I'm Trying (Completed)

I can't lie. I know he loves me. At least I think he does. I don't know what's real and what isn't, and I blame everyone. How do you fix a problem like this. You don't, you just don't. But what I did to him is horrible. He will never ever be able to fix it either. I know he wishes he could but he can't. If there was a solution to this goddammit someone tell me. I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of living in general. At this moment I knew exactly how to fix this, It's not the best way, but to me It's the only way. He's gonna hate me. But I won't be here for him to tell me that ...


Kay so this is my first story and I know I'm not very good but I really just have ideas and I'm trying to turn them into something good so here my best shot at it. Please be completely honest about it.

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20. Midnight Memories

Xena's P.O.V.

Xena's P.O.V.

After the bonefire, Perrie got a phone call. Suprise rehersal for Little Mix's tour. She had to pack up and go before our trip would be over. We all hugged her and wished her the best on the new choreography. Some days, I was glad I wasn't famous. Tours, choerograpghy, signings, press, it must be overwhleming. I was glad the boys could handle it so well. Why was I thinking about this? Why, because everyone in our tent is snoring. In sync, as if it could get any worse. Not even my pillow over my ears can muffle the sound they make.

I cannot take it anymore. I wiggled out of my sleeping bag, and tiptoed my butt out of there, phone in hand. I walked around the surrounding lake a bit, until I found a nice sized spot. I layed out a beach towel I had brought with me, and quietly placed my self upon it. I stuck my earbuds in and began to gaze at the stars. They lit up the sky like little fireworks, yet they stayed in place. I often wondered about them, and other things for that matter. Like, if you die, if you could choose to be like them. To light up the sky so brightly, to cause others to wonder about who you used to be, or just to simply let their minds wander at the thought of you.

That's when I realised my music wasn't even on.

I flipped it on, and it came to one of my favorite songs, I listened to it, giving it my full attention.

If you're pretending from the start,

like this.

With a tight grip,

then my kiss,

can mend your broken heart.

I might miss,

everything you said to me.

And I can lend you broken parts,

that might fit,

like this.

And I will give you all my heart.

So we can start it all over again.

I closed my eyes and smiled just as it went into Zayn's solo. His voice was so melodic, so deep yet sweet. And yet it could change and go so high within seconds of any song, and I loved that range. This was also my absoulte favorite song. When I first heard it, I can honestly say I teared up, and possibly cried a bit. The lyrics were so deep, and they held so much meaning too me. I let my smile take up my face, and I lost myself in song.

But then I felt my earbuds ripped out of my ears.

My eyes flew open and I sat up straight.

When I looked behind me I saw Zayn, on his knees, earbuds hovering by his ears as he tried to make out the song it was. I snatched them back, but I saw his smirk.

"Over Again? I didn't know you liked that one," he said with that grin that made my insides melt.

"It happens to be one of my favorites, yes."

"Hmm."

"Hmm, what?"

"Usually when you ask a fan there favorite song it's one of the more popular ones."

"So I'm not ordinary, I figured that one out a while ago."

"As have I," he said sweetly.

I pushed a stray bang behind my ear and bent my head down so he wouldn't see the heat that had just made its way into my cheeks. Why were they blushing? That freaking accent. It was like butter, smooth as ever.

"I meant not in a good way."

"I think you are."

"You don't even know me all that well!"

"We could fix that."

"As soon as you get to know me you'll think I'm crazy."

"I don't think that's going to happen."

I just shook my head at him. Why couldn't he just drop this?

"Ever stop to think that you never had a boyfriend because you never let anyone in? That maybe you were always taught to be someone who was too careful in life and always had to watch for someone crossing their fingers behind their back?"

I stayed silent. He was spot on. I was raised to look out for anything that might hurt me, anything unusual that might seem unsafe, I had cut out of my life so long ago. But there was something about Zayn. Something bad about him, that was so bad it was good. It was like someone waving chocolate in front of your face, but you know you shouldn't have it because it would ruin your diet. Before my thoughts could wander any further, he spoke again.

