I Can't.

A story for the TFIOS competition, Option 2.
Feedback would be most appreciated.

I got the idea for this story from Isaac and Monica's break-up in TFIOS and I hope you enjoy it!

~Awesome cover by C.H. Potter~

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5. Chapter Four

Mrs Johnson calling...

Jake's mum. It's Jake's mum calling. Oh my God. Oh my God, what if he didn't make it? What if he's dead?! 

I just sit there, because for some reason, I can't bring myself to answer. I can't bring myself to speak to her. 

So I let it go to voicemail.

"H-hi, it's J-Joan, I mean, Jake's...Jake's mum," She's sobbing already, but when she says that, she breaks down entirely, "Jake...J-Jake didn't, he didn't m-make it th-through the, the operation, Lily. Oh my God, he didn't m-make it, Lily, he didn't. He didn't make it. Jake, Jake, he didn't make it. I...I just thought that, y-you, y-you might," She takes in a shaky breath, "you might want to know. O-okay, bye." 

The room spins. I fall back onto the sofa, winded by her words. My chest constricts; I can't breathe. No, wait, I can't believe, can't believe it. 

Jake's dead. 

Jake's dead.

Dead. 

Tears stream down my face uncontrollably and I gasp for air. My body rocks with sobs and I wail and wail, alone on the sofa. The salty droplets never seem to end and I weep until I fall asleep.

Hours later, I wake up. The door has just opened and my mum's walking over to me.

"Lily? Lily?! Lily, what's up love?" She rushes over and sits next to me.

"Jake, Mum, it's Jake; it's Jake, oh my God. Mum, Jake didn't m-make  the surgery, oh God, he died and I dumped him and-"

"Lily, Lily, oh my God, no," Mum pulls me in tight and I sit with her, "oh, Lily, I'm so, so sorry. Poor Jake...poor Joan, oh God." And she starts to cry and I cry too and we sit there, cuddling each other.

Outside, the night that was so beautiful a week ago, is pitch black. And sitting there, with my Mum, the final answer comes to me.

I shouldn't have let Jake go. I should have been there the whole time; I should have held his hand when he took his last breath. 

Because now, he'll never know that I loved him. He'll never know that, for two years, all I ever thought about was his smile.

I want to go back.

I want to go back to that night in the field and tell him that I love him and stay with him there. I want so badly to go back and change everything.

But I know the truth:

I can't.

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