Life as I know it has ended.

For the competition of alternate ending, but if it doesn't win, here is the Alternate ending- Well, actually more like what happened six months later...

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1. Long time coming.

I remember his laugh and his crooked smile; I remember everything about Augustus Waters. Six months it has been without him.When I went to collect some of Gus’s things I took his laptop, I have never been able to bare to look at it, let alone even go on it. But I had had enough, I knew what I needed to do before it was too late, before I lose myself to war, in my head- not my lungs.

I looked and he had one email from Peter van Houten, and I knew what I needed to write.

Dear, Peter Van Houten

What if every day was infinity? What if you could spend your life doing what you wanted and making the most of it? What If there were no cares, stress, or deadlines. What if time didn't dictate your life because aren't we all prisons of time? What if just once in our lives broke out of the time zones? We went to bed at 9am and woke up at 9pm. Went to McDonalds at 2am-who the hell is stopping you?

That’s what it was like living with Augustus waters.

The thing is in life If you want to go sky diving you do that!, if you want a lazy day watching ANTM you do that. Want to eat 10 pizzas you go and do that. Your dream job is to be an astronaut you reach for the sky. Do whatever makes YOU happy and don't care what people think. Life is the biggest journey you'll have make the most of it by being happy, being crazy, but most importantly being YOU. Life takes you on journeys that you would never ever imagine you'll make new friends who are just as sane as you are. But you'll also lose old friends ,But it’s all going to be okay, it doesn't matter if you'll never see those friends again because you have the memory's, you have those locked in your head forever. Embrace it.

That’s what it was like living with Augustus waters.

Appreciate the small things in life like trees! Without them we'd all be dead, plus they make fantastic Instagram photo's! What about fingers, without them I couldn't be typing this. The wind blowing on a hot summers day giving us the cool breeze we all so long to feel. Post-it notes-, I would be lost without them, how would I remember what page number I was on? The sound of rain against your window at night, knowing that you’re all safe and dry but the rhythm of the pitter, pattter. When was the last time you thought about shoes? Every single day you put on a pair of shoes, just thinking it is the norm. You may have a favourite pair of shoes? You know you should appreciate that you have them because they are a luxury to some people. What about lungs, breathing in deep, and breathing out a steady rhythm. Just look at the world around you and appreciate every small thing, that make you smile in life.  You know you’re living the dream when the flowers look sharper, and you understand what the birds are singing about. You know you’re in love when you’re looking at him and he is looking at you and time stands still. Maybe for a second or forever but you don’t know. You know this love will never fade because you feel like he is taking your breath away and you can’t even breath on your own. Since he is everything you want and need in life.

That’s what it was like living with Augustus Waters.

Imagine waking up crying and screaming. Imagine not eating. Imagine never reading. Imagine doing nothing but staring at your phone waiting for someone to call- who will never even walk again. Pain, heart ache and depression- is your only company. Not wanting to open your curtains because it will remind you of him. Ignoring your parents or any nurses that want to try and help. Since you don’t want to see the world without him. Knowing that each breath your can feel your whole world coming down. Except you know it’s not your breath it’s the nasal Cannula's not your own breath. Knowing that he would want you to live a long happy life, but not being able because you’re so angry that he has left you alone. When you thought you’d die before him, and selfishly wanted to.  Angry at God, at the world but mostly yourself because you know, people have it worse. Angry at the way you handle things.
Angry at the way you have given up.
Angry because you don’t want to fight.
Angry because you’re hopeless.
Angry because you’re not angry any more.
Drowning, 
        Falling 
           Screaming 
                Hopeless
                   Darkness
                           Black
                          
          That is what it’s like living without Augustus Waters.

Because Peter Van Houten, I know you have been in my shoes. I know what it has done to you and heaven forbid; I did not want that to happen to me. But it did. Death took me by the hands and pushed me off a cliff (I knew Augustus liked metaphors there’s one for you)But always remember, you may be on a roller coaster only going up right now but what goes up must come down! You know what Peter Van Houten that is just life.

Yours sincerely
Hazel Grace Lancaster. 

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