"Why don't you come take a ride on the wild side for once, angel?"

Angel. He called me angel.

He offered his hand out to mine, and I took it cautiously. He pulled me to my feet, and did that side smirk, and I wondered what he was thinking.

Zayn's POV

Girl's like her, sure they are common. You can tell by the way they compose themseleves. Prim and proper, with amazing vocabularies, and careful to not let anyone get too close to their hearts. Normally I would avoid those type of girls. But when I saw her there by the lake, the reflection on her black tank top and shorts, and she lied there with her eyelashes fluttering upon her cheeks, I couldn't help but think that she was one of the most breathtaking sights I had ever come across.

Now she walks beside me, fixing her long brunette hair, but when the light hits it, it looks a redish color. She's been quiet. Too quiet.

"So what made you leave your tent?"

"All the girls were snoring, in sync."

"Ah."

"You?"

"The boys were also doing that."

"Oh," she said in a tone that made me look over at her. Her face held a type of sadness, or dissapointment.

"What? You thought I'd come just to see you?" I joked.

She gasped and tried to right herself. "No it was just-"

"I was teasing."

She laughed. "You're a piece a of work arent you?"

"I could say the same about you."

"You think that everything you say is sooooooo smooth don't you?" She put a wave in her head as she carried out the "sooooooo", making her seem tough, sassy even.

"Seems to be working," I mentioned, eyeing down at her. I was only slightly taller than her, about a head's height, but I was mentioning the space between us. Like when we had built the tent, the gap between us had closed, and we were closer. She took a step back, still deathly quiet as she kept her head directed to the ground. This time, we both remained silent, until she spoke, her voice quieter than a whisper.

"Why am I drawn to you like a magnet?"

"I couldn't tell you. But it might be the same reason I am drawn to you."

She looked into my eyes in utter confusion. "Why would you even think of me in a way other than ridiculous, childish, or hideous?"

"Because you're the exact opposite of all three of those things. And because...I think I love you."

I didn't even realise how much I meant those words as I said them until I saw her face. It lit up and her eyes became teary, like no one had ever told her how much she had meant to them before. "Say it again. So I know this is real life."

"Xena, from the first moment I met you, you capitaved me in a way I couldn't understand. You give off such a personality that draws us together, like an unknown force is pushing us towards each other, telling us not to let something so precious just go to waste. I think that is what I would call love, and I love you."

She just shook her head. "I want to kiss you so badly."

"Then fuck the rules and get over here angel."

She took one step towards me and the next thing I knew our lips were touching, In any doubt that had filled my mind in the past 24 hours, vansihed. I wanted her, and I knew she wanted me. And as long as we loved each other, that was all I would ever need in my life. I held her waist and pulled her towards me as her hands found there way into my hair and we kissed so passionatley that when we finished, we both took a deep breath in as we stared into each others eyes.

"I love you too, Zayn Malik. With every bone in my body. God, with every emotion in my heart I love you," she said, and I kissed her forehead.

We made our way back to where her towel was, and she sat in my lap, us both listening to her music as the moon shone upon us.

Louis's P.O.V

I lay in the tent with the five guys next to me. I saw Zayn get up a while ago, huffing because the snoring wouldn't stop. He left, and he didn't come back yet. So for now, it was Harry, Liam, and Niall.

When I saw everyone at the bonefire tonight, next to their girlfriends, finding new ones, breaking up with old ones, it made me think of how much I missed Eleanor. She was with family, her mother was sick in the hospital, so she couldn't come with. I mean I understood why she couldn't be here, but damn did I miss her.

*cling*

I sat up and ruffled through my bag for my phone. I thought I had turned it off for the night, but when I saw who the text was from, I was glad it was on.

One new message from Lois Lane...

I opened up and saw the message. It read: Hey Superman, how's the trip going?

I replied: All is going well. Miss you...

*cling*

Glad to hear all is well. I miss you too. SO much <3

I smiled at the screen, wishing I could see that brown hair and hazel eyes again. Is all well with your mom>?

