Keeping Secrets

All Aileen ever wanted was to forget. You shouldn't need to be told; death doesn't make good memories. Moving to Beacon Hills has placed more stress on the mental locks that hold all of Aileen's secrets, and there's no telling what will come to the surface. Will she fall deeper into her hopeless pit or rise up with others like her?
*Teen Wolf Fanfiction*

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10. Contour

(Season one Episode ten)

            There is no real way to find justification in what I had done. I did owe him. He saved my life. I didn't do anything wrong. I only spoke to the man that was behind all of the murders over this year, but I never really aided him in any way. He had yet to ask me to do something to repay my debt. Knowing that truth makes me feel innocent, but I'm still to blame somewhat. I should be scared. And I am. Everything that has built up over the course of the school year is falling apart, becoming ashes for people to choke on in the breeze. There is no stable foundation for me to put my thoughts without confusing the order of things.

            I can feel his presence come to me and I'm left facing him again. His silhouette hardly seen in the light of the street lamp, but it was still there. No changing it. Just like how there is no human way to change the past. Yet with all of this new knowledge of the supernatural world, it's hard to believe that there is even a way to write your own destiny. It feels like everything is planed. My life would come to its end, and Steven would always be there for it all. If that is how fate designed it.

"I can almost see you, you must be getting stronger."

"It's that time of year."

"Don't remind me," I say making my way home, inviting him to stand by my side. For the moment I would allow a truce. Steven will kill the rest of my family if I don't get rid of him, and I cannot live with the guilt of it. It's selfish to wish for him gone when I'm likely to deserve everything that he is giving me.

"What are you going to do with all of the debts you are racking up."

"I don't really want to think about it, I don't even really owe Derek anyway, especially if he's dead. But if I really must pay him back... and he is dead, I guess he'll just have to haunt me."

"I'm the only one who can haunt you." he replied with a fearful sense of protectiveness.

"For now," I say, the thought of getting rid of him crossing through my mind again, "By the way, why do you even haunt me?"

"I don't really have a choice, some stupid connection to you when you were born, probably because it was just the time you and your family moved into that house and I tried to latch onto you as an infant. Doesn't really work if you don't let me in."

"So you think you were trying to possess me but you don't actually know?"

"Or I'm just lying to you. I don't want you to know."

"You're never any help." I say stopping in my tracks at the door to the house. Nobody's home. The cars aren't there, the lights are out, the mats are out of place (no doubt because of the key recently stored under it) for me once I got home. But there was never any conversation I had with Rita or John that told me that they were going on some kind of business trip. I watch as the harbingers, in the form of birds, fly through the open window upstairs.

"I'll go make sure everything's alright." Steven volunteers.

"I don't need you to tell me that it's not."

            I make my way to the door and grab the key from under the welcome mat. Hesitating for a second, I weigh out all of the possible explanations. I turn the key and open the door. I find it stupid that the door never really creaked until just then. Honestly, its like my life is a never ending horror film. Even all of the lights are out. Turning the switch to find the power isn't working. You've got to be kidding me.

"Aileen!" I jump and turn to the kitchen seeing a candle, "I thought you were staying at a friends house."

"No, I was just hanging out." I reply to John as he walks past me and out the door.

"Wait, whats with the lights, and where are you going?"

"The fuse blew. I was going to fix it but something came up. Rita and I are going to be out for a few days, so... take care of yourself."

"Is it serious, I'll come with." 

"No!" there is a hesitation before he continues, "That's not necessary, besides, we are going to spend some time with the Argent's because of some confusing family matter. Not to worry, but I really got to hurry. There's a number for the pizza place if you want to order out and a stock of food in the fridge if you feel like getting creative or something."

"But the power isn't working, wouldn't the fridge food be spoiled by now?"

           The door slams and John leaves me with all of these unanswered questions and unasked ones as well. What's wrong with Rita and why are they going to the Argent's. I'm left in the darkness trying to find my way to the fuse box to fix the electricity. I don't know why John thought the fridge would be of use without electricity. I feel my way around walls to the garage door, but by the time I get there the door smacks me in the face resulting in a whimper from me and my falling to the ground. 

"Oh my god, Steven!" I yell, and crawl for the wall trying to pull myself back up, "Not funny."

"It wasn't me." he counters. Of course it wasn't him. We wouldn't want to cause any more trouble now that I know how to get rid of him.

