the gun didn't work out

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  • Published: 9 Jun 2014
  • Updated: 29 Nov 2014
  • Status: Complete
So if you're reading this, you've found yourself a life story, mine to be exact. Don't be too shocked by what you read, others probably have it worse, but I do want to mention that suicide never the solution is. Unfortunately for me, there was no one to tell me this until after the gun didn't work out, so I had learnt it the hard way.

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17. the end

hey people, this is the last chapter of this story of mine, I just wanted to thank you for reading it trough to the end, you are all amazing people!

It had been a week since the day that I've been brought back to this hell hole, in order for me to not escape they made sure they had some leverage, or in my case they would hurt Angie, Mary and their family's. You might think that they were just saying those things, but this was a clear reality for me. To make sure that I knew that they weren't just bluffing they blew up Angie's car and threw rocks trough Mary's windows.

I guess this meant that my 'family' knew where my friends lived. Auntie left for her own house and only came back when my mom went shopping and I would otherwise be left alone in the house. Brother left for Uni again and mother pretty much ignored me but made sure to check every thing I did.

In the evening I would be locked up in my room, I wasn't allowed to go to school and there were alarms put on the doors and windows. I can't live like this can I? I should just escape, I'm not an animal! But then again they would hurt my friends and the only people who accepted me.

I'm so fucking useless I should just die! Well maybe that's it, I should just kill myself. No one gets hurt and no one will ever get hurt again because of me.

''Hey little shit! Get your fat ass down here, we need to talk!'', oh great more good news, not!

I don't get it, if they hated me this much then why can't they just leave me alone? I was finally happy! I walked downstairs and stepped into living room. Auntie was here and mom as well, what's going on? 

''Since you've been so obedient we thought it would be okay to leave you alone from time to time. Would you like that?'', I was totally speechless and just stood there, opening and closing my mouth like a fish.

A sudden pain in my cheek woke me from my happy moment, auntie had hit me.

''Uhm.... y-y-yes.''. I was hesitant to answer them, was this a trick? Would they hurt me when I least expect it or something? No maybe this could be my chance at freedom.. I could run..

''Great, with that settled, go up to your room we're locking it so you don't get any funny idea's. Mary and Angel wouldn't like another 'accident', right?''. I felt my heart drop and any faint sparkle of happiness was completely obliterated.

Aunty shoved me out of the living room and up the stairs, we got to my room and she roughly grabbed my arm before throwing me against the edge of my bed. I landed with my head against the wooden bed frame and cried out in pain as I felt tears slip from my eyes. 

''Aaw does that hurt? Well though luck, you piece of crap!'', Aunt was laughing when I heard my mom screaming at her to hurry up. She hit me in the face again and spat on me, then she walked out of the door downstairs. I heard them talking then they went out of the front door which they locked. 

I crawled on the bed and the weight of everything that had happened the past few months came crashing down, how I got friends, but lost them. How my life had seemingly brightened up by them, but ended up just as far down the pit as I had been before I met Angel and Mary. No even farther, further down the black pit I came from.

The mental pain that came with having a little taste of a normal life only to be thrown down twice as hard. Finally knowing love and kindness and then having it brutally ripped from you, or someone finally caring and believing you but then being thrown right back into that hateful and spiteful surrounding you grew up in. The mental pain of finally being free, but then literally being locked up again. 

I didn't even notice that I started crying, but now that I did I couldn't stop the floods off tears welling up in my eyes. I cried and cried until my eyes dried up. I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted the mom back from before she turned into this demon, I wanted the dad back from before he always went away. But above all I wanted the brother back who used to be the sweetest person ever, but changed so much into the sadistic hateful guy he is now.

It was all way to much to bear and I felt the urge to cut gripping me tightly. Of course every even remotely sharp object had been removed and stashed away somewhere, but I really couldn't take it anymore. In fact I didn't think cutting would even help, I just wanted to die.

I felt miserable and lonely, scared and scarred. Left behind and betrayed by everything I once held dear. I had felt enough misery and just wanted to die. To be honest it wasn't a shocker that I had already been looking around for stuff that could kill.

Mom took the sharp stuff away so that wouldn't work. Pills might work, but mom would measure how many I would take and I'm sure she had the rest stashed away somewhere too. But there was one thing. Mom didn't know that I had seen dad with it, in fact I don't think mom even knows that dad has it. Which would also mean that it wouldn't be locked away.

Dad's gun.

I had seen dad carry the gun into his study, which is next to my room and I also know where he hides it. There was a problem though. I was still locked inside my room. I couldn't escape out of the window since it had an alarm, I don't have a key to the door and the only way out would be through the vent in my bathroom, but I'm too big for that. I guess I could kick the door in, it would make a lot of noise but nobody's home and it is ultimately the best option that I have. I jumped up and shot towards the door, but I stopped. 

If I'm going to die I want to at least tell my friends why, yes even my family. I grabbed three papers and wrote a letter to my family, one to Mary and one to Angel. I looked around, my room was a mess. I decided to make my bed and grabbed my backpack, I put the letters in and the only picture in my room, it was me with my mom, dad and brother.

I tested my door a bit if it was sturdy or not. I really did't have a clue so I just put my brain to stupid and threw me shoulder against the door. It hurt! The door had some cracks in it but nothing major. I repeatedly banged against the door until I finally got it to swing open, resulting in me lying on the floor with what felt like a broken shoulder.

I shook off the pain that I was feeling and entered my fathers study. I ran towards his desk and ripped the drawers open. It's the second one, the second one, it was replaying in my head like a charm. I opened the second one and lifted the hidden bottom. Black dully shimmering metal and a small box of bullets. 

I grabbed them both and turned towards the door. I ran downstairs grabbed my keys and wanted to dash out the front door but I remembered the locks and alarms. Shit, just relax and think! the kitchen, it has a window that looks out over the garden. Since mom opens it all the time I don't think she's put an alarm on it.

I placed my letter on the big table in the living room and sprinted in the kitchen, I jumped on the counter and opened the window. Dead silence. Thank the freaking lord that there wasn't an alarm! I jumped from the window in the yard and looked around, suddenly I saw Dot lying there. Dot is the dalmatian from my brother, when he comes home he always leaves Dot here. Would that mean that my brother was home?

 

Well I couldn't turn around now so I took Dot and sped towards the bike shed, if I was right it would be around school time now so my sweet friends wouldn't be home. I-I think that would be for the best, I don't want to bother them any longer. Well they probably had forgotten me already anyway so it's not like it matters. It would be good if they had, I will just fade from this earth and everyone would be happy.

I took my bike out of the shed and bicycled to Mary's house with Dot by my side, I put the letter in their mailbox and went towards Angel's place. Luckily they live close together. Haha I'm so selfish, I stole my brothers dog, my fathers gun and am even bitching about the distance from my ex-friend's houses! I really am worthless and I should die. I rode back home and put Dot back where I found him, it wouldn't be fair to steal him from my brother even if he was a sadistic asshole. 

Well the rest you know. 

Thank you all for reading you have come to the end! I have decided to make a mini series from after-events regarding the almost suicide, I hope you guys will read it. It's called ''after the end''. leave some comments and votes! I will answer any questions you may have, thank you all!

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