*cling*

Yes. She is doing well now. It was just a heart attack. The doc says she will be able to recover fully. :)

I smiled. That's great. So glad to hear that!

*cling*

Most exciting thing that has happened on the trip?

I thought about this carefully. Toss up between Liam and Taylor getting engaged and Zayn and Perrie splitting.

It hadn't even been 2 seconds when I heard the *cling*

HOLY CRAP! Tell Liam and Taylor I am so happy for them, and WHAT?!?!

I giggled quietley so I wouldn't wake the others.

Will do. Perrie and Zayn decided to split. They both aren't too torn up about it cause' they are still best friends. Zayn and Xena is a suspition but not confirmed.

*cling*

I guess that's okay. I want updates though.

While I was replying, I noticed Liam smiling evil above my phone. "Dude, what is your deal, it's almost midnight!" He exclaimed.

"Sorry, it's Eleanor. She wants to chat, because it's like 2pm where she is. Not my fault."

"You could turn your volume down."

I stayed silent. Then turned my volume down, so it would vibrate insted. "There."

"Thank You, but I'm awake now."

"FYI, not my problem," I smiled.

"Fine, I'm going out. I need fresh air."

"Come back before the bears get you,"

"Oh shut up Louis."

I smiled, and he left the tent.

I turned back to my reply: I'll keep you updated.

*cling*

Thanks. Look Louis, I got to go. Sorry my Superman.

I sighed. She was a busy girl, I knew that. But I hated ending our conversations.

Okay. Goodbye my Lois Lane.

*cling*

Okay. Goodbye my Superman.

And she disconnected, much to my dismay. I sighed, and fell back inot my pillow, as my screen turned off, no longer illuminating the tent. My face went smooothered into my pillow and I gave off a mini scream out of frusteration that she wasn't here, and then I fell back alseep, slowly, then all at once.

Liam's P.O.V

When I finally got out of the tent, the fresh air hit me like a black eye. Not cold, but not warm. Crisp and fresh and...oh it was nice compared to the man smells that lurk inside our tent. I did intend just to stay out here for a while, but there was no way I was re-entering the pit that held our farting contest earlier. Man, that Niall can whip up one heck of a stinker.

So I walked over to the girls tent. I peeked inside to find myself counting to come to the conclusion that there was one missing girl. Whatever, I was only after my girl. Taylor was lying there peacefully, fast asleep. I debated on weither or not to wake her. After thinking for a few minutes, I decided to get her up for a little bit.

The real challenge was to get to Taylor through all their bags, and stuff, and without waking anyone else up. I had carefully, and quietly tiptoed my way to where Taylor was sleeping. She mumbled something then hummed. I lightly shook her shoulder, knowing she was easy to wake up. She woke up instantly.

"Liam ?" she voice quite, and tired.

"Yeah, grab hoodie or something, and meet me outside the tent." With that I quietly left the tent. Not even 2 minutes later she came out of the tent, I immediately picked her up bridal style.

She lightly giggled, "what are you doing ?"

"What feels right. You're my soon-to-be bride, and I just want the wedding to be now, not in 8 months from now, not 2 years from now. Just right now, I love you, and want to call you my wife for the end of time." I passionately kissed her for what felt like forever, but she pulled away.

"I love you," she whispered in my ear softly, using her thumb to stroke my cheek.

"I love you too," I replied.

I carried her this way until we reached the logs at which we had our bonefire earlier. It was far enough away from camp, and quiet, so there was only us around.

"So what flavour should our cake be?"

"Hmmnnn," she pondered. "Vanilla."

"Not Chocolate?"

"Chocolate is good, but so overdone. Especially at weddings. Let's be outside the box and go for Vanilla."

"Alright then," I agreeded, taking her hip and pulling her closer to me. She giggled and then asked me a question.

"Location?"

"I'm thinking of somewhere close to home in London."

"Doesn't sound too bad."

"Maybe a big cathedrial," she said.

"But we aren't religious."

"Don't have to be to appreciate beautiful stained glass windows, the huge alter, room for a grand enterance, the large piano that will play when I walk towards you, and not to mention the uncomfy chairs for our guests to sit in," she smiled as I laughed.