"Then who-" I get smacked across the face with something heavy and I fall to the floor yet again with new pain on the right side of my head. Now that I'm stuck in the garage I can only see the light from the fuse box, which is no help if I am to run, "Help," I pant listening for Steven to appear or lead me out of this terror. 

"Okay." he replies almost immediately, "Head back to the door!" Without any second thought, I do as he says even though all of my guts tell me not to. I would listen to what the harbingers are telling me but in the dark it's like they don't even exist.

            The rustling from my predator behind my makes me pant but Steven takes care of them knocking over shelves of tools my uncle worked so hard on organizing. I would feel a little more ashamed of the mess if I wasn't running for what could be my own life. The fallen down shelves and Steven were the only things keeping me from being torn to pieces. Steven isn't even something that can physically be in the way either. The more sound I hear from behind me reassures me that Steven is keeping the dark force from over coming me. I finally make it to the door, and my body fills up with hope of getting out of this situation, getting to a phone, or perhaps leaving the house completely... but having myself thrown away from the door leaves that hope to be stomped upon brutally.

"Two of them." I yell to Steven before having my head thrown against Rita's car. I was so close. My body aches, and hearing Peter's voice only makes me realize that this is just another one of his "therapy" sessions with me. Who is the other person? A wolf of course considering I'm unable to get away from he or she no matter how hard I try. Peter's footsteps inch closer to my own self resulting in bile rising up in my throat. In that moment, I had lost all hope. Regret, and dread washed over me and I found myself drenched. So this is what weakness feels like. The claws sink into my skin again as if inviting an old friend back after oh so long. Going through every single detail, again. And again. Almost to the point of no longer being effected by it. Just as he wanted of me. Another monster being made. As if Beacon Hills didn't already have enough.

***

            I waited so long after they had left. Waiting for them to come back. Waiting for Rita or John to come back though they wouldn't be at home anytime soon. And yet still no one came. Steven, having wasted all of his own energy, as well as my own. This was a fatigue I will not grow use to. I felt too broken and sore to even move, not that I would have liked to in the dark. I was only likely to fall again. Just as I had done so many times before, both emotionally and physically.

           I feel terrible. Not just because of what happened, but also a new feeling of fatigue, I must be the source of Steven's energy. And whenever I ask him to do anything for me, or he acts out, he is slowly draining my life. Chills run up my spine every few seconds, as I imagine all of the terrible things that could happen if things were to get worse. If life's plan for me is to get worse, knowing that what happened yesterday just makes the future less appealing. I feel Steven's presence and his manifestation catches my attention. About time he showed up again. In his absence I'd been able to make it up to my room, light up the house with candles, and read up on all of the potential ways you could kill werewolves. The only problem being that all that I've learned at Beacon Hills derailed all of the common beliefs. As far as I am concerned, the only way to kill a werewolf would be to get the Argent's to do it for you. Like that's going to happen. I am not selling out someone who I am in debt to, and no way am I going to ask for a favor. Favors only end in debts.

"You look like you got hit with a bus." Steven says breaking the silence that had left me in a trance.

"No thanks to you." I say touching the bruises on my face.

"Not this time," A response that made me look at him. Studying him, is he really going to change to stay alive, or is this all a big trick that will end in him killing someone else I care about? I wonder, "Or any other time in the future... promise."

"Hmm." I look back down at the book pages and websites that should help me out and up at my ceiling. The best way to learn how to kill the werewolves is to up an talk to the argent family, but I'd really rather not considering all of the crazy shit they seem to be involved in at the moment. Besides, they would only be curious as to why I want to kill werewolves and then come under the belief that I know who the alpha is. And I do. It's Peter, the guy I owe my life to.

"You know considering how you look like a dog's chew toy... no pun intended, I wouldn't be working so hard if I were you. You have the house to yourself, enjoy that time."

"Though your trying to make me feel better, the thought of being alone for the next few days, with you nonetheless, isn't my Idea of having a good time. But I should take a break," I close out the websites and bookmark all of the pages putting on a jacket and shoes. I haven't gone out into the woods alone on a walk for a few days, it should take my mind off of things.

"Are you really thinking about leaving the house, after what just happened. Sometimes you seem to act stupid."

"What's the worst that could happen," I say blowing out all of the candles and grabbing the keys to the front door, "I die." I chuckle walking out and slamming the door before locking it with Steven still inside. Not that it really mattered since he'd walk straight through it and back to me.

"That's not funny, and I'm coming with you. You would get yourself killed by just walking." he isn't wrong.

"Rude."

