone stole anything, that no one would ever rob your house. 0-5-0-9. The day Leslie and Morgan Lancaster tied the not. Walking through the garage and down into the basement. Finn and I have some of the only houses with finished basements. Carpeted floors and painted walls, a bathroom, and a living room space downstairs. 

"I'll get you..?" Finny asks me rhetorically. 
"I wanna do shots with you," I giggle and smirk at him. "Bring in the vodka, Lancaster."

He grins. "Anything for the lady," He brings in two abnormally large shot glasses and a half bottle full of Grey Goose Vodka. "This is pretty hard, are you sure this is what you want?"

I laugh. "Give it to me."
He shakes his head, smiling and pours a wet, thick liquid into a, like I said, big shot glass. "A little bit bigger than the norm," He says. "But I think you can handle at least one."
I sigh and look at the clear liquor, waiting for Finn to pour his shot. 

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to, Dai."
I pull back and look at him sarcastically and almost laughing. "You think I don't want to? Funny boy." I kiss him softly and then lift his shot up to his lips. Knocking back mine, I scrunch my face. It's bitter, hot taste burning down my throat. 

He throws his back and looks at me, taking out a sigh. "You okay?"
"Perfect," I smile. 
"Want more?" He smirks.
"Hit me with it. I wanna get wasted with you."

For the next 45 minutes we've sat and talked and just drank. We moved from hard liquor to beer back to hard liquor and by now I can barely see. But I can feel. I can feel everything. And not in the way you're thinking. I mean in the way Finn is moving around me. The way his slurred speech and mine mingle into each other's and the way his thoughts have bubbled into my mine and suddenly made my thoughts and concerns too. I've never felt a feeling as strong as drunk butterflies and dandelion kisses. It's a feeling that's pulled me into a hurricane and turned me from a cold stone into a weaving dragonfly. Either way, in layman's terms, I fucking love Finn Jameson Anthony Lancaster. 

And then he does that thing he's always done. He uses those eyes. The dark green spotted tints surrounded by a mint green iris. They stare down my blue eyes. They use that statement loosely and stupidly now like it's a joke, but he does stare into my soul. He has the key to my heart, he has my heart. I feel hand trembling as it cups my cheek, his smile is sloppy but it's still as pretty as it usually is. 

He reaches in and kisses my neck. His bites are leaving bruises on my neck but I don't care. He pulls at my bikini top string and I nod. Indicating he can take it off. I watch his eyes avert from my chest to my collarbones. All the goosebumps on my skin are risen and he kisses across them and warms the rest of my body. His lips cross to the other side of my neck and he leaves me with new bruises on the opposite side. My body tenses again, but he grabs the inner corner of my thigh and whispers in my ear. 
"I love you," He kisses my cheek and jawbone and then comes to the corners of my lips. "Daisy Mae Anna Jace," He sighs and puts his hand on my shorts zipper. "But there's only two things I want to change about you," He unbuttons and unzips my jean shorts and slides them down. "One," He pulls at the string knot on my bikini bottoms. "Your last name, that has to go," He whispers soft, pulling the other string harder. "Two, these clothes. They need to come off." 

I look at him and guide his hands to the strings of my bikini and then pull them off. I help him take my shirt and bikini top completely off and I watch him. Each time his eyes look dazed when he sees me naked. He gets up from the couch and I can see his cock fully up. He pulls out a bed from the convertible couch and he picks me up and lies me on it.

He looks down and cranes over me. "Don't worry, darling. I'm going to take good care of you." He looks down into my eyes again and then he goes down on me. And I can feel every inch of his tongue swirling around licking the inside of me. Every time I moan louder he pulls my thighs tighter and tongues me harder. I hear him groan "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Finn comes up from under neath me and kisses me. I try to get up so I can give him a blowjob. He deserves it for that shit. But he pushes me back down gently. "You don't have to do anything tonight. Tonight is about you, baby." With that he sticks his dick inside me and starts thrusting. He starts off gentle, but with alcohol in your system it must feel like everything is 10x better. Every nerve is like a blooming flower and it's making me an in love drunk delusional. Not the bad kind. The kind you want to be. The drunk love you want to always be in, the one you crave to be in but your small town deny's you of. They know your in love, you'll get married have your kids there, live here forever and ever and eventually die here, but it's a place like this where love is found but never expressed. Never given enough attention to consume your heart in whole. My family seems to be the only one who does behind closed doors. The reason behind it? Mama was born outside of town. Daddy snuck her in. Told people she'd been exiled from her town and that she couldn't go back. Now she's here with the rest of these fucked up people. But she taught me love. True love. The type that got me in trouble. The type that almost got me thrown out of town. No one else knows besides my mom what happened last year during the year where I only wore black and dark makeup. Covered my skin with razor marks and swallowed down pills. Smoking cigarettes, smoking weed. But now, Finn was my high. Through all of it I never turned to alcohol. Daddy was an alcoholic, told myself I'd never do it. Well, I will never turn into one. But, I won't let the past control me now.

For an hour now Finn has been on top of me, his moans like melodies in my ears. I've been in a caress of love and protection and I can't feel anything besides him. Not his dick, not his thrusts. Not the fucking, and the sex. But him. The way his body perfectly fits in mine, intertwined and twisted together. It's love. Actually, it's more than love. And I'm not even sure there's a word for that. I'd die for Finn. He's the part of me that satisfies true desire. True happiness. The sounds, the kisses, the bites, the scratches are all part of the expression that's induced sexually. I hear Finn moan the loudest I've heard him moan and grab onto his back biting and kissing his neck. I can't feel any part of my lower body. Finn's lips make it from my chest to my neck to my cheeks to my lips and then lays back down next to me. He hugs arms wrap around me and pull me in towards him. Our hot bodies create a fire between us.

 

I whisper, kissing his cheek and jaw. "You are the most perfect person I've ever witnessed Finnegan Lancaster. I love you, so much."

 

"You used the word perfect," He whispers, kissing my chapped lips. His words still slurred. "But that's false, because YOU are the most perfect person to ever walk this earth. There's too many things to list to prove it. And I love you way more than you'll ever know." He snuggles his head into my neck, and I feel his body fall and slip into deep sleep.

I melt right back into his skin and my muscles collapse. 

The heaviness of my eyes and the steady warmth of the most perfect boy's breath and heart beat are all I need to send me to sleep. And so I do. 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

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