"There are some pretty nice cathedrials in London, I do have to admit."

There was a paused before I asked, "Who will be you're maid of honor?"

"That's an easy one, Kyra."

"Oh?"

"We've been together since we were 14 months old."

"I guess that makes sense."

She smiled largly before asking, "And the honeymoon?"

"Anywhere you want to go babe," I said, leaning in to leave soft kisses upon her neck.

"I've always wanted to go to Egypt for some weird reason," she confessed.

"The world is our playground, and you'd pick Egypt?" I asked with a raised eyebrow to which she slapped me lightly.

"Don't make fun! I'm sure there were things you've wanted to do since you were little."

"I always did want to bathe in Dorito's."

"And you thought Egypt was weird," she said, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

"I know another place you could explore on our honeymoon," I whispered, making her slap me once more.

"You're a sick-minded pervert, you know that?"

"But you love me anyways."

"With those damn puppy dog eyes-"

"How can you resist them," I commented, pulling them out with a lip pout.

She kissed my pout, long and passionatley, and I gripped her waist and pulled her towards me like we were a puzzle. Our pieces were the only two left in the world, and I wanted to finish this damn puzzle, right now. We were both panting heavily as we touched our foreheads together, momintarily stopped.

"I love you so much, and I like the way it feels to say it," she said.

"I love you so much, and I count the days until I can make you mine."

Amy's P.O.V.

My blanket was layed perfectly. My head found the right spot on my pillow. My body was relaxed and comfertable in my sleeping bag, and you want to know what happens? Harry shows up in my tent, with a board game of all things.

"Wanna come play?"

"No Harry, I want to fucking sleep."

"Oh come on, it's around two in the morning, and I'll have you back in bed by 3am!"

"But I'm cooooommmmmffffyyyyyyy," I whined.

"Please?"

I gave him a look that reassured him I would break every bone in his body if I had to get up, but as I was prepared to give him that look, he looked at me first, with that look. It's like pouty, sad and sexy all in one, and it made me groan and get up. I noticed Taylor and Xena were missing from the tent, but hey, maybe they just had to go in the bush, none of my buisness. Kyra startled as I stepped over her.

"W-Whaz goin' on?" She muttered, half alseep.

"Go back to bed Kyra."

I didn't have to tell her twice, her head sunk back into the pillow and her breathing became rythimic. I tried to pat down some of my bed head, and made my way out of the tent to a giddy Harry. "Only one game," I told him. "Now, what are we playing?"

"Sorry!"

"You have got to be fucking kiding me."

"What?"

"You pulled me out of bed at two in the morning to play Sorry! with you?"

"Precisley."

I sighed. "Then I call being Blue."

He set it up, and put the pieces in motion with his first card, a two. I could swear he was already cheating somehow when my next couple flips turned out to be 5's and I couldn't move. I sighed as he flipped over a 10, and giddily moved his piece. He was like a kid in a candy shop, until my next four moves turned out to be all the Sorry!'s in the deck. The look on his face was so priceless, I couldn't help but laugh. And the little breath intake made me only laugh harder.

"You're cheating!" He exclaimed.

"You're the one who shuffled, genious."

"I shuffled so those cards would go to me, not you!"

"So you were the one who was cheating!"

"You expected me not to?"

I grabbed the deck and shuffled it fairly before beginning again.

"How is that fair? You fix it after I'm screwed!"

"Should have thought of that before you cheated."

We continued the game, and he won depsite me kicking his ass earlier. I yawned and checked my phone. It read 3:02.

"It's passed three."

"I know, I'm packing up."

"It's actually two after three, so you lied when you said you would have me back in bed by three."

"Impatient aaren't we?"

"When you wake me up this early to kick my ass with board game peices than yes."

I took the pillow I had been sitting on, and the blanket i had brought with me for the chill, and layed them out on the log. I had no energy to make it back to the tent, nor the intention. I sighed, and closed my eyes.

"Babe, what are you doing?" Harry questioned.

"Sleeping, I'm tired."

