Happy Days

Short story I wrote when I was bored. I say short. I mean very short.

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1. Happy Days

The hamlet of Dorlich lay abreast the rolling hills of the English countryside, the patchwork of fields running on into the hazy distance. The sky had streaks of white cutting through the immense blue, and cotton wool hung lethargicly overhead. One road ran through Dorlich, and at this moment it was occupied by a single open-roofed car.

Driving this car was the detective Elchbury Mulch, who sported a white baseball cap and a suit, his ginger hair burst from beneath his hat and cascaded down his back. Next to him was Melborp, an incompetent assistant who only got the job because he made a mean cup of tea.

‘Tell me again why we’re going here?’

Melborp asked, cocking his head to one side

‘Because, I just feel like we need to be away from it all, oh for goodness sake put some suncream on, you’re turning a delightful shade of lobster!’ Elchbury replied

‘But… why here?’

Elchbury ignored him, and turned the radio up, letting Edvard Grieg’s ‘Morning mood’ ring out across the country. A few minuted later, the car crunched to a halt outside the inn that would be hosting them for the weekend, a sign swung gently in the breeze, emblazoned with the words ‘The Happy Days Inn’. The letters were sun bleached, and the paint was peeling at the sides. Elchbury squinted up and read the sign out loud, he rolled the words around in his mouth, ‘Happy Days’. It seemed so familiar, but why? He shrugged, and started taking the suitcases into the inn.

The door flew open, and the detective strode through, he smiled at the locals who were now scowling with disapproval. Flicking his head upwards he shouted to the barman,

‘Aha, barkeep, pour my friend and I a nice tall glass of bitter!’

The barman grimaced, and promptly poured the drinks. The pair sat down on the barstools and drank the whole pint in one gulp. Wide eyed, the barman stuttered,

‘uh…uh d-do you want another?’

Elchbury nodded, and Melborp tapped his glass in approval. No sooner had his lips touched the bubbling liquid, the glass fell from his grip, and smashed to pieces, showering the floor in shards of glass and beer.

‘For goodness sake Melborp, are you really that incompetent!’ Elchbury shouted

Melborp looked sheepishly at the floor. The Barman peeked over the edge of the bar to analyse the extent of the damage, he gasped. The mess had gone. His jaw now wide open, the barman stumbled backwards, and ran out the back of the bar. A local man who sat next to the pair started quivering, unsure of what to make of the situation. He slurped his tea, and disappeared, a pile of dust where he used to be. Elchbury swivelled on his heels, and to his astonishment, an old lady with eccentric hair let out a startled ‘oh’, and burst into dust. One after the other like a sequence of fireworks, the locals started to explode into dust,

Pop

Pop

Pop

And then, as there was some kind of knot tightening around them, they too exploded. It felt like their guts were being wrenched from their body’s, each joint feeling like it was being crushed and pulled apart simultaneously. A blinding white light filled Elchbury’s field of vision. The detective blinked, his sight slowly returning. He felt dizzy, through the white light, he coul make out a fuzzy green shape, he blinked again, the image becoming sharper. In front of him stood a tall, bulbous headed, alien.

‘Ah, hello there Mr. Mulch, glad you could make it, welcome to the Happy Days’ It spoke in a vaguely German accent. The alien extended a tentacle, gesturing with its head to shake it. Elchbury tentatively shook the tentacle, smiled and said,

‘Where am I?’

Melborp still looked dazed, but mumbled something about wanting to know his where abouts as well. The alien started to explain. ‘Well, you see this is my ship, the ‘Happy Days’, we are now thirteen point five lightyears from earth, yes? Well anyway, we created you a few years back, along with your companion, Melborp,’ It chuckled ‘oh, I’m dreadfully sorry, there was a mistake in cloning him, so we called him problem, but backwards yes? Just a little joke okay. Anywho, so we created you, but when we tried to transport you to our home, the transportation matrix glitched, and sent you to Earth instead, we managed to maintain a mental link with you though, so we implanted the words ‘Happy Days’ into your head, that is why you felt drawn to that place!’ The alien gestured around him at the locals ‘you’ll have to forgive me, when we sensed you, we tried to transport you hear, but because of the distance the accuracy was a little off, haha!’ Elchbury smiled, he was at home.

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