***

           Making it back to the house and finding it unlocked worried Steven, but didn't really bother me. If anything it was just Peter with another session awaiting me. I was used to it. Peter had successfully strung me up to be his little puppet for whatever he needs until the debt is paid. In fact, I was willing to do whatever was to be asked of me as long as it meant getting closer to my freedom. I have come to learn that freedom is not free.

"Aileen."

"Scott?" I say as he gets up from the couch and walks over to me. I take a step back slightly fearful of his silhouette, "You shouldn't be here... why are you here?"

"There was something that I saw that I thought you should know about. And well... you should sit down." whenever someone tells you to sit down, the words that come out of their mouths next are anything but good.

"You really shouldn't be talking to me." I throw my hands up as a guard and try to lead him out the door. But he won't go.

"Yeah, I know Stiles already told me about the whole you working with the alpha thing, but when Derek and Peter showed up and did this weird mind meld thing..." he stops not knowing where to take the sentence from there. Mind meld, really. The guy has never seen Star Wars but he knows some things about Star Trek? I feel like he never watches the dang movies 'cause he's too lazy and wants to annoy the heck out of Stiles. But that's not what's important.

"Wait, Derek is working with Peter... but he killed his sister." I like to think of Derek as a smart guy figuring out Peter is the alpha and all, but seriously. His actions are boarder line stupid.

"Yeah I know right, but the thing is, during the whole I'm going to show you my whole life story thing a glimpse of you sort of popped up." he finishes with a explosion formed out of his hands as if my presence in the story was some sort of epiphany to him.

"What do you mean by a glimpse of me."

"Like the whole um... well just everything."

            Without thinking of the consequences, I launched at him in anger and desperation, pinning him to the wall. The thoughts of how terrible that seems flashes by for a moment but I let it slide seeing the real reason for all of this. Too many people know.

"You can't tell anyone about that!" I yell his face seeming scared by my sudden burst of anger but not by my threat. It's not like I was overpowering him or anything. I back down and walk into the kitchen sitting in one of the folding chairs, head in my hands as I try to sort out how to end this unfortunate situation I nudged myself into.

"It's not like you have anything to be ashamed about. The fact that you made it through all of that without breaking down, even after all this time without telling anyone just shows how strong you are."

"Or I'm just good at keeping secrets. I see no strength in one's own ability to lie."

"That was all I really wanted to tell you. That way you would know that not everyone would hate you." He starts walking to the door and I turn almost offended by the way he phrased that sentence.

"Everyone but you would hate me... is that what your saying."

"What... no, no I just meant that even though Stiles may not trust you, and Derek may not trust you, and-"

"Okay I get your point, where are you going?" I say following him out the door.

"Your not the only one who has problems that need to be solved. Right now our lives are both pretty messed up. You're welcome to come along if you want."

"You think your life is messed up now just wait a few years. Things can only get worse before they get any better."

"Years, life will stay screwed up for years."

"You are going to be a werewolf for a long while right?"

"I guess... so are you going with me?"

"No I'm going out to take another walk."

"But you just got back from one. And considering how long I waited for you, I wouldn't think you would be able to walk still."

"I could walk forever. But I can't help but ask how you got into my house."

"I may have talked to Stiles about getting a key made a while ago..."

"The fact that people do that here makes me wonder why anyone even bothers locking their doors." I say before both of us part ways, facing our own demons on our own times.

           I finally make it to the Argent's house, but just being there made me want to leave. Knowing what they knew, and that they knew about me... it wasn't a comfort. I knock at the door, the sound seemed to stay with me while I waited for the door to be opened. I wanted to turn and acknowledge Steven, but I felt that just doing that would cause suspicion or some sort of exorcism. If I hadn't heard someone walking to open the door I would have turned and ran by now.

"Who are you." a woman answers the door. Who the hell are you?

"Um... its sort of a long story," I say as the woman leans against the door clearly ready to listen, to bad I don't really know the story of how my uncle and aunt knew the Argent's. I mean the family just moved in.

"Kate, who's at the door." I hear a voice from behind the door.

"I don't know Chris, it's sort of a long story." Kate says mocking me, with a look on her face that makes me want to throw up and kill her simultaneously. I don't even know her but I always hated her. Already hate her. I'm starting to sound like Scott.

"What," he walks to the door and looks at me in surprise. I couldn't help but smile hoping he would just let me talk to him alone, "Aileen, what do you need."

"Hi, I'm Aileen. I know Chris. It's not that long of a story." Kate says walking back into the house.