"Scooch over," he said, sitting where my head had been.

"Now your sitting on my pillow."

"I think my lap makes a better one."

I smiled at him, and took up his offer. I was lucky to have him. As much as he could be a complete ass, extremely dumb, and beyond funny, he was also the best boyfriend you could ever have. I remember this one time everyone forgot my birthday about a year ago, and then he sat on my doorstep with a dozen red roses. I remembered how hard I hugged him, and how long it lasted. When I put the keys in my door, I was suprised wtith a suprise party like Kyra's earlier this year, and he told me later he made everyone promise to forget so he could really suprise me. That was also the night we shared our first kiss. Him, in a dark purple button up shirt, myself in a green knee length dress, and two lips connnected on my back porch as the sun went down.

It was thoughts like these that not only made me smile, but also helped me drift off into an intense sleep.

Harry's P.O.V.

Her breathing was rythemic as her head lay in my lap. I run my fingers through her hair. That dark brown hair, so beautiful as it made her green eyes pop. I couldn't believe I had 10 great friends, 5 amazing boys to tour with, and the most beautiful girlfriend. Beautiful doesn't even begin to cover her beauty, but they haven't invented the right word to describe my unique woman, so that was the best I could do.

I remember the first time I heard All Of Me by John Legend. I was with Amy, and it became something special to us. I remembered being able to compare her, myself, and us into the lyrics. Her smart mouth, how she meant the world to us, and how we were bothing giving ourselves to one another, in more ways than one. We were so perfect together, and I remember that night when she was asleep, saying the same thing I was about to say now.

"I love you," I whispered into the night, wishing she could hear.

I don't know why it is so hard to say to her. We both know we love each other, but we've never actually said it. Maybe I was afraid of how strong my feelings really were for her. I know one day I'll be able to say it to her loud and confidently, but I am always afraid of what her response will be. I mean, I know we feel the same way, I know it, and my heart knows it, but somehow my brain won't register this fact. But one of these days, I'm going to scream it so loud it will echo, and she will finally know just how far my feelings go for her. How far I'd go for her. I sighed at my stupidity to the moon, and then looked down at her again, and carefully moved her head back onto the pillow.

I layed below her, deciding I'd better get some sleep myself, and peaceful dreams came as we both slept under the moons careful watch.

Niall's P.O.V (A/N Fina-Freaking-ly!)

I snuck out of the boys tent, not that this was too hard to acomplish with 3 of them gone. I figured if they were out for too long I'd go searching for them, but I didn't. Insted I had made plans with Kyra earlier to meet up at 3:30am. It wasn't midnight, but we wanted a bit of sleep first. I made my way to her tent, to notice no one left but her. I kneeled by her passed out body. Those dark eyelashed fluttering above her cheeks. To be honest, it used to be cute watching her sleep, but after all we've been through, I didn't like it anymore. I shook her awake, needing to see those eyes open again.

"N-Niall?"

"Yes, it's me Kyra," I reassured her, rubbing her upper arm sweetly. Not rushing her.

"Mmmn, hello," she whispered, still half asleep.

"Dreaming of something nice I hope?"

"Not really, but I don't really get much but nightmares anymore," she admitted.

I rubbed her arm again, "I wish I could fight those off for you."

"You do."

"How?"

"Everytime I get to open my eyes to you, my world seems right side up again."

I smiled at her, and pulled her slowly to her feet. She smiled and kissed me lightly upon the lips. I was suprised by her confidence in taking the lead, and she led me back out of the tent. I place my right hand on her hip, her left one on my back, and we began our little walk, slow and steady.

Kyra's P.O.V

When we passed by camp, we saw Harry and Amy asleep, Sorry! by the fireplace. They were lucky the flame was out. We could see that their hands were intertwined in a locked hold as we passed. When we passed by into the woods, we heard Taylor and Liam talking. Planning something by the sounds of it. Their wedding, Niall said. Niall also mentioned that Louis was on the phone with Eleanor earlier, a huge grin plastered to his face. When we passed by the lake, we saw Xena laying next to Zayn, both of them sleeping next to one another, her hand drapped over his chest, with earbuds in their ears.

