1. Chapter 1
Dear Hazel Grace Lancaster,
May I start with an apology? I once told you that I feared oblivion. It seems to me now that oblivion seems only minute compared to another fear that has engulfed me in the last few days. I never told you and for that I apologise with all my might. That may seem insignificant if you consider physical strength seeing as at the moment I am hardly able to stand or keep down a meal. However, emotionally it is infinitive. I fear that I will leave you and there is a possibility that in death there is never a chance to see you again. Not even after you must join me. And that terrifies me Hazel Grace. To never see your face. To never hear your laugh. It belongs in my nightmares that have been cast away to the bottom of my brain. That have been banished to what can only be described as my oblivion.
I want to now follow on with a gratitude. You have made me better Hazel Grace. You've made me stronger in ways I cannot really describe and the eternity of grateful that I feel is impossible to express. We've been on an adventure, we've fallen in love. And you've made me fall in love with the world again. Made me see how brilliant and remarkable it can be it you look. You brightened it up for me. And for the first time I might just miss it. But only if you are part of it.
You're due to visit me at 2 so I don't have much longer to write this. If your mother is true to her word then she will not send this to you until a week after your operation. I may have to aplogise again because you will not of been aware of this operation until the very last moment and then still not been able to know the truth for its reason. That is my fault. I asked them not to tell you because you are my sweet Hazel Grace and I can only imagine the reaction if they had told you the truth. I cannot give you much, I'm afraid it's just not in my power anymore. So I did the best I could. Now I can die smiling because you will carry on smiling as you live. I can never get enough of your smile.
I gave you my lungs Hazel Grace. That is my last gift.