"Have you um, talked to my uncle or aunt. They said they were going somewhere and then that they would come here. And I just... I need to see them."

"Aileen... I haven't seen them, are you okay."

"Yeah I'm fine," I say my hand instantly moving to the bruises on my face, "We lost power in the house and I fell down the stairs. But if you see them could you tell them that I came by."

"Sure, but Aileen are you sure you don't want to come in. We could really use your help if you feel like getting your mind off of things."

"I would, but I'm sort of new to this whole family business of mine. Maybe another time."

"Of course, I'm holding you to those words. If there is anything you need, you come to me and we can figure out what to do."

"Yeah... you bet." I say walking back to the driveway so that I can get away before they grab me and lock me in. It's not that they aren't telling me the truth, but they are so easily ticked of to me I feel like if I were to say the wrong thing they would turn right around and hunt me.

            I feel like the world of mine is falling apart. With all of the schoolwork among other things I almost want to throw myself off of a cliff. But if I did where would it leave anyone else who cared about me? Where would that leave me? Besides with all that is going on it would be useful for a girl who can see and understand messages sent from the supernatural world. But even in the darkness those can't help. When worse comes to worse I guess I can say that I still have Steven... but really, having him will be more of a problem than he is likely to be worth.

"Where could they be you're wondering?" Steven says with some sort of joking tone.

"What's got you in a mood?"

"They are hardly missing for a day and you are already worried. You don't have to worry they are fine."

"You don't happen to know where they are, do you?"

"I didn't kill them if that's what your asking."

"What!" I exclaim making Steven laugh at my weakness. I don't really feel to embarrassed though because there is no way anyone could resist the fear of one's absence. There are few situations that will cause the fear of being hurt or dead to be eliminated from the mind.

"Just take a hike through the woods, its getting dark which means it will be too dark soon."

"Yeah, right."

            The thing about walking through the woods is that you need to go on a good day. There need to be people in the woods with you, but not to many for fear of being followed. You can't be afraid of coming back to problems at home. Nature needs to be chill, not giving you stupid jump scares for no reason. It can't have just rained or be the fall because of the trails being slick or non-existent. Going to the woods today. Not a good day. I can't observe nature without thinking about what has and will happen. The worst possible thing to feel going into the woods is nothing. Then you look to nature with pure hatred and disgust. Seeing the nothingness that seems to fill the empty land. Things that were once beautiful seemed like an illusion.

             You hear the animals in the night. Their cries. A bit of fear before death. The rocks in your path become an enemy and the hills. Dear god the steep hills become unending. A test that is wondering if you are strong enough to see what'a at the top of the hill. If you get there you find nothing. If your lucky you climb higher wanting something better than disappointment. Just don't stop climbing, even if it's the last thing you do. The people you look down on at the top of the hill are the people who are getting to the top. What to do when you finally get to the top is up to the person. Watch others try and succeed or fail. Jump off only to climb back up, walk back down the way you came. Keep going. Sit there.

           Whatever. Enough thinking of the things that don't matter. No overthinking either. Rita and John are fine. They'll be home before I know it. All of these Peter and Steven problems will be out of my hair soon. I'll live a normal life soon. The past will be erased and I will live. My old self would corrode away and leave a path worth taking.

"Oww." I fall over a rock and I swear it just spoke. This is way worse than Steven.

"What the-" I turn ans see Scott, bloody and beat up on the ground. Seeing him like that would make anyone think twice about complaining about their lives, "Oh my god! Scott. Are you okay?"

"Really?" the word can hardly make it out of his mouth before he starts wincing in pain. I'd seen him not much earlier. He was fine, but now. He could be dying for all I know. How long has it been, a few hours?

"Right, stupid question, don't worry I'm going to get help."

"Wait Aileen, you can't, just stay."

"I get what you mean Scott, but I'm not that much of an idiot. Just stay awake."

           Following the path out of the woods would take to long if I was supposed get someone to a live Scott instead of a corpse. But I couldn't take to many chances if I was to get lost. But then again, seeing Scott, potentially dying alone... could risk taking a chance. I swear, the things you do for friends. Finally finding a road, I look for a sign that would tell me where I was so I could get to where I needed to go. I could feel the tick of Scott's heart, his time left on earth in my head and it kept scaring me.

"Deaton!" I yell banging on the locked door to his office. I could see a light in the back room but the doors were locked, "Deaton open up, it's serious. Deaton!"