We walked a little further into the other woods across the other side of the lake, farther from camp than I had been yet. I was walking when I heard my ankle crack, and then I felt it bend sideways slightly as I stepped on some uneven torrain. I gasped, and brought that foot up, hopping. Niall swung me up into his arms, off my feet, taking my mind away from the quick, sharp pain. He sat me down on a fallen tree. He bent down and looked at it.

"It's not broken, or sprained. You just need a tention bandage around it, he said reaching into his jacket pocket.

"Why do you carry those with you?" I ask as he pulls it out, unraveling it.

"You do this alot," he smiled at me, as he slipped my Converse off, and began to wrap my foot in it. "Too tight?"

"Nope," I anwsered him as he continued. There was a silence before I let out a small giggle at my thoughts.

"What are you giggling about," he asked, a grin wide on his face.

"When my mom was trying to catch me up on my past life, she said I was an accident...and I've had two big ones since then, plus this small one. I guess I really am an accident."

His face fell almost instantley, and his eyes became somewhat glossy. His breathing became somewhat uneven and he sniffed back as his hand flew to his eyes. Covering them so I wouldn't see. "Niall, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

He took his hands away from his eyes and I could see a couple of tears he hadn't bothered to wipe away. He took a deep breath before beginning.

"Kyra, those accidents, are days I wish I could erase from our past. It's days where I've never been more scared. But I knew that we are forever, because our love is infinite. Not we were, we are. Because I believe our meeting was not an accident. It was fate. I do not believe those accidents were meant to happen, I believe they were tests to see just what our love could go through. I refuse to believe you are an accident, because you are not, your amazing, talented, and beautiful, and a girl that I would throw myself in front of a double decker bus for. I believe you and I are meant to be for reasons I cannot explain. I believe you're a lot of things but you're not an accident. And even if you were, you're MY accident. And I'm not letting you slip out of my grip for another second, and I apologise for that, but you are my one and only, and I'm lost without you."

"Niall, I-"

I was going to say something. But then suddenly I couldn't see straight. I couldn't comprehend anything. All I knew was that there was a pain unlike any other I've ever known erupting behind my forehead. I put a hand to my forehead as the world spun before me. I could hear Niall asking me what was wrong, but his voice was faint and far away. Before I knew it, while I was still sitting up, darkness consumed me faster than life itself, and that was the last thing I remember.

Niall's P.O.V

She lost her words, and her eyes became somewhat almost...empty. She reached a hand up to her forehead, and I tried to ask her what was wrong. But before I knew it, she just bent foreward and collapsed upon the ground, falling off the tree at which she had been sitting on. Her eyes were closed again, but no matter how many times I said her name, or lightly shook her, they wouldn't open again.

Before I could react, I just picked her up, her head heavy against the start of my shoulder, her one hand on my chest, the other hanging limp off my arms. Her feet were hanging limply, and bouncing in the air as I ran all the way around the lake. I was screeching for help the entire way. Trying to wake up anyone around. I saw two figures neardown by the lake get up and begin to run, one towards me, one back towards where the vans were parked.

It was Zayn coming my way, and Xena running for the van.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I don't know she just collapsed, we need to get her to a hospital. Now."

"Xena's starting the van and calling the nearest hospital. As far as I know it is about 30 minutes away. 15 if I drive."

"Then you get to drive," I panted, still running alongside him.

"Dude, she looks a little pale."

"You are not helping."

We reached the van and the rest happened in a blur. We would be takng one of the vans, and Xena would stay and round up the rest of the gang to get in the other van and meet us there. Xena said the hospital said that they were ready for her arrival and she had already explained Kyra's background. She had also folded one row of seats down so Kyra could lay flat on the ground, me kneeling next to her. Xena handed Zayn the car key's and hugged him before running off to grab the others. Zayn hopped in the front seat and pulled out of the campground so fast I had to use one hand to keep myself grounded, but I didn't let go of what my other hand was holding. Which was Kyra's hand.

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