           I wait for him to open the door but he doesn't come to it. I run to the back entrance, but he locked that too. I move back to the front and look through the glass door and see him caring for the animals which just makes me angry. I knock more and ask him to open the door telling him over and over the situation but he either can't hear me or he doesn't care to listen. He wouldn't think I would lie about Scott being in trouble would he? Then again I am always doing anything to get his help.

            I look back at the glass door and curse with the most stupid idea in my head. I summon Steven to help me as I back up and ram into the door. Which was little to no advantage for me. I got a bloody nose and a look from Deaton that told me he was all to happy to ignore me. Which doesn't matter because I should have known because it wouldn't be that easy.

"That was pathetic." Steven says hardly able to contain his own laughter. It echos in the corner of my mind. I hold my nose with one hand cursing the fact it didn't work.

"He sees me, why won't he open the damn door!"

            I try again letting Steven's force protect me as I run like there was no obstacle. Hearing the glass shatter gave me a bit of happiness before I realize I was in a world of pain and that I would have to pay for the door.

"What are you doing?" Deaton says both surprised, but more out of breath because of anger.

"It's not my fault you wouldn't open the door!" I say and then look down in shame before continuing, "I'm sorry, it's Scott," I say getting up off of the floor wondering how I was supposed to get all of the glass out of my skin, if I hadn't already set myself up to be dead, "He's in the woods, and he's sort of bleeding out with some not really understandable werewolf vs. hunter wounds."

"Stay here, get everything cleaned up and ready, I'll call you when I get the details on what I need." he leaves leaving me to cry out in pain while bleeding all over his office and with all of the animals that might as well give me allergies in ten minutes tops.

            I go to the bathroom and pull out the pieces of glass with some tweezers despite the pain that I was going through. Later getting rags to clean the blood up off of the floor. I get the table ready for some weird form of operation, jeez, forget I said that. I pull out some of the basic things needed, and I get all of the other things out after I get the call. Or at least I tried to... I have no Idea what half of the things he said were. They arrive shortly later, and seeing Scott looking even worse, I want to throw out all of my guts feeling that it was somehow all my fault. And I knew it was. Funny that just moments after the feeling in my stomach comes, and I am swallowed in a pit of pain. Is Scott going to die? This pain I feel... it is worse than I've felt the other times. Last time I felt like this... Derek was dying

"Hey Aileen, come here."

"Oh dear god, I cannot help you operate on him." I say sure I'm going to throw out something. I feel a little scared about how embarrassed I will be after this all blows over. But can the future really ensure that this will blow over? Who's going to be on that table next.

"Scott needs to try to heal a little more before I start helping him out. As for you, I can get you fixed."

"This is going to hurt isn't it."

"You will come to know me as someone who doesn't bring good news often."

"Dang it." I say bracing myself for more pain.

            I take off my jacket a little hesitantly, and he starts giving me some stitches on my arm trying to keep my mind off of the entire fixation process. The fact that he never really cared about my scars made me feel more comfortable around him. Being able to not have that barrier luring there.

"Well, I've been meaning to ask, how did you find Scott in the woods? I didn't exactly tell you where he was."

"A magician never reveals his secrets. Besides, if there was a hunter vs. werewolf thing going on then that would mean near the Hale house. Now, where did you get that scar." that thing I said about the barrier not being there... I lied.

"I liked you up until then," I say putting my jacket back on feeling exposed,"Who do you think gave it to me?"

"Oh. Should have known right,"

"Yeah," I say turning to Scott. Fear returned with the feeling of all of this being my fault on my mind. But how was I supposed to know this would happen to him.

"He's going to be fine."

"Yeah, right." I say making my way to the wall and sitting down scared. The pain in my stomach did seem to leave me a bit. I fold my hands together ready to pray, but what are the odds of getting through to a god that has to deal with all of the humans in the world. Who is there to take away all of the supernatural after they pass? Where do I go once I pass?

"You'd figure that out if you would have just chosen not to play with life." Steven says, his voice getting angrier. Returning to the old him. I could feel the surroundings around me shaking and His yelling continue, "Why! You trapped me here! For your own stupid reasons. Which you can hardly remember, but I can. I'm not supposed to take care of your doings. Let me out!"

"Control your pet Aileen." Deaton says calmly.

"Yeah, right." I say, bottling up all of Steven's anger, and turning it into my fears and sorrows. What did Steven mean? Not that it's too important. Scott is the most aching problem for me right now.

           